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Annoyed with myself!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ccdd, Mar 25, 2008.

  1. ccdd

    ccdd Guest

    I'm feeling a little stupid at present. Essentially, last time I saw my mum, she asked me about if there were any new nice men on the scene...anyway, I had to go and tell her about that one guy I like (although, obviously, not all the details). And then, yesterday, for some inexplicable reason I brought up this other guy I'm not actually interested in and kept talking about him... now, as some of you will know, I do sometimes kinda like men, which is *so* confusing, so when I'm discussing this with my mum it's not like I'm lying, it's just that it's totally giving the wrong impression... Plus, gayness/homosexuality does come up a lot in general conversation, but I never actually say anything.

    Plus, I was talking to the person I consider one of my best friends (who I'm not out to cos we've known each other for years and there's the whole you've-been-been-lying-thing) and of course I start talking about guys, against my better judgement, which is usually very good. And then of course today I get texts from her where she's joking about all the men I have around me (yeah, like as if!!) and how I keep getting chatted up by men and the like. And again, I'm not lying, because ever since I've come out to myself I've found myself getting talked to by guys, which is weird, cos I don't want them...I think it's because I'm more relaxed, and I actually initiate conversations and stuff, whereas before I wouldn't approach them. But of course I tell these stories along the lines of this-random-guy-I-had-a-chat-to and it just gives totally the wrong impression!! It's all my fault, for telling the stories, but it's only the last week or so that my judgement's been bad...

    I just feel as though I'm reinforcing that I'm straight, when that's the last thing I want to do. But then, if I'm bisexual (which I think I am), then it's ok to talk about guys isn't it? Except that I'm then only telling half the story... And I'm making it harder for when I do come out...

    Plus I'm not sure why I'm not out to them anyway. Oh!! I'm just so annoyed with myself!! Why is it that when I read about other people it all seems so clear yet with my own life it all seems so complicated???
     
  2. justjoshoh

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    Sometimes we all were masks that hide our true identity. There is hope that you realize that you are masking yourself though and want to reveal the you behind it. If you can't come up with any reason not to come out, I am not going to make them up. Come out already, relieve yourself of that stress that has been building up.

    On dealing with your life versus others, it is more difficult to come to a clear conclusion with your own life because you, by human nature, tend to over analyze the smallest of details that you don't get to even know when dealing with other people's issues.
     
  3. Trumpetplyer23

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    If you think you're bisexual, then its okay to talk about an attractive guy. Hell, I do it all the time with my mom, whereas with my friends I talk about attractive guys and girls. Just because you're talking about guys doesn't mean you're reinforcing your straightness. It just means you find guys attractive, not that you don't find girls attractive as well.

    About guys talking to you. Many straight guys are attracted to strong, relaxed, independent women. They don't like to see a girl standing on the sidelines of life, so to speak. If they see that you are relaxed and independent, they're more likely to talk to you.

    However, being relaxed and okay with yourself works in two dimensions. A bi/gay girl sees a woman that is independent and relaxed with herself, they will probably find that woman attractive. Most people don't want someone who is completely dependent on them, they like to see someone with their own mind, spirit, and will to do things their own way.

    The stereotype in this world today, is that everyone is straight. Now, we all know that this just is a wrong, misinformed stereotype. Your friends, co-workers, family, and strangers will assume that you are straight because of an old stereotype. Is it because of prejudice? Not always, its just what they have been taught for all of their life.

    It might be best to come out to the friend that you are talking about, that way she'll know that you are attracted to men, but you are also attracted to women. Friends are often easier to come out to than your parents. Once you come out to her, then some of the stress will be relieved. Then, after awhile, you'll probably start feeling comfortable about yourself and find coming out to your parents will be easier.

    Bests of luck!