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trust and coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Ticklish Fish, Mar 30, 2013.

  1. Ticklish Fish

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    So I am finally making my first of few threads about myself lol.

    To start, how do you know that you trust people?

    I have been a kind of anti social person during middle school and high school. While some of the people I still talk to on facebook occasionally, part of me don't trust them :/ and then I don't trust people because I don't hang out with them much. And I don't hang out with people much because I have had the fear of people thinking remotely that I am gay. (logic fail on my part, I know)

    In fact, I was even asked by a straight guy if I am gay one time (long ago).
    at that time I was in denial so I kind of drift off topic to evade answering it. hahahaha. weird tactic, I know. some online friends (not here) I talked to said that sometimes even straight people/others can see your sexuality even if you tried your hardest to hide it, and IDK if that's true haha.
    For me, I used the mask of "nerd" to hide my sexuality. I was either into school work a lot or on computer games, or into my Asian entertainment @_@ I guess NOT talking about girls at all is even more obvious than talking about girls too much?

    I think I am getting into a ramble here. Thanks for reading. Bottom line is, how do i know if I trust the people if I don't get to know them well enough, AND if their activity on f acebook don't show much indication of support or disdain?

    last thing to add. my HS senior english teacher have indication that she's an ally. (even the red = sign picture).
    but i don't feel like I should tell her because it's not like, that big of a deal lol
     
  2. Bent

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    I think it's kinda difficult to know if you have somebody's confidence with something like your sexuality unless you know them well.
    Maybe you could feel them out a little by bringing up gay marriage etc which should be easy enough with the Supreme Court case.
    I'd recommend coming out to first your closest friends, then maybe see how that goes and continue on from there.
     
  3. Ticklish Fish

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    the first friend i came out to.. i think he told me he's gay first after entering college... and i took a little while to accept myself, and then tell him I am gay xD

    second friend I told that I am.. but she don't seem to enjoy talking about this topic much since it might be sexual/political lol. we end up talking about games more or something
     
  4. Acobi

    Acobi Guest

    Honestly, trust is complicated. How do you know when you can trust someone? There is not a real answer to that question, it really is a matter of feeling. I know that is subjective and not concrete, but there is no real criteria.

    I would say to begin is look at friends who you have had a long(er) friendship with. Those tend to be the more trustworthy, because you've known them for so long, and vice versa.

    Look to friends whom you have had any bonding experiences over. For me, it was a lot of my science classmates. Nothing solidifies friendship and trust like shared, brutal, suffering through organic chemistry :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    You don't have to come out to other LGBTQ people, I have only 1 real gay friend, but I am out to almost all my straight friends. The first person I came out too was one of my best friends, who is straight.

    Trust comes with friendships. Though, you can trust strangers too but for this matter it is incredibly personal at the beginning.
     
  5. Ticklish Fish

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    if by "longer relationships" you mean knowing people for a while, that probably won't work either :/ There are people I have met that i would consider friend, but i don't feel close enough to tell :/ (or rather, trusting that they won't be big mouth because really, words of mouth is a scary thing)

    i haven't made any college friends worth telling lol. I gone through ochem alone, *cough cough* Almost everybody I talks to disappears after the class is gone

    heh... feeling lol. the two people I have talked to are too busy of college student to talk to me anyways LOL
     
  6. Acobi

    Acobi Guest

    Hmm, yes generally speaking longer relationships warrant more trust. Well, you noted you have friends/people you met you would consider friends. Perhaps start getting to know these people more and it could lead to a very close friendship-possibly one you trust with with coming out too? It will take some effort, as does anything worth getting. Especially social interactions. Be proactive! :slight_smile:

    Well, you're a busy college student. If the two people you have talked to don't have time for your personal issue, things really bothering you, then maybe they are not as close friends/worth it to keep around. Or maybe they do have time for you, just you have not given them the chance to really open up to them.