I'm 30 years old and still struggling with who I am. Ever since I was little people said I was gay and I feel like I avoided it because I didn't want it to be true. Now I'm 30 and feel like I've wasted some of the best years of my life not being who I really am. I didn't have the chance to explore who I am as a true person. I started to in my younger years but then shut it away because it felt that by being attracted to men I was giving up on a certain type of life, family, etc and that it was probably just a phase anyways. When I was 23 I felt like I had finally accepted my whole self and opened up to someone. It went bad, they couldn't accept that I wasn't ready to tell the world and do so on my timeline. After that I pretty much reverted back into myself and denied what I thought I had come to accept about myself. I'm so scared to admit and accept what being gay means but it just eats away at me. Lately it has been eating at me again wondering what my life would have been like if I had accepted myself sooner. I feel like I have missed out on the best years of my life and that makes me question if there is even a point in coming out at this point. I mean I am 30 years old now so old to be stepping out of the closet is it worth it or am I just going to set myself up for further disappointment. For the first time in my life I have this true desire to let my family and friends know how I feel but now I am questioning if that would just mess up my life even more than not coming out already seems to. I just don't know how I can be 30 years old and already feel like i have so many regrets and so much wasted life. I was so close to finally telling my parents but then just couldn't bring myself to do it, I am their only son and don't want to crush the dreams they had for me or feel like I am now being judged.
You may be 30 now, but you still have time to live the way you want to live. Some people don't realize this till much later in their life, so don't worry about your age. Are your parents okay with the LGBT community? If so, I think you should tell them. It feels good to get all that weight off your shoulders. And once you're able to do that, you'll be much happier with yourself. (*hug*)
It's never too late man.(*hug*)People come out in their 40s, 50s, and even 60s these days. Well as for telling your family and friends about it, that's your call, do it when you're ready and comfortable enough with yourself. Don't pressure yourself, and live your life according to your dreams. What do I know I'm only 20, but I came out 2 years ago, and my parents will never accept it. You can't control how someone else views you, you are an adult, you make your own happiness. And that happiness should not be dependent on someone's opinion(easier to say,than do). I have one question for you, are your friends and family homophobic? And I ask that because you said, that you had one bad coming out experience in your 20s. All the best.(*hug*)
You know what? Not all people will be okay with who you are. The best you can do is be yourself and continue to strive for happiness. Hiding that from people might trick you into being happy, but moments where you open up and have that denied is proof that you aren't. The good news out of all of this is that there are people who will like you for who you are. Empty Closets is a start! Look into LGBT events and groups in your community. Nobody but you has to know, and those people there will only ever know you as the 'new' you. The last thing I'll say is this: you can't change the past. What's done is done, and not even a magic genie can revert something that's happened. What you can do is finally accept who you are and start being happy. What you should do about the past is simple: learn from it. See that keeping it contained hasn't been good for you. Grow from what you don't like and bloom like the awesome person you are inside. Be you. Be happy! Best wishes (*hug*)
I'll be 60 this year. I've been talking with a therapist for aprox. 2 years now, best thing I ever did, getting rid of the decades of conflict going on inside my brains. I hope to meet more gay friends this year. I was raised in a very religious christian home. Wish I had all the money I wasted drinking --self medicating, worried about my sexual orietation. I stopped drinking, I have survived. I've been gay from a young age, just never understood it much until puberty , then the hiding started. It is getting easier for me now that I have accepted myself
Heya - you're never too old to be true to yourself. There are guys here at EC who are in their 40s or older who are just coming out and are finding the water to be just fine Also guys in their 30s as it happens. You've still got a lot of years left in you and a lot of time to have a lot of fun, not just sexually (although that can be very nice) but just from being able to be yourself. Not having to watch ever word, every thought, every look, and not having to worry that someone may figure out your 'secret'. EC is a great place to start the process, both in general and in the Coming out later in life sub-forum. Lots of friendly people who are happy to talk, share stories, give advice, offer comfort when you're down and celebrate with you when you're up or have made another step forward. Please, join us Todd
Thanks for the comments and support. Finding it really hard right now. I feel like my parents aren't homophobic my mom has always hinted at being ok with it if I was gay but then sometimes they make off the cuff negative comments that make me wonder. I just don't want people to look at me differently or with a sense of disgust because of who I am. But it is so hard to live everyday worrying the truth might come out and isolating yourself from being who you are and connecting with like minded people because you are worried someone you know might find out. I think the worst part about my negative coming out was that it was with a friend who was also gay. The fact that it went so bad really made me question if it was worth it. Not being accepted by someone who had gone through something similar was hard and really set me back. I totally get that I need to move forward but for some reason I'm stuck focused on all the years I've lost instead of the future. But i know every day and year that passes im just creating more regret and it eats me up inside. It just feels like the best years of my life when I was young have been wasted. I did some amazing things but I still can help but wonder what could have been. It's almost like I am trying to come to terms with a death and life that wasn't lived. If that makes any sense. Thanks for all the support, I have a feeling I will be needing it and glad a found this site.
I feel the same way. I am 27 and I have known that I liked girls ever since I can remember. I've kept it hidden, with the exception of a few really close friends, for my entire life. When I was very young, my older sister came home with a girl, and my family nearly disowned her, and my father almost ended up in the hospital. That made me even more scared to be myself. I've hidden it so well that I even have a fiance. He knows, but he can't accept it and I can't seem to get out of this cycle. I've wasted so much time, and my situation is killing me. I just don't want to hurt anybody. That's why I joined today. I have gay/lesbian friends, but I am afraid that they will take my confusion as uncertainty. I know what I am, I'm just afraid to hurt those close to me.
I was 30 when I came out. It was definitely worth it. The "later in life" area is for anyone coming out more as an established adult, rather than as a teenager or during the college years. Mourning the past is a part of that. ---------- Post added 20th Mar 2013 at 12:20 AM ---------- You can tell your gay friends. They will understand better than you think.
