I've come out to my girlfriend and she is in shock... I can tell she's wondering if I'm going to leave her... and so am I... I mean.... She's very nice, an' all, but... we are too much alike for one thing, wich we all know is bad. we aren't close enough, as in were we live, for it to work, we also don't talk much... etc. So... my question is... If I do leave her.. I still want someone to support/be supported by/go to dances with/go on dates with/etc... so my question is... how do I know, without being rude, if someone else is gay/bi? Because i doubt they would tell me if they didn't know me anyway, or a better question might be... How do I find single gay/bi males in my area? I am so embarrased to have to ask this...
don't worry about asking that question. I've been trying to figure it out for a long time. the bad part is, there is no surefire way to find other gay people. for me, I've found the easiest way to meet people is at a support group or a GSA. just remember, you don't ALWAYS need to be going out with someone. if you need support or someone to hang out with, friends are much easier to deal with than people you are dating most of the time. they tend to be more reliable too. -just my 2 sense for ya
Well... yeah, but I feel better with someone who cares about me in more ways... tan jut a friend, i don't know, It's just... I... I'm out now, to some extent, and... and I really want to date a guy, now that I can... you know?
Congratulations on coming out! If I had come out as gay (I'm a guy) and I had a girl friend, I would probably end the relationship. I wouldn't see it as fair to keep dating someone knowing they were not what I wanted. However, sexuality is a "fluid" thing. While I identify as gay and have never had a girlfriend, there are one or two girls that I feel I'm very close with. I won't rule out that I will never date a girl because it's a possibility, but I certainly focus on guys. So, however you want identify yourself is all about how you feel. Just take it easy, because there is no need to rush into anything. I have to say, if I knew 100% how to know if someone else was queer, I would be a millionaire. It's really tough figuring out people, and even more difficult when you're trying to find out about someone you really like. The best way I've found is to just become friends with them and see how they react. (It can also help to become friends with them enough to come out.) I'd also second the suggestion of trying to find a local glbt group in your area. Not only does it provide the opportunity to meet others, but can help out when you hit a rough patch when figuring out where you sit sexually. Good luck!
Tinkergeek, I think a better thing to say would be, "if I had a dollar for every person who asked that question, I would be a millionaire." :lol: FireIce_YinYang, that is actually a question that a lot of people ask here (i think there was a topic discussing this somewhere..). I will admit that there are guys that you could probably label as gay the second you saw them. It might be how they how they act, how they dress, or how they bend their wrists. These are the guys that fit every gay stereotype there is. While you can't be 100% sure, you can be pretty confident that they are gay (and even if they aren't, i wouldn't expect them to be too offended if you ask). ...and then, there are the rest of us. For every person that fits the above criteria, there is someone else (maybe a few more than that) that you honestly won't be able to tell just from looking at them. So, how do you tell with these people? I myself am trying to figure out ways to tune my 'gaydar.' One of the best ways I can think of, like tinkergeek mentioned, is to become friends with them, come out to them, and see how they respond. In a best-case scenario, they might also come out to you. Or, they might acknowledge the fact and be supportive/not care, but not say anything about themselves (which would usually imply they're straight). Another good way would be to join a GSA (although over half of the guys in my gay-straight forum are straight.. ). Is there a quick and easy way for telling? If only there was... Unless you start hanging out at gay bars, or are in the center of the gossip circles, you're really going to have to get to know the person before you can find out 100%. I've read that there are certain 'clues' that you can use to tell if someone is attracted to you. One supposed way is that gay guys tend to spend more time looking at other guys than girls, as opposed to straight guys (this is easier to see when people-watching). Another thing I've read is that while straight guys look will look at you, gay guys might look 'through' you (i've yet to test this, myself). According to all the love-advice websites out there (girls aren't the only one trying to tell if a guy loves them ), the answer is 'in their eyes.' If all else fails, there's always Myspace and Facebook profiles (although, these are not 100% accurate, either)...
Well, i s'pose that's all true, and i made a myspace just recently, BTW, all the information on there, besides BDay and Location, are false... it's listed as FireIce_YinYang, anyway, how do i join a GBL group near me... My mom would get suspicious if i ever left the house... really.. i dont do that very often, if, maybe i started to go out more often, it wouldn't seem crazy... maybe i could find a local group online?
I'm not sure how much advice I can give you on joining a GBL group. I'm sure if you search for a little while, you'll be able to find one that's nearby. You could also check if there's a local PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays) chapter, which might help you get experience talking to adults. When I was in high school, I never left the house, outside of the theatre stuff I did. I guess you could say I was somewhat anti-social. If I were to all of a sudden start going out regularly, I'm pretty sure my parents would become curious about what I was doing.
