How do you deal with friends 'finding out' as opposed to 'being told'?

Think of it this way. How would you know if they found out if they didn't tell you that they knew from XYZ person? If someone did know, they may or may not bring it up due to awkwardness on their part as well - in which case you wouldn't know that they knew, so no harm done. If they do bring it up, then I personally would feel violated that someone had violated my trust in them, unless I had told people that it was OK to talk about (which I have done with one person, as I personally don't care who knows. I don't think that it should be the subject of gossip, but I don't care who knows)

Also, you can ask the people that you come out to to keep it just between you for now. Most people will respect that, and tell them you will be extremely hurt if they don't.

As for acquaintances, again if you don't have contact with them, how will you know that they know or don't?

I wish I could practice what I'm about to preach, but you need to stop worrying about things that are not within your control, and work on controlling the things that are in your control (and I know this is hard, I still haven't mastered it!)

 

I say, "oh well, saved me from telling them."

 

I told a few people just before Christmas I was gay,

one friend thought I had already told him, but understood why I had kept it quiet, another friend suspected I was but wasn't sure but was supportive and thanked me for telling him, a third person had no idea, so you can never be sure, and even if they figure it out themselves, so if they suspected or another friend had said something to them they will still be happy that you decided to tell them.

Responses will vary but most will be happy you told them.

 

I'm transgender and when I first came out to a gay friend of mine, who was (and still is) much more open than I am and just used to being open with this stuff, he talked about it to two other mutual friends of ours assuming they already knew, but I hadn't seen them in a while and hadn't told them yet. When he told me that later I got really anxious for a second, but then I realized that it was just that anticipation like always.... Once it's done, it's done. It's scary to think about like anything else, but ultimately it's just as Incognito10 says. And it's not going to make a difference in the long run.

 

Kind of... but those friends who found out, I've barely even seen them since then either, and I haven't been alone with them at all. We were just kind of already going in that direction of each moving on to different things in life before they knew. If we were still actively hanging out I think we would have moved past it already, real friends can get over something like that.

 

They act normal. You won't know. They don't really want you to know they know unless you tell them. So it won't be to awkward. Nothing more than, "I already knew."