Well... I'm lost. I must admit it. Maybe not as lost as I was last July but still... So I'll update my life a bit... I came out to my best friend (my only real friend, a girl) and she is SO supportive. We've never been this close and she's a really good friend to me. I came out to her at 1PM that day. I came out to my mom 12 hours later... at 1AM... lol, long story. She's supportive and she really is ok with it, she's even closer to me than she's ever been. Though there is like this cold I feel between us... but she doesn't seem to feel it. But I do. I don't know what to do to be comfortable around her :icon_conf (Problem #1). I'm also moving in my own apartment this summer with my cousin (she doesn't know yet I'm gay...) in another city for college. So it's a new life waiting for me... So here's the problem... the situation with my father hasn't gotten any better. Only worse I think. He's bipolar and he often gets down... He gets mad at everything and nothing. He's also very aggressive and we often end up in a fight together. We're so not the same. So I don't feel like being "nice" to him since I know that after all, he hates me for being gay even though he doesn't know yet. Yesterday we had a fight. He also had a fight with my mom. And this morning he told my mom that he was trying to get closer to me but that it doesn't work because I'm always being distant with him. He thinks I don't love him. But my father to me is like... a stranger. I've never been close to him. And I don't feel like getting close to him since I know that this summer, when I'll come out to him... our relationship will fall in the water. He's so homophobic... and I'm sure it's because he doesn't know anything about homosexuality and that scares him. He's also uber racist too... and there too, I'm convicted that it's because he doesn't know anything about other people in the world. He'd not much educated either... actually, at this point, in my life, I'm more educated than him... he did not finish high school. So that might be the problem I don't know... So I don't really know what to do about this :icon_conf (Problem #2). Any advices? Please ^^ . P.S. Sorry about the mistakes... hehe. I'm a poor Canadian frenchie! lol
Bi-polar disorder is difficult, the person that is affected with the disorder has a chemical imbalance. That by itself though is not a free pass to be socially disruptive, including fighting with people. Hopefully, for your family's sake the fighting being described is not physical. You have to make a choice on when to come out to your father. Will it be today? Tomorrow? Next week? Next month? 1, 5, 10, 50 years down the road? At his graveside? Personally, given the little information that I have of your situation, I think the sooner the better, with the caveat of danger to you or others around you. If giving your father this information puts you, or someone around you in danger, put it off until that danger is not imminent. I just wrote in a different thread that sometimes when someone has a person that they can attach to homosexuality it provides them a clearer thought process and allows them to become more accepting. That, unfortunately, is not always the case. However, the fact will not change that you are gay. You couldn't live your full life hiding this part of you and still be happy. I think, at some point, we have to be able to cut losses and say, "This is who I am. I am happy that I am me. If you are unable to accept it, I feel sorry for you. I though can not and will not change who I am and will be. I hope you will be able to understand and accept it in the future."
Thanks for the advices =] ! I also think that the sooner the better to tell him, though my mom thinks I should tell him later... much later. But anyways... lol.
