First a little background: I have come out as gay to many of my closest friends, 2 sisters, and 1 brother. It's a little confusing because I'm MTF Trans but I like women, so I'm kinda wishing I hadn't said anything about being gay because no one really understands that I am a woman(inside for now) that likes other women, and occasionally men. However, I think once I have been on HRT or even after SRS I will probably lose the attraction to men. Anyway, my mother and I are very close. She is an Esthetician(skin care specialist non PHD) and salon owner. I know she will be excepting, she might need some time to get used to it, but I know she will eventually be ok with this. I really want to tell her because she is my closest friend, and I really want a mother daughter relationship with her. I want to be able to talk to her about preventing cuts while shaving, or have her paint my nails as my hands are typically too shaky. Last night I was pretty upset, having had a bad day dealing with dysphoria, so I called her for comfort. Of course I skirted around the main issues, but she is catching on. I can tell she has thought I was gay before, I think I actually said something about how I feel I might be(knowing damn well I was) in a drunken cry session, and she was ok with it. Anyway, I told her, "I have a type of Identity issue, and every time I look into the proverbial mirror I see what I look like not who I am and I cry my heart out." I really want to tell her today when she drops by some product for a "friend of mine's skin condition" (astringent to fight razor burn and ingrown hairs for my legs). She is not dumb, I know she thinks something is going on, I just don't know how to tell her. She does know I have life altering news to tell her, and I'm just not ready yet but the time is coming soon. What should I do?
It sounds like you have a really good relationship with her, and you said she was okay with the thought of you being gay before. I would guess that she already suspects that something is going on. I think you should just go ahead and tell her if you feel the urge to when she comes over. It sounds like you don't really have anything to lose, and I bet it will really help to have her know so that you don't feel so alone (although you are never actually alone, we are all here for you!), but as far as she could support you and be an advocate for you. Whatever you decide to do, I will be thinking good thoughts for you!
