Best friend keeps questioning me

I guess you would have to go back to the reason you concluded you were gay in the first place.

It all goes on inside one's head this coming out to oneself business, so of course it is easy to second-guess a decision of this magnitude...it's almost as if you have to step outside yourself and examine your feelings as objectively as possible. It's the only way to be as close to certain as one can be.

This is a process not a destination, there will be doubts, it is necessary to examine patterns that repeat themselves. If there several instances of the same thing (i.e attraction to guys) you can be confident of your conclusions, and you can withstand the onslaught of those who would lead you to question yourself.

 

I don't know my orientation myself and am by no means an expert on sexual orientation, so take this advice with a grain of salt.

Do you think you're questioning yourself because 1) your friend knows you really well and you want to consider his input or 2) you haven't fully decided for yourself?

If it's the first reason and you are sure of your sexuality when he's not there questioning you, then I think you can just ask him to stop with the questioning. Tell him that him asking you is both confusing and harmful to you in this delicate time of personal rediscovery. However, if you think it's more along the lines of the second reason, I don't think you want to label yourself with such a stigmatized word without being 100% sure. Tell him that you are pretty sure but need some time to sort through your emotions.

I think it's great that your friend still asks you if you're gay. It shows that he's trying not to rush you (even if you are feeling anxious) into a major decision.

 

Don't go backwards. That's pretty much the most counterproductive thing you can do. Keep reminding yourself that you already went through the entire journey of figuring yourself out. You know you're gay, you just need to be more confident in your decision. Next time he asks, tell him "Yes, I'm sure. Yes, I'm gay. We've been over this so many times already, and this conversation is so redundant". Let him know that him asking really isn't helpful.

You haven't gone back to square one!! If you were at square one, you still wouldn't even be sure that you might not like girls. As it is, you know that you're gay. That's step like one billion at least! Doubting yourself a little has to be expected with that constant question, but don't think that you haven't made progress, because you certainly have. Even posting about this on here is a huge step forward!

I hope he stops making you doubt yourself! Be confident!

 

Hi xxMMxx

You have already taken 2 huge steps forwards, 1 in coming out to yourself, and your friends on EC, as gay, and 2 in coming out to your friend. Both steps have taken substantial courage and you would not have taken them without a lot of thought so as greatwhale says go and review honestly your reasons for coming out in the first place so that you can confirm your decision.

Just before you go off seriously doubting yourself perhaps consider another possibility for one moment, and without knowing anything about your friend I could be barking up the wrong tree here. Perhaps your best friend, someone you have presumably known a long time, is so insistent in repeatedly asking you if you are gay is that he may be concerned, that because you are best friends, that he may also be gay and not yet realised it.

As I look back at my own life I know that 2 of my best friends turned out to be gay and yet at the time were not out to anyone and very probably had not realised themselves that they were gay, but all 3 of us were very definitely different from other guys. There was just something between us that I could not put my finger on at the time but now would be called a Bromance, but this was in the 70s & 80s when things were more dangerous for gay guys and the level of internalised homophobia would have been greater that today .

Perhaps you could kill two birds with one stone by discussing in depth, with your friend on a one-to-one basis, why you feel you are gay. This would firm up your own thoughts and be very self-affirming for you, help your friend understand and probably become more supportive, and possibly, if your friend is also gay, you may help him with understanding himself. But whatever you do don’t tell your friend he may be gay just because he is your best friend.

I hope you find the clarity you are looking for.

Sale Gay Guy