am i still a lesbian if i had sex with my ex boyfriend?

You were lonely. Your body most likely only responded to the stimulation. It happens even when we do not want the sex. Evil trick, considering it brings about mass confusion and guilt. It's your thoughts that will tell you your orientation. Like who you can see yourself with, especially in the long run. I get now is not the best thinking time.

 

You could be bi...but obviously if you say that you are a lesbian then you probably are. As wolfie said, your body was responding to sexual stimulation - your body wants the sex but your brain does not enjoy it. You know something is wrong when , psychologically speaking, there is not the right chemistry. If you are not enjoying sex or feeling wrong about your actions, then your brain has not released the chemicals..(dopamine - the happy chemical, and many more)

 

Like Wolfie Charm said, you were lonely, and since he's your only social support, and since you two had been intimate in the past it sounds like a natural reaction. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are attracted to him. Stay calm, this kind of thing happens, just breathe and clear your mind; if you over think it, it will only make things more complicated. Have you talked to him yet? It's important that he knows how you felt during all of this.

 

I was about to ask about the feeling being one of betrayal. It does make sense, and is a common reaction. My non-crude example is if someone says something hurtful but we try to act okay, when our body language says our true thoughts and someone points it out, making us further upset because now everyone knows that hurtful thing did strike a cord. I hope that makes sense... As for getting past that feeling...I guess that comes after acceptance that the body reacted of it's own volition.

 

Welcome to EC!!!
I'm going to be honest I could find any number of ways to relieve myself beside bedding an x boyfriend. You sure do need to rethink the relationship with this guy though. Why would you be talking to him later on line? If he is an x he sure doesn't sound like it. I am having difficulty with all of the communication between you if he is an x.
Do you get out? Do you work? Are there no places too make friends? I am sure there must be someway to fully cut him loose or this may well happen again.
No one can tell you if you are a lesbian or not. You have to know. Yes you can be a lesbian and you can also have a relationship with an x and not initiate sex with him.

 

Go with your head/heart. In early teen years, even now, I always hear that guys have two brains. One in the head and one down low. They (nobody give me grief, I know there are exceptions!) react based on the sudden desires of said secondary brain. Well we have these impulses for sex, too, so why can't it work both ways? Distinguishing can be hard, but if we have to force our minds, our hearts and souls, to follow that impulse, it's a fake. At least in my brain it works out something like that kinda convoluted explanation.

 

Having sex with a man, especially an ex who you were previously intimate with, does not nullify your orientation. When we want physical intimacy it is tempting to go back to the person we know we can get it from, even if it is an experience we know will not be fully enjoyable it is better than nothing. Our bodies can respond to physical stimulus, and sometimes our bodies want physical relief, and if we know where we can get it from someone we know and have emotional attachments to then our bodies do not always care about orientation.


You sound like you were lonely, and that is a big problem when you perceive your only social contact to be an ex partner. I have had to cut off all contact from an ex because it had gotten to the stage where we'd slip into old habits (flirting, sexual contact, etc.) because they were comfortable, and she was lonely, and I was lonely, but it wasn't right. It didn't feel right (for me) and it left me feeling hollow. Not only did it leave me feeling hollow but it meant I was not truly moving on from a relationship that had no part to play in my life anymore.

Try not to let having sex with your ex string you up emotionally. You had a relationship with him, he's your main social contact, given the factors involved having sex with him is not something you should beat yourself up over. Breathe, it's a new day with a new focus.

 

I think you are a lesbian. You were lonely and wanted to be with someone. This confused your emotions. *hugs*

 

Hey, confusedbuthere! I'm so glad that you found this site because you've come to the right place to seek support. I can totally understand how you feel because I've been with my ex boyfriend sexually in the past. Afterwards, I felt exactly how you've described; I felt used and it was such a terrible feeling. It's like, having meaningless sex even though you say you love him. I love my ex/kids father, but I don't have that "thing" for him because I can only have that with a woman.

It's cool that you and him can remain friends, but do not have sex with him again. It's only going to confuse you even more. I don't think you should question rather you're lesbian or not because you are. Everyone gets lonely sometimes and I know how easy it is to fall back into his arms. Like Kay mentioned, there are other ways to relieve yourself. It's not much fun because we all crave affection from other person. However, this incident has really left you feeling empty, which isn't good for your mental state. Hang in there girly, (*hug*)

 

Bodies respond to physical sensation. It doesn't necessarily reflect your orientation or enjoyment of sex.

Just think of it as the female equivalent of 'morning wood'.