Well, I've got a girlfriend... we've been dating for around two months now. Now that's all fine, except my parents don't actually know. I only intended to go a little while without at least telling my mom, but I'm not 100% sure how that's going to work out. See, I'm not afraid she'd freak and force me not to talk to my gf again or anything of that sort, but the thing with her is that she's extremely paranoid and doesn't seem to trust me at all. Even prior to me and my gf dating, she knew we were both bi, and she'd tell me things like "Well, I don't want you two doing anything" whenever me and her went to hang out (even if there were other people around). It took me forever to convince her that we really were just friends and that she had nothing to worry about. That's different now, obviously, and I can tell her suspicions are rising again... I guess I'd just really hate to have her constantly freaking whenever we're together. Plus I've gotta say, just having my parents consider us friends is nice because it means we can still have sleep over and such like we always have without any issues. We used to be practically best friends so we'd spend a lot of time, generally going to eachother's houses for the night and talking and watching movies and the like... and I'd really hate to have to stop doing that kind of thing. And no, nothing has ever happened, I wouldn't dare consider it... my mom is highly insistent I sleep on the couch whenever my gf is here and all, and I know damn well that if we're staying up she'll be listening intently... creepy, really. Plus, she insisted I tell my gf's mom I was bi (back when we were friends) so now her mom is on watch, too, although she actually trusts us. And this is despite the fact that, as far as she knows, we are still just friends. Then there's a bigger worry beyond that... my dad. I practically can't tell my mom anything (no matter how personal) without her telling my dad. I'll beg her not to, she does anyways. It doesn't matter how personal it is, and a ton of the time it's something he really, really, really has no reason to know, yet she tells him. See... he's, well... he's a homophobe. He knows I'm bi and all, but if he were to find out I was dating a girl I don't even want to think about his reaction. Not so much for my own sake, since I'm not scared of him... but my gf is (don't blame her), and I can see him being pretty nasty towards her if he knew. So... the point of all this is that I want to tell my mom, I hate lying to her, I'll admit. Yet I'd really rather avoid her excessive worry and, most of all, my dad's reaction. I'd almost just continue on lying about it, except I can't help but feel that she'll inevitably find out soon. :eusa_doh: Any help would be appreciated.
You are bisexual... that is not going to change. At some point, your parents are going to have to accept that you are who you are, which happens to be the same person they knew all along. Sometimes, just having a person to link to LGBT is enough to change attitudes. When "the gays" turns into "gays like my son" or "gays like my daughter", it definitely is a wake up call to change some attitudes. If you are ready to come out, I would suggest reading the linked information from PFLAG that BeckyG posted. Then have a frank, serious discussion. The rate of suicide for LGBT youth is higher than their heterosexual counterparts. From my understanding, a lot of these suicides are because of the intense feelings conjured when dealing with coming out to parents and parents attitudes toward homosexuals in general. I'm not sure if "Dear Abby" is syndicated in your newspaper, but there was a letter on Tuesday March 25, 2008 from a friend of a LGBT person who committed suicide rather than tell his parents the truth. Perhaps, you can use it as a starting point in the conversation with your parents, so they understand some of the things that the LGBT community face when coming out.
It's very sad, but true that LGBT youth are more likely to commit suicide than someone who is heterosexual. Last time I checked, forgive me if this fact is wrong, one third of all teen suicides are LGBT teens. Anyways, I will state what has already been stated, your parents will have to accept your sexuality at one point or another. I wouldn't force your relationship with this girl on them, that would probably make things worse and your dad's reaction would probably be what you expect. If you get them back to where they're not on the look-out like the way you have described, it would be best. Once you get them to this point, you can tell them, that way they'll think "hmm, my daughter is dating this girl, and we trusted them...I guess that means that we can trust our daughter and this girl." Also! Don't forget your girlfriend, I would let her know about the situation, that way no confusion occurs and there isn't a messy break-up. If that happens, your parents are bound to notice that something is up because said girl isn't coming to your house and you aren't going to said girls house to hang out. Good luck and congratulations on finding a girlfriend.