hey i feel like the lion on the wizard of oz... think its him anyway.. i need some courage!! i planned it all in my head... telling one of my best mates - i planned, where, when, how.. then when it came to the perfect time... bottled it i was just about to say sumthin when she started saying how wierd being gay was :S.. of course that threw me an now i dont wanna tell her coz i dont want our friendship 2 change... what should i do?? i hate lying to everyone ... but since i "came out" to myself and let my self realise who i am i have been so much happier!! :icon_bigg ... damn these head, heart conflicts!! inside i pretty much know im gay and it makes me happy... but then my head says im tricking myself (i spent so long saying that i wasnt a lesbian its hard to know wot im acually thinking and wot i want to think... grrrrr... im confused... but not reli... i dunno!:bang: any advice would be very much appreciated thanx xxxx
You have the opportunity to educate your friend so being gay becomes less "weird". When its someone you know and love, things change.
Well I'm glad you feel confident in yourself, and as you've been planning it, you're obviously ready to tell your friend, so eventually worrying about it will get too much and you will find the courage to tell her If you're good friends, she will stick by you after you come out and hopefully the relationship won't change. She finds being gay weird but that's probably because she doesn't understand it, as Becky said, you have a chance to educate her.
Hello!! Absolutely everything you have said has happened to me at some point. 1) Getting up the courage to tell a friend, only to chicken out This happened to me TODAY. To an old friend, who I know won't care, and who is pro-gay rights. So why did I do this?? I understand your frustration. Failing courage is a universal experience on this forum, I think. We all just have to try again. 2) Hearing someone talk about how weird being gay was just as you're coming out. A similar thing happened with my sister, except it was this that ended up spurring me to come out - I can't find my post (I'm hopeless) but it's somewhere. But the gist is, as Becky said, education is key. "When it is someone you know and love, things change": this is my exact experience with my sister 3) Being much happier since coming out to yourself. Yep, I've posted about this too, somewhere... definately how I feel, and felt. 4) Inside you feel like you're tricking yourself. Yep, I've posted about this too...somewhere... I always feel as though I've *convinced* myself into thinking I'm gay, and that soon, I'm going to be straight again. In fact, I often feel different from everyone on EC because something inside me is saying "but yes, ccdd, you're different, because you aren't really gay, you're just pretending to be..." OK, so this isn't advice, but your post resonated with me so well I really wanted to respond to tell you that I have felt and done all those things, and don't worry, it will sort itself out... I will have a look for my relevant posts if you'd like me to find them.. Hope this helps, even if only in a at-least-I'm-not-the-only-one kind of way (which is what EC is best at really!!)
My experience of Becky's truth that "When it is someone you know and love, things change" thread: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8003 My "I'm so happy" I came out to myself thread: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6023 My "Actually no maybe I've just convinced myself of this" thread: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6925 Plus, as I said before, I chickened out of coming out to a friend today, just like you said you did So all I can really say is, it's hard, but I know what you're feeling, and how it's all confusing and everything!! But, we're here to help each other, and I hope I've helped somehow (although I realise I haven't actually given any advice as such - sorry! But I hope I've helped somehow anyway)
Aw bb *hugs* maybe what you could do is when you feel ready to tell your friend, refer them to the pflag site or something, cause you know its for friends too. Also, if you know your friend is uncomfortable with this kinda stuff, make sure you let her [im assuming its a she] know that you're telling her because you trust her, and you'd never "try anything" with her. I know thats what my mildly homophobic friend worried about when i first came out to her. just make sure you are ready to tell her, and if she ditches you, she wasnt worth your time anyway. :]
