Well, I was on myspace today, and someone from my middle school messaged me, he was the openly gay guy in our class, and was even the school mascot, though teasing caused him to flee to homeschooling (which is another reason I was pushed in the closet). He always used to tease me, and I guess now I know why. He messaged me with one message. Quoting it: I think he was trying to help me in some weird way (not sure how, but it seemed like it), but it really didn't help, even though I'm finally out, still going through some self image issues, and some other weird stuff -.- He was ALWAYS the one teasing me, he even called me up one day in middle school and asked if I wanted to go out w/ one of the "hottest girls in school" to which I said no, because A. I knew I was gay, and B. I knew it was a joke. Later, one of my ex friends told me him and her had sat down, went through the yearbook, and called any guys who they thought would never have a date or has never been on one and wanted to play a joke. This ended our friendship, even though she apologized, and it really didn't phase me, you don't do that to friends. So of course, he was not person I wanted to hear form now. After coming out, a lot of the friends who didn't know are seemingly ignoring me (maybe because I didn't tell them personally like some other friends), whereas the one straight guy friend I have is entirely accepting of it and is actually a LOT more friendly and talkative now, saying now he knows why I was so off from the rest of the group now lol. Anyways, like I said, I'm going through self image issues right now, which is my main concern. My other concern is although people say they accept me and such, I can just feel they don't. The odd thing is my family. They say they are completely accepting, but on some days, I just get the vibe they hate me now. But other days, it's gone. Today, my mom asked me what my favorite color was, to which I replied Pink, and she said, "Since when" and I told her always, Jolene's known it for years, YOU'VE known it for years, and she swears she didn't, which makes me worry she may be trying to suppress the fact I've told her. Am I just overthinking things, or are people trying to mess with me while trying to help me? >_< EDIT: :/ 800 Posts~ Freaky Timing...
Coming out can be like an anti climax. You've had this secret for years - now it's all out you may be left feeling "empty" and thinking, "now what?" This may manifest itself in you thinking "reverse" thoughts. This is where you understand the opposite of what's actually happening. Nowadays, being gay and coming out is not such a big deal as it was years ago. (At this point I want to acknowledge just how hard/diificult it still is for loads of people.) Your friends probably aren't phased by your coming out. To you it was a big thing - to them, it's probably a "so what?". Their unphasedness is probably seen by you as you being ignored whereas things are still the same, ie, you're gay, you've told them, everything back to normal. It will get better - give it time. Hope this helps.
By ignoring me, I mean they used to talk to me at least once a day, but some of them I haven't heard since, and that was a while ago...
Ok - fair enough. May sound obvious, but can't you ask them? Especially, if you all "hung around" and spoke heaps to each other. Of course, you may not like the response but then again you'll find out who your real friends are.
It's your job to make contact with them again. If you don't, they're not going to. You need to show them that nothing's changed, etc.. all that stuff. good luck.
I've tried making contact with them -.- Any messages I send: Ignored. Any Calls I make: Not Picked Up. >_< My friends who do talk to me still just think I'm overthinking :/
Maybe you are overthinking this or maybe you're not. By contact, you should try physical contact (I don't know how far away they are from you). You know they've been "ignoring" you, so you can ask them straight out and in person. They've got to respond then and you'll know once and for all. Leaving messages etc, - too easy to ignore. Confront them in person.
The ones ignoring me went to college on the east coast (different places though) >_< So of course, physical contact is out of the question Btw, they weren't my main problem >_< I understand they might just be busy, but it's just odd timing to do it, gonna try telling them that in a message, and hopefully they respond to that... But yea, that wasn't the main thing I posted about (I don't think it was though O.O; >_< my mind isn't working today -.-)
Running out of options here... I guess there comes a time when some people just won't carry on the friendship. It happens throughout life, friendships come and go. You've done your best and left messages, etc. Just don't think they're ignoring you because you came out. You're guessing and that's not a good thing to do. You could always send them one last message pointing out that if they don't reply, you've got better things to do (and better people to do them with). If they then reply, great. If not, you should just forget them. I know it's easy for me to say that and I know how hard it may be for you, but I think you need finality on this one way or the other.
I don't think the guy that messaged you was trying to be mean. I think he was trying to be friendly and maybe you took it the wrong way. When you say teasing, did he used to jokingly tease you or did he have cruel intentions behind them? If he was being mean with his teasing, maybe he was insecure with his own sexuality and was trying to take out his problems on someone he suspected was gay. If he was just joking, then maybe you should message him back with a witty but friendly response. With the distant friends, you say they live on the East Coast and that physical contact is hard, right? I think you should make a few more efforts to talk to them and if they don't answer, just let them go. Not all friendships last forever like we'd want to believe. Some naturally deteriorate over time. Maybe they've been too busy with college. Maybe they have new friends and interests now. Maybe they're at a different point in their lives than you. I say continue your friendships with the people you can make physical contact with if the others aren't showing much interest in putting their half in the friendship. Just my 2 cents.
