So I'm ready to come out, well to my best friend at least. I've known him ever since Kindergarten, but strangely enough we had never talked before until my senior year when we both started working at the same place. But ever since then, he's become one of the most influential people in my life and even though we don't get hang out like we use to, when we do, it's like we didn't miss a beat. He's a really accepting person and doesn't judge anyone, but I'm just afraid to tell him.:bang: I think it's because of three reasons: I'm afraid he might think I'm coming on to him. He's straight, but he's actually really feminine and he gets mistakenly assumed gay by strangers, so he gets hit on by guys a lot. I think he's a great guy, but I don't have any feelings for him, he's like a brother to me. I'm just worried that if he thinks this, that it end our friendship. I know, I'm really stupid for thinking this. >_< The second reason is that he just won't believe me.:eusa_doh: I think I've played the straight card well, probably too well that he or anyone else I tell just won't believe me. I'm not your typical gay guy. I really don't act or sound gay and I'm sort of big, far from skinny. :x I think this is more of a self conscious thing, but grrr I don't know. ._. And finally, I've been living this lie for a good 10-11 years now so how can I just tell people I'm gay? I mean I just can't say "Hey, I'm gay, sorry for lying to you all of this time." Can I really expect them to be that understanding? This really is the first step for me, what I'm really scared of is telling my family because some of them are not as accepting as my friend. I'm in a really weird situation that I don't think is unheard of, but I'm really hesitant to even post it here. Though that will have to wait for my next thread. Thanks in advance for all the help, I greatly appreciate it!
I'll address your three reasons. 1. I wouldn't worry about this. Be clear that you're not coming onto him by telling him, if you wish. I'd suggest that you do, though, just in case, but I don't know this guy. Only you can make the call whether or not to explicitly say so. 2. It's likely he'll believe you, unless you have a history of pretending to be gay to others, only to crack up when they believe you (which I doubt anyone really does). 3. Yes, you can expect people to be understanding. It's something that's not physically discernible, like hair colour and such. In a way, you haven't been living a lie. You've just went along with what people assumed about you and with what people assume of most people. If you think you might want to come out to your family eventually, it'd help to have a support net in case things go badly. Friends can function as that. I suppose I'll try to help you in your next thread about your family, more specifically, when the time comes. =)
Ok, I mean even if he thinks that, I'm betting he'll be cool after I tell him that I don't. I think I'm just being paranoid.:icon_conf Ha, I've tried my best not to even come off even remotely gay. (Which I feel sort of ashamed of.....) You know I've never thought about it that way, you actually don't how much better I feel about that now. Though I have agreed with some of my guy friends when they say a girl is hot and than ask me, so just to say something.:bang: I think those 3 things I listed are me just making excuses. I guess what I fear the most is that even though I'm so sure he'll be cool with it, that he actually won't be or he'll go and just tell everyone. I know he won't, but I've learn to expect the unexpected. So again:bang: Yeah that's what I was thinking, because I have a bad feeling that it might. Thanks a lot for the help and reassurance.
Ok I sent him a message on facebook that I talk to him about something and that he can swing by my work Sat., but I don't think I can wait till then. I've already had second thoughts about this and I'm having really bad anxiety attacks to the point that I feel like I'm going to puke. I really wanted to tell him in person, but I kind of just want to get it over with, would it be bad to send him a message on facebook or a text?
It wouldn't be bad at all. If you're going to tell him anyways, it's perfectly fine. I'd text him, saying something along the lines of I was trying to wait until Saturday, but I got really nervous and anxious about waiting until then. I wanted to tell you that I'm gay, because I feel that I can trust you. Good luck, whenever you do it! I get the impression that you think he'll be accepting, so I don't think there's much to lose, realistically speaking.
Ok I sent him a message, but I just asked him if he would promised that he wouldn't tell anyone what I'm about to tell him. I don't know why I couldn't just straight out tell him.:bang: WHY AM I BEING THIS WAY! ._.
...So did you actually tell him? If not, that's still fine. Wait for his response, and then tell him. If you have already told him (just a few minutes ago, I suppose), then there's nothing wrong with having added that extra bit about him keeping it a secret.
