1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is It Worth Answering Honestly

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Exoskeleton, Mar 19, 2013.

  1. Exoskeleton

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2013
    Messages:
    120
    Likes Received:
    0
    I get asked all the time by all sorts of people whether or not I'm a lesbian. The honest answer is that I really don't know. My heart and mind are one swirling ball of confusion and I haven't really come to a place where I've settled on a label for my sexuality, or even for my gender.

    I don't know if it's worth telling people that when they ask. It just leads to follow up questions that try to get me to give a definitive answer (even though I just said I don't know). It feels rude to refuse to answer and when I do it's generally assumed to mean "Yes, I am a lesbian, but I'm embarrassed about it." So, I've just been saying no when they ask. And saying no if they follow up with "are you bi, then?" But it feels really dishonest.

    Is there some sort of magically tactful and definitive response that's still completely honest? Or is running through the exhaustive explanation every time the only option?
     
  2. BudderMC

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2010
    Messages:
    3,148
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada
    "I like girls." :slight_smile:

    Of course, you might still need to explain a bit each time (people seem to have this aversion to things not being "labeled"), but the above statement is 100% accurate, right?
     
  3. photoguy93

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2012
    Messages:
    1,893
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    St. Olaf
    I think you should either be honest....or not say a thing. It depends on who you are dealing with. Sometimes, "I'm not sure" is a "yes" to some uneducated folks. Just do what you think works best?
     
  4. Exoskeleton

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2013
    Messages:
    120
    Likes Received:
    0
    You know... I think it is.

    Thank you. A lot. I've been trying to deny that for a very long time. But you saying it brought it home and sort of... lifted a weight off my chest. I do like girls. Wow.
     
  5. Italy or Bust

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2012
    Messages:
    161
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    North of Seattle, United States
    "I don't like labels."
     
  6. Argentwing

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2012
    Messages:
    6,696
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    "So that's a yes, then?" :/

    I would put more faith in "I'm not sure yet" because anything skirting a real answer like that will make people assume immediately.
     
  7. Sayu

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2012
    Messages:
    511
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Europe
    I used to respond with no. If you don't want to be dishonest, feel free to respond with "I'm not sure (yet)." :slight_smile:
     
  8. Joe54321

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2013
    Messages:
    135
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Just tell them it's none of your bussiness, you don't have to answer to labels.
     
  9. Sayu

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2012
    Messages:
    511
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Europe
    But, if you are asked by someone who you know wouldn't accept that or would spread the news, just say "no". There's nothing bad about lying in this situation! :slight_smile:
     
  10. Italy or Bust

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2012
    Messages:
    161
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    North of Seattle, United States
    "Are you hitting on me?"