Confused

Hi! Since I was about 10 years old, I already felt that I was different. I felt attracted to the same sex but I was confused. I was also attracted to the opposite sex. Add to that my parents telling me to never be friends with gay people so I wont be influenced by them. So, I had an apparently normal life. I had girl crushes. But secretly, I always liked boys.

In college, I had a girlfriend. We have been together for the past 8 years already. I have been faithful to her, never saw another girl. We never had sex though. I just couldn't bear the thought of putting my penis inside a vagina.

When I took a post graduate degree, I met this guy. He was horny and I was craving to experience going to bed with the same sex. We had this thing going on for about a month until we both decided this was crazy. He was straight and I was confused.

My life continued on until I met this guy, about 6 years younger than I am. I immediately fell in love with him. However, I tend to go silent every time I am near him. I couldn't establish eye contact with him. I knew though that he was gay, or I think he is. I also wanted to be in a relationship with him. But being in a relationship with him would mean being in a relationship with two people at the same time. Kinda like cheating on my girlfriend. To add more, I'm not sure of me being gay. Maybe I just wanted to be gay and I'm not gay at all. I'm so confused.

What scares me most is the coming out part. I mean, I have a girlfriend, my friends are homophobes, people look up to me, the pressure on myself is just too much. The repercussions of coming out and the things at stake is just too much, but I am already 26 years old and I feel that I have to set things straight.

There's just too much questions looming in my brain. Am I gay or straight? Should I come out? Should I continue pursuing this guy? I really have no experience in courting a guy. This totally all new to me. I think he knows/thinks I'm gay though.