I can't stand the dysphoria anymore! I was on a short vacation to the beach and everywhere I looked I saw so many beautiful women, and when I looked in the mirror after that all I see is this horrible, fat, ugly person in the mirror that can't ever be as feminine as them. :tears: I need to go see a therapist, but I've heard about how they just like to plug key phrases in to the Harry Benjamin Standards or whatever and I'm terrified. I know I have to go though it, but how do I ask my parents for therapy? My mom's been saying for years that if I didn't come out of my depressive state that she'd send me to a therapist, but I always said "No!" and put on a happy face because I was terrified of what they might find in my head. I'm still terrified, but I'm even more afraid of having to ask to go because she'll want to know why. And how do you tell someone that's known you your whole life that you aren't the right gender? I feel so trapped and alone. In order to get the therapy I have to come out, but I don't even know where to begin! I know people write letters and have conversations about it but I don't know how to go about doing that. I'm also afraid of stressing my mom out because she stays so stressed out all the time already I'm afraid I'll give her stroke if I come out. Please somebody help me... The pressure and the stress of living this way is about to kill me... I feel like every second that I'm living in this body is a second wasted of my REAL life... I just want everything to be better... :tears:
Hang in there - you will be ok. Therapists are not bad. There may be a few out there that are, but remember that it's the bad ones that ruin the reputation for the rest of them. I've had great experiences with therapists. You don't need to come out to your mom. Just tell her that you're dealing with some personal issues that you'd rather not discuss with her. If she bugs you to tell her, then she's being very disrespectful. Google therapists (not necessarily psychologists or psychiatrists) in your area and make the call - you will be glad you did!
The main thing is to make sure you're going to a therapist who specializes in gender issues. It's more likely you'll get someone who doesn't want to help if you go to someone who has no experience with transgender people and will just be looking for reasons they don't want you transitioning rather than taking your feelings seriously. And if you do get the feeling the person you're seeing doesn't want to help just stop seeing them. If you're worried about hormones themselves, there are some doctors and clinics now you can get a prescription from without a therapist's permission. It depends on where you live, but it does take some of the pressure off of having to jump through hoops for a bad therapist.
Thank you for your replies. I don't think it's the therapy that scares me anymore. I'm willing to jump through hoops and tiptoe around the rules (I've done it my whole life). Right now the issue is telling my mother, I should've been more specific. What I need is to be able to come out to her. She won't take me to a therapist without knowing at least the basic premise of why I'm going. It's not a matter of being disrespectful it's just that she's a concerned mother. I just have no idea HOW to come out. I know a few ways that people do come out, but how do they do it? Like when having a conversation, what's the best way to sit down with them to talk? Or if you're writing a letter, when do you give it to them, what if they don't read all of it? What if I don't explain things right and give them the wrong idea? How can I somehow cushion the blow of coming out as trans*? Those are the things that I need to know. I'm resolved to come out... I just don't know how...
Well in that case... maybe you could start by bringing up how you've always been depressed. Your mother has commented on it before so it's not something she can say took her by surprise. That might be enough to get you into therapy by itself but it sounds like what you really want is to come out to her. I'm really bad at family things, but honestly after that all I can see is to follow up and tell her why you've been depressed, and explain the other parts of your dysphoria. Whether it's in a letter or in person is up to you, but it's harder to get tongue tied in writing. I've also heard some people say that telling your parents that you want to go into therapy to 'figure out your gender issues' is better than saying you've decided anything, because that way if they think you're just confused they'll still be willing to send you to get help. I hope it goes well. (*hug*)
Therapists are pretty scary, aren't they. If you need one but don't want to tell your mother about it, many hospitals/healthcare facilities offer walk in therapy clinics or something similar. At my local hospital, you just go into the mental health sector, talk for as long as you need, then leave- totally anonymous. I can't really tell you how efficient they are (I haven't worked up the balls to go see them yet), but it really sounds like you need someone to talk to, and it's a pretty decent option, if you have one close to you. As for coming out, I have no clue.
Therapy is at the very least one day a week where you can openly be a girl in a supportive environment. There's no universal advice on coming out though. Every situation's different. Actually that's not 100% true, the one universal is that you've got to give the person time. You've had years to consider this decision and you've done a lot of weighing your options and research. To your mom, this is going to seem like it came out of the blue. Maybe it's a phase, she'll think. Actually that whole 5 stages of grief thing is really worth reading, because it's so true. I'm the kind of person that's usually skeptical when it comes to that stuff. Your mom is going to be grieving, for the son she thought she had, and she's got to go through that before she can even think about accepting you as a daughter. Be prepared for her to try to talk to you about a lot of other options and tell you a million things you've tried already. You won't lose anything by agreeing to try something you've already done. Also know that it's probably going to hurt her, and that can't be helped. Some of that hurt might come back on you. Your mom might not be herself and you have to be prepared to forgive and forget. The hardest thing in the world is, you're going to have to be compassionate the whole time. Really compassionate too, don't try to fake it. If you can't, you're going to have to leave the situation. And that's not easy when, y'know, it's your mom; you can't always just walk away. Checking out of the conversation and just being respectful might be the best you can do. Cushioning the blow would take a lot of tact. If you're good at that you are and if you aren't there isn't any advice I can give you. Please though, don't feel afterward like it was a mistake. You being honest is not a mistake. That was the best advice I got here, and I'll repeat it. You've always been a woman and you can't change that. You letting people know is something that will have to happen eventually. You are brave and kind enough to do this, when you are ready.
