I'm lying here when I should be asleep because the loneliness is becoming pretty unbearable. I need to start sharing what I'm feeling before I burst horrifically over everyone but whilst I feel ready to come out to at least one person, I just can't decide who. All my friends seem so superficial and self absorbed, I want to tell someone who will actually listen to me and care and importantly won't see it as a sweet bit of gossip to immediately share. Equally, I also want to be able to talk about guys and who I like and just standard teenage stuff that most straight people take for granted. I'm scared to come out to my parents this early, me and my dad do not have that kind of relationship and my mum is way too busy all the time. My siblings are either never around or completely the wrong type of person. I don't know a single other gay person. I've built up such a impenetrable persona of someone who doesn't get upset or have feelings or problems that I find it hard to even imagine telling anyone what I'm truly feeling. Can people tell me how they decided who they would first come out, the specific qualities they looked for to know they could trust that person with their secret. I just need someone to talk to
Well I have not come out yet, so I don't know if you want my advice, but here goes. The person that I have pick to tell first her and I have been friends for about five years when we first met she was going through a hard time and was suicidal and I was the only one she talk with it about. I know she will keep it to herself. Do you have any cousin that you could talk to? and there any gay people at your school?
It took me ages to come out so my advice may sound a bit empty, but it sounds like you need to stop bottling it all up. Is there really no close friend you can single out to confide in? Is there a school/college counsellor you could meet up with to help you thought process?? If you are in London have you thought of LGBT groups (e.g.: "London Friend" - google them?) You'll feel a lot happier once you have shared your secret with someone sympathetic and trustworthy. "A problem shared is a problem halved" as they say. I hope you can find someone soon. I lived in the country and did not meet or know a gay person till I was 25 .. and even then I could not talk to him ... don't worry you will do better than me!! xx
Hey, I've been thinking for a while now about who will be the first person I come out to. I recently found out that one of my friends is bisexual. We've been friends for years and it seems like my coming out will not be a big deal for her. Basically, I would look for someone LGBT (ideally), but I see that's not an option for you right now. So, I'd just go with your closest friend. Surely, there must be someone in your circle of friends who seems genuine? If not, you could also consider joining a support group, as mentioned above, finding a counsellor or calling a helpline. Finally, there's always folks at EC. Or, you could leave me a message if you'd like. Take care(*hug*)
I didn't come out until I was 30, but when I did, I knew exactly who to tell, because they were my good friends and had been for many years. If you don't have any good friends that you can talk to, you should try to make some. This will be very difficult with the "impenetrable wall" you've built around yourself. Is it possible that your friendships all feel superficial, not because your friends are superficial, but because you, yourself, are not engaging authentically in your friendships with them?
Thank you all for your suggestions I spoke a bit harshly about my friends I think, I was kind of upset last night. Basically I have a big group of really great friends, but all of my relationships are like matey and based on having a good time, not close personal bonds. I don't feel comfortable talking about my feelings, which is why I guess you're right when you say it's my fault that my relationships feel so superficial sometimes. One of the biggest questions I'm struggling with is would you rather come out to a guy or girl? I'm very tempted by a few of my guy friends because they'd take it much more matter of factly and I think they are actually a bit more caring that many of my girl friends, but I'm terrified that they would think I would be coming onto them by coming out to them? Coming out to a girl has the double benefit of it being easier to speak emotionally and also simply able to talk about liking guys!
I agree that the individual is more important than the gender. Choose the person you are most comfortable with first. If you want to come out to a girl to talk about cute boys with, you can do that next. ---------- Post added 20th Mar 2013 at 04:19 PM ---------- It's a common problem for closeted people to feel distance in their relationships, because they are holding part of themselves back.
Hey bud.. how are ya? hope all is well on that end of the globe... first person i told was my best mate... it was real hard coz he and i werent the most gay friendly guys back in school...(i feel bad but thats a different story) so when i noticed i digg guys aswell as chicks i was freaking out and like you had no one to talk to... what made it easier for me was that his gf whom ive known for years came out to him as being bi and when he knew this... he told her to tell me ... he was freaking out what i would do if i found out (based on my past) so when she came out to me, i came out to them... so, one of your closests mates might have an affiliaton of some kind with a LGBT guy/chick you never know... only prob now, is i have no one to talk to about guys coz i moved overseas... aside from one of the EC Staff Members and the LGBT anonymous chat line... hope one day i can find some people in real life to hang with and talk about these things freely (im too embarass to post questions on EC and i do apologise about my spelling...)
So very true about that distance, I never really got that close to my wife; and now that I have had some experience of relating to a man, the desire for closeness and connection is overwhelming, and because I am new at this, I am vulnerable....
Oh, but nobody here really knows who you are? That is what the forum is for, so anyone can write any questions or thoughts about the sexuality, and it can't come back and hurt them. You should take advantage of this cool place where you can spill out your thoughts, and have no real worry.
