Hey, I googled something about coming out and it led me here. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. It might sound dramatic but I can't keep living this lie I'm in, I'm sick of it but I don't think I'm ready to come out, the reason being is I hope one day I will wake up and snap out of it (no offence to anyone.) I just want a normal life, like all the other guys in my university have. I thought that I was playing the fake straight card pretty well, until recently one of the people in my college told me everyone presumed I was gay, so I straight out denied it and told her to tell everyone I wasn't.. But now I wish I didn't. I just want to be free of it, but I'm afraid if I do come out I won't ever find happiness, I'm only 19 but I keep thinking that I'm gonna be alone forever, after college, (where most of my friends are girls) who are going to want to hang around with me when they are getting on with their own lives? boyfriends, sstarting families etc. And what if I never find someone that I would want to settle down with because I'm not into camp guys, the only guys I've ever fancied are mostly straight. I'm so confused, scared and fed up I honestly don't know what to do anymore, its getting me so down and depressed and I don't know how much more I can take. If anyone out there has any sort of advice for me, I would really appreciate it, because I have no-one I feel that I can open up and talk to about all of this. Thank you.
I used to feel a similar kind of way, in terms of being forever alone romantically and such. If I had to give it a name, it'd be 'despair', to be a bit dramatic. It might help you to think of being gay as still being normal. Someone could be average in general about everything, and also gay. It's just another side of them. Being gay doesn't mean you have to be super macho, or super campy. It's best to just be yourself, and act how you normally do. On the contrary, I think that if you came out, you'd have a better chance of finding happiness. I don't know how things are, how tolerant people are, how people perceive gay people, in Dublin... But in general, people in college / university have a more open-minded view of things, as is the nature of the shift between high school and higher level education, which is more focused on asking your own questions, and thinking for yourself. To be blunt, it doesn't sound like you're fully convinced or comfortable with yourself being gay. You likely can only achieve being comfortable with yourself after some more introspection and acceptance of yourself. It's okay to be gay. It's wonderful, even. You can't let yourself beat yourself up over these issues, and you can't let others do that, either. Keep that in mind, and you might feel better about yourself as time goes on. I hope your post was cathartic for you. Sometimes you just have to let things out, and writing is a great way to do that. And I hope I managed to help you in some way, even if it was just to lend a listening ear. These forums are a nice place for you to be able to talk to others about your thoughts and feelings, and I encourage you to keep on doing so.
Man I'm in the same boat as you.. I am honestly not sure that I am gay or straight..probably am bi. All of my friends and family ask me if I will ever get a girlfriend, but I don't really feel attraction towards women. I honestly don't know where to turn so I asked help on these forums. I would honestly start experimenting with yourself and try things...watch some gay porn (weird prompt) and see if it turns you on...try out going to a gay club\bar and talk with other gay ppl. Honestly, I want to be either straight or gay, not bi. You can always raise a family with another person of the same sex. A recent study on my local news found that 100% of homosexual couples raising children didn't effect the child in any way negatively. Society sucks and people will be haters. Try and find some good friends you can talk to, maybe another gay friend whom you trust - that is what I'm doing right now and he has been helpful. Thank you.
Hi! Welcome Before deciding or forming an opinion on anything in life, it's very important to get yourself informed about the details You seem to be holding to many misconceptions here. Sure you do. You are here, asking questions and trying to find the answers. That's exactly what you should be doing. Being gay sucks. A lot of us wanted to be able to snap out of it, so no, I don't think you are offending anyone here. But we are gay, not as in "I am who I am and I like men" but "I am who I am because I like men". It's often been said that being gay is like "playing life" on hard. Snapping out of that would just be using cheat codes Being gay rules Sorry, my lighthearted approach to this is only to try to get you a little out of the gloom. There's the thing. Every tenth of these guys could also be gay. Every additional fifth could be bi. You are not alone, even at your university. Unfortunately, we live in an age when being out has not yet caught massively on. That, however, doesn't change the fact that there are so many of us around. You are far from alone. Hmm.. I know it seems different now, but college friendships turn into after-graduation friendships in a surprisingly small number of cases. After you finish your education, you get a job and meet people there; you start hanging with other people; you start finding people at sports, through business contacts; you start getting back somewhat to you childhood friends maybe.. in any case, college is great and some friendships do endure, but all in all, it doesn't hold as much as it would seem. And that has nothing to do with sexuality. 1. what if you were straight and never found someone to settle down with? 2. neither are gay people camp nor camp people gay Sometimes the two come together, but not always. I'm as gay as you can be and when you look at me you'd never say it. 3. how do you know they are straight? You mean they act straight? No such thing really.. people are people. (*hug*) Don't worry. This whole site is here specifically to help you In short, I think you should spend some time around, get to see that gay people are really normal, everyday folk You have these misconceptions which you should get rid of. When you do, you wil realize that there's a lot to be happy about and hopeful for.
Hi JayJ You said in your post "what if I never find someone that I would want to settle down with because I'm not into camp guys, the only guys I've ever fancied are mostly straight" This is one of the things that held me back for years; I thought that because I was not effeminate or even attracted to effeminate gays then I could not be gay. The fact is that most gay guys (80%) are not camp they are just like any other straight guy on the outside and there are millions of us to choose from. At the end of the day attraction and love is really all about one grey soggy mess behind your eyes falling for another grey soggy mess behind someone else’s eyes, who cares about the wrapper. It took me years to come out of the closet after realising I was gay in my mid-40s and only this last weekend came out to my wife, I bitterly regret not doing it sooner because of all the stress and anxiety it caused . So if you are sure you are gay why not come out amongst your friends at University, if you feel uncomfortable at having denied being gay when asked in the past just say you weren’t ready then. I bet you didn’t have any problems when everyone thought you were gay so why not make it official, go out and enjoy life have fun. (!) If you get this worry about the closet out of the way then you will have more time to concentrate fully on your studies. Sale Gay Guy (*hug*)
thanks for your advice guys, it was all just getting on top of me last night, I don't think I'm ready yet to come out, but I'll give some of the advice I've read a go. It makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one feeling the way I am, so really thank you for sharing, means alot.
