I've read a bunch of similar threads lately about the same thing, but here goes. So I've come to the conclusion that I'm definitely not straight. I'm in college and want to be with dudes. I guess I'm not comfortable with gay, but I certainly am not straight. Its more of me being gay and curious with women, if that makes sense. (maybe there's still some denial in there) And I really want people close to me to know. I've joked around with my friends for years about being gay, and lately its been getting more frequent. Last night they were talking to me as if I was gay, things like "why haven't you been with any guys yet?" or "why didn't you get with her?" (a girl I could have gotten with) Then another friend says something like, "what if he is actually gay?" I never deny it and really want them to know, but whenever they ask I get real embarrassed and deflect their questions. They're really friendly about it though, its not malicious or anything. This happens all the time, every time we hang out or play videogames...no matter what I am at the end of a gay joke, often a joke I start, and nobody takes the hint or is positive about it. Also my brother has told me that if I need to come out then I can talk to him. Like my friends, every time I get a chance, I blow it. Its killing me, but I really just want people to know. Its as if both my brothers and my close friends know anyway, but nobody is 100% sure, and its not official. Also I don't think my parents have a clue, but I doubt they'll care that much, if it helps any. I've been given every opportunity, but can not do it. Should I just settle and shoot my one best friend a text and start there? Just sack up and do it in person? My friend who I want to tell first I wont see until May because his spring break is over and he's headed a few states away. I feel like I can't wait that long, but then again I keep backing out. If I sound like a whiny kid, let me know. Maybe I just need a kick in the ass and someone to tell me to man up. Sorry if it seems like a redundant post, but thanks in advance.
You're in a great place. You know you like guys. Your friends kinda know Your brother knows Who you tell first the truth about you? Pick one. Any one. Go with your gut. The first time you say the words out loud "I like guys" or "I'm gay" it'll come out slowly. ;-) Your friends love you already. Your brother does. It's all good. And all your friends on EC do too. We're all on the same journey. And we're proud of you.
This sounds just like the situation I was in. Ive always known I was different and I joked around with people a lot about being gay. I think it was to just test the waters and see what their reaction might be if I did eventually decide to come out. I suggest that if you are really ready to come out then I would come out to the person you trust the most. It doesn't have to be in person. I've come out to several people via text or even Facebook. It's really up to you. If you want that face-to-face contact with someone then go that route. It sounds to me that you are close to your brother and that he sort of knows that your not straight. Maybe you should just talk to him and tell him what you have been feeling and ask for his advice on things. Good luck I know it very tough figuring this stuff out.
This was awesome...thanks you so much buddy, if only you knew how much this meant. And thanks izzyblue1456, its nice to know I'm not alone. Thanks for the advice...as an update, I am currently in an xboxlive party with my friends and the gay jokes are brutal, lol. It's funny, but if only they knew...they've got to know, right? We're with some people I don't know, so its not happening on my end. And sorry Fedimex, that's entirely my fault. You don't have to worry about that.
Oh boy When I was reading your post it is like 90% similar of what im going through right now. I hinted to my brother and he seems ok with, parents don't know but they will most likely flip and have a big reaction because they are rather Conservative and my mum is religious. The friend scenarios is basically exact same of whats happening to me. The gay jokes and remarks are just endless but I also just deflect, brush them off or ignore them. In a way I have hinted at them with me being very open and strong supporter of gay marriage and rights. Everytime they say a gay joke or remark it hurts me a bit, but I just "play along" because I don't want them to know...yet...until I am ready at least
Hi “The Dude” It’s good to see that you’re are settling in on EC and reading your way through others posts, it’s a fantastic resource and I’ve learnt so much in the last few months since I joined. You sound as though you are well on the way to coming out to yourself which is the most important step in the process. In your post you mention the word gay many times so you’re obviously comfortable writing that word, if you look at some other people’s posts in a similar situation you can get the sense that they avoid using that word, how did you feel as those letters flowed from your fingertips, was there any hesitation, did you break out into a cold sweat? .. I don’t think so. I also think it’s significant that you don’t mention BI anywhere; to me you seem pretty clear in your own mind that you’re gay. You seem to have a fantastic bunch of friends, I think one of your posts mentioned 5 or 6 who would seem to readily accept you, and your family especially your brothers also seem very supportive. I think most other folk on here, both young and old, questioning their sexuality would love to be in your position. From reading your other posts I see that you are a sportsman and perhaps that little bit of doubt still remaining in your mind could be linked to the stereotype thing. For years I didn’t think I could be gay because I wasn’t a stereotypical gay guy, although I didn’t play contact sports I was a keen mountaineer and competed in orienteering competitions at a national level. What really helped me was when 2 guys moved in the house next-door to me, they are just 2 regular guys who happen to be gay. So any doubts I had in my mind about being gay because I wasn’t stereotypical have completely gone. I feel a building pressure within myself to run around shouting “I’m gay, I’m gay” and will explode in a Mount St’ Helens of gayness, and I’m 53 and married. I think however it would be better to emerge from the closet in a more controlled way. You have nothing stopping you and have the luxury of having supportive friends and family as well as all your friends on EC. Why not start today with some small changes. If you look under your avatar on the left of the screen it says “Orientation : Questioning” is that really correct? , why not change that at least to “Probably gay” or even “gay”, and your “Out Status” to “Friends on EC”. Words can have a powerful impact and I found making those changes on my profile to be very self-affirming. Your young, go out and tell those supportive friends and family and start living life as you were meant to be and have fun. Sale Gay Guy P.S. I’m sure that PeteNJ, and others, know exactly how much their posts mean to you because we have all been in the same position, and in time your posts to others will give them support and encouragement. Young and old, were all in this together, supporting each other through the difficult times and celebrating our successes, however small or large, as we travel along our journey to live our life as it was meant to be for us.
Hi “The Dude” I also spotted this in the “sticky threads” portion of the coming out advice page, it may be of help Coming Out to Your Parents | 4therapy.com Coming Out | 4therapy.com Sale Gay Guy
Hi, Your friends already know they are being polite and offering you an opening. Unless you have unobservant friends. Buddy, deflections become answers over time. Your friends are waiting politely for you to accept you. Stuck
Again sorry for the title of the thread. I'd bet its one of most horribly inaccurate titles in EC history. Thanks again everybody for the advice, particularly SaleGayGuy. Like you suggested, I changed my orientation and out status on EC, so I started small. Still, it feels good. I feel a lot more confident after hearing the replies, and I appreciate it. Stuck is right when he said "deflections become answers over time." It's been a long struggle, accepting my sexuality while balancing the internalized homophobia and stereotypes in my head. As someone mentioned, I'm in a great place with the supportive family and friends I think I have, and other people on EC would love to be in my position. Time to move on with my life.
Hi “The Dude” Glad to be of service, every journey starts with a small step and with each step you take you will feel better and better. Sale Gay Guy
Lol, I thought I was the only one scared shitless by that. Moving on, I am in a very similar situation, I have one friend who I joke around with all the time about being gay, and a pro-gay-rights family. I am also someone who is very introverted and has trouble talking to people about personal things. It is hard, no matter what the situation is, but I guess all of us who are lucky enough to have it so much easier should be thankful. I suppose my point is that you're not alone. There are lot's of other people in your exact situation, and growing a pair has nothing to do with it - it's hard for everyone, do it when you feel ready. Good luck, dude.
There sure is nothing like receiving advice from a 13 year old. I wish I was as self aware you were at 13, its pretty awesome. You seem very mature and I respect that. Maybe we should both open up a bit to a good friend or someone we can trust, but you're young yet. Good luck to you buddy, if/when you do come out.
Hah, I bet. The great thing about this stuff is that anyone can give advice because of the fact that it's easier to look at other people's situations objectively than your own. Either way, my advice wasn't very useful, so you can keep some of your pride
I was in a similar situation, my mother asked me if I wanted to say something and I was like: Oh no, I'm fine... but after this, I realized that I needed to tell her (or to someone). It was very scary at the first time, I tried to say but I start to cry a lot... the second time I finally did it and it was amazing, I cried again, but I did it! You know, it's hard to accept yourself but it's harder to say that you ARE gay but you have to do it. Your family and friends sounds ok, so, send a text to your friend first and when you see him you will have the assurance that he knows and will be more easier to say. Good luck!
