I'm 22 and gay. I'm a college student, and most, if not all, of my friends are straight. Two of the three people who I would consider "best friends" are straight males who don't know that I am gay. Though I don't know if I can consider anyone a "best friend," even family, because I don't share my personal life with anyone else. I came out to my mom, some internet friends, and the friends from my hometown back in mid-2010. They acted accepting, but I've only felt worse around them since. My mom keeps asking when I will find a girlfriend and make her a grandmother when she gets drunk. My friends just don't look at me or treat me in the same way anymore, with the exception of just one. They are nice to me, but it feels like there is an elephant in the room that wasn't there before. The other two people who I would call "best friends" aren't homophobic in the slightest and see homosexuality as normal. I don't want the same thing to happen with them though, where they just keep acting nice just because they feel it is the right thing to do while really not being okay with it inside. I'd really like to find a long-term relationship, but if it means I have to lose all my friends or never have the same relationships with them as before, I'm not sure if it's worth it. Another problem that I have is that I am kind of undesirable. Should I come out? Should I just stay in the closet forever to everyone else? Should I hook up with a straight woman instead? (There are women who have shown interest in me surprisingly, and one of them is a good friend who I talk to on a semi-regular basis.) Thanks to anyone who can help.
Well, more than anything, you just seem really self-conscious... If you really are ugly, change how you look. If you really are uninteresting, get a hobby to talk about. If you're friends really don't like you for being gay, get new, more accepting friends. If none of these work, then it's all in your head, in which case, talk to someone about it. Unless I read your post wrong, you've come out to pretty much everyone except your accepting friends. If they see homosexuality as normal, and you trust them, they should be at the top of your list of who to come out to. If you're suicidal, please get help.
If you lose friends, you were likely to lose them for one reason or another anyway.(Disagreements, whoever you have a relationship with takes all your time, etc) People who leave you for such small reasons aren't really worth it. Not to mention how do you know for sure one of them isn't in the closet too and waiting for you to say something? If you see yourself as undesirable, change look to something you like, even the ugliest of people on earth can wear something different, slim down, put on weight, etc. in order to make themselves look better. Hope this helps, college is too hard as is to be thinking too much about stuff that like this that is supposed to be easier to deal with. grrr at my slow typing
