Hi everyone Alright, I don't really know if this is going to be worth reading for anyone but well, this forum and all the stuff you people write and comment is helping me quite a lot (especially the "funny responses thread :icon_bigg) and I thought, perhaps some of you might relate to my situation as much as I did with some of your stories. And I just feel the need to write down my thoughts, so here we go: I have known that I am not really hetero and "normal" (stupid word, I know) for years and it took me a while to realize that I might be bi or gay. The "problem" is that when I was 16 I had a girlfriend for about a year and a half - The relationship broke for other reasons btw - and this was very convenient since it made it easy for me to say to myself "you can't be gay, you are in love and sleeping with a girl" and still today I sometimes think "how can you have had a relationship AND be gay at the same time". I know that I didn't enjoy it as much as I would being with a man. I am looking at guys on the street, in public transport, etc., watching :***: - fun stuff on the internet - and I have simply no interest whatsoever in intimacy with girls (although I would be able to do it, hence this one long-term hetero relationship) So today I am not really in doubt about my sexuality and can safely say that I am gay (if I am bi I am certainly preferring men over women ) However, I haven't really accepted the thought of being gay or of being seen as a gay man. Yup, I guess its really more about how people's perception and how friends and family see me. I know I shouldn't care, but I do. Therefore I really want to get used to it and to talk about it and to finally come out! Now, the thing is that I am definitely one of those guys who have NOTHING to be afraid of and it just enoys me how stupid I am. I have supportive and open-minded friends who would still love me (or even more since I could finally be completely honest and open), I live in a big city and my family is great as well - in fact, my mom and my brother are supporting gay marriage and adoption (I have just never heard my father talking about it, but he is cool with it as well) and a family friend who is in his late 20s today actually came out to MY mother before talking to his own family to get her moral support. There are only a handful of people that might react in a negative way but well, they would either get used to it or I simply would not tell them or don't care. So yeah, no objective reasons for me not to tell my friends and family. And still, I was unable to do it for the past year and I am not planning to come out to my family anytime soon. Can somebody explain to me what my brain is doing? :icon_redf Back to my close friends: Funnily enough, my best friend (male, let's call him John) came out to a few selected friends around Christmas. First he said he was bi, then gay and now it seems like he is confused. (denial I suppose) It seems like he is struggling with it much more than I do, being afraid of loss and rejection, thoughts of suicide, crying, etc. His environment would be equally supportive and I think that much more people are assuming that he is gay anyway (he is more the well-dressed show tunes-loving type of guy, unlike me haha) And for some reason, I am not able to just TELL him... I even got a bit angry when he came out because I was jealous of him coming out earlier. (love my brain) Our mutual best (girl)friend, let's call her Jess, is very cool as well and the other day I was talking to her about John and his coming out and him being gay and a voice in my head was like "TELL HER YOU IDIOT!" but I just couldn't. I am pretty good at oppressing and denying feelings and negative/stressful thoughts, that's probably why nobody suspects anything - at least I think that nobody does, might be naive... :icon_wink Anyway, I really feel bad by now since my best friends are both extremely open and honest with me and I have no reason not to trust and tell them. To make a long story short: I am writing this to commit myself. I am planning to come out to at least one of them either tomorrow or the day after and I am hoping that through writing all this down here, I won't chicken out again. I am in my hometown now for a week and since I don't want to do it over Facebook, I simply HAVE to do it before leaving. If not, I will continue hiding it for another couple of months at least and I just feel so silly making such a big fuss about this while being in a relatively easy situation with such a supportive environment and a gay best friend.:eusa_doh: Well I could go on for ages but I don't want to bore you any longer so THANKS for your time, any thoughts and comments are more than welcome. Anyone in a similar situation? Any encouraging words or tips how to avoid chickening out tomorrow? Sorry for my english BTW, not my mother tongue!
Good for you man - if you're like me, it's difficult baring your soul to other people (which really is what it feels like the first couple of times you come out), so use your friend "John" to your advantage. It seems like he's the perfect person to come out to - and if you can put it in your head that you're opening up to him both for yourself and to help him through his rough time, maybe it'll give you a little more motivation to follow through. Glad you have a good support system around you, and good luck tomorrow!
Thanks for your reply - yeah looks like I'm like you when it comes to opening up and talking about feeling & stuff. You are absolutely right, I have already thought about how stupid it is that I could probably help him just talking about his situation - currently I am avoiding the topic which might make him think that I am uncomfortable with him being gay or whatever... However, I think I will tell "Jess" first, since she is much more relaxed and easy to talk to, so after the first "shock", I am sure we could talk for hours about it and it would help me to calm down a bit. I used to talk to her about all sort of emotional/private stuff so it wouldn't be that different, just a new subject that was hidden until now. With "John" on the other hand, we are both awkward when it comes to "talk about your feelings", we have known each other for 9 years but we just never talk about our love lives (quite understably ) and I think I will tell him soon after having told "Jess", maybe even with her help. Anyway, hope I am not gonna go crazy tomorrow!
