D: I want to so badly come out to a friend via facebook message right now! I just can't bring myself to do it! WTF! I'm so worried that as soon as I do it, I'll feel guilty, and wrong, and regret doing it! :help::help::help::help::help:
A; How long have you been friends? B; How close are you? C; What does he/she think of alternate sexualities?
A) Friends for years, used to be bromantic , drifted recently but still friends. B) pretty close C) HE'S GAY!
OK, let's think this through: 1) you'll feel guilty...of what exactly? Will you have broken some rule, or custom? If so, what exactly are you to feel guilty about? 2) you'll feel wrong, so...what will make you feel right, staying in the closet? 3) you'll regret it...how sure are you of being gay? Alternatively, will you regret it because you may be rejected, laughed at, ridiculed, etc? Well, that's what "coming to terms" means: being very clear, using clear "terms" to describe how you feel, then finding other words, or terms, to put those feelings in the proper context. It is OK to be afraid, not OK to be paralyzed by it. The only way Out is to discover in yourself, with complete honesty, why you feel the way you do.
Okay, lets think this through For 1, and 2, actually rationally thinking about it, I don't think I'll feel guilt or feel wrong, they were just immediate negative thoughts. As for 3 though, I think I'd still feel regret. I'm 100% sure I'm gay. I'm ready to start telling people and I'm really wanting to, but I feel the regret will come in the form of as soon as I say it, what if I'm not ready to come out yet? Recently I've had this knowledge I'm gay, but I've been thinking 'but what if I'm not?', now it's changed to the fact that 'I'm ready to come out, but what if I'm not?'. I think it's my natural preservation instinct to avoid potential pain. But it just terrifies me! WHAT IF I'M NOT READY TO COME OUT? But I sooooooo badly want to!
OK, what, in exact terms, is the potential pain you are trying to avoid? If you so badly want to come out...explain to yourself, in exact terms, why? Is it because you are interested in the guy, or because you need to stop being in the closet and coming out to him will be easier than with others?
I really don't know, there's a physical attraction, but no emotional desire with him. I don't really know if I want it to lead 'anywhere'. I don't really think it'll be that much easier to come out to him, but if I'm honest there is a 'desire', in come out to him. I think I've realised I'm wanting to come out because, I've just started going to uni, I'm sick of not being able to be me, and most of all I'm sick of not being able to fall in love! I guess I'm craving some kind of intimacy, physical and emotional, but I don't really want it with him! I guess I'm still in the procrastination stage, it's gonna happen, just gotta make it happen.
It's OK to fear, it is a healthy emotion because it serves the imperative of self-preservation. Courage only means that you recognize the fear, but dealing with what you fear is more important than the fear itself. And coming out of the closet and living with integrity is dammed important! This is the right time in your life to do it! Do it right now.
I'm paralysed! I'm chatting to him now, and I've written a message saying I want to tell him something personal, but I just can't send it! I'm sweaty, shaking, and feeling like spewing!
Send it, what is the worst that can happen?? ---------- Post added 30th Mar 2013 at 05:06 PM ---------- Vulnerability is NOT a weakness! Send the message.
Holy. Shit. I just sent it. ---------- Post added 31st Mar 2013 at 12:11 PM ---------- Holy. Shit i just said it!!!!!!
Let us know how things turn out, if you like. We're here to support you no matter what. It was a big step you took, and it shows lots of daring and guts. Regardless of what happens, I suggest that you be proud of that.
YES!! Congratulations, raise your right hand, move it accross to your left and pat yourself on the shoulder: well done!!! ---------- Post added 30th Mar 2013 at 05:18 PM ---------- And tell us what happened!
You should do both at the same time. It'll be more awesome that way. I'm joking, actually. It'd probably melt :tears::icon_sad::eusa_doh:
So that is what joy feels like! Remember it forever, this is the beginning of you as you were meant to be!!! I think I'll have some celebratory ice cream myself
It takes incredible courage to be vulnerable, but you cannot achieve any kind of connection or intimacy without it. Consider this the first of many times when you will need to be exposed, whether it be in relationships, or business or whatever, vulnerability is the first and most important part of any meaningful connection in your life. We are truly proud of you for taking this step, well done! Well done! :eusa_clap(&&&)
