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I want to come out but then confusion creeps in

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by James Dan Halin, Mar 30, 2013.

  1. James Dan Halin

    Regular Member

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    Well......my thoughts have been racing through my head for so long now and I have written a few posts already but I think they seem to ramble a bit. Now though I think I know how to really express what I want to say.

    I am 27 and im pretty sure im gay and I know I've had some sort of attraction to guys ever since I was in my teens. The thing is I haven't wanted to admit it. It's only been through the process of journaling and writing down my thoughts that I'm coming to this realization. The thing is I've never really had a girlfriend and the first girl I ever slept with was only because I wanted to try it as I thought I may of been gay but didn't want to admit it. Straight after tho I thought of what it would be like to be with a guy.

    I actually came out to my family a couple of years ago but because of my vulnerability some of the things they said to me to convince me I wasn't gay really got to me and I retracted that I was gay by saying I was just confused.

    Since that time I thought a bought guys so much it was starting to drive me crazy. But the thing is whenever in around mates and they start talking about girls it becomes natural talking about them in the way straight guys do. And I can honestly say that I do notice when a hot girl walks past. So that's where the confusion seeps in. Could it be that because I've been programmed within my environment to be straight that I am holding onto this, as ever since I was young of always wanted the wife kids and family?

    Over the past 10 years I've fanticised about guys and always noticed hot guys out in public even before I noticed girls. The thing is tho I've always brushed it to the side and still remained to the fact that I would end up with a wife. Does this sound like I've been in denial? It's starting to look that way to me.

    It was only in the last year that I've started to see guys and I love it. It feels so right. I even fell really hard for this one guy. Unfortunately he just wanted to stay mates.

    I want to come out but am so scared in case the same thing happens as last time. I'm a positive sort of person and I'm always giving others advice and helping others but when it comes to myself I can be toxic in my own thoughts. I tend to over analyze things.

    What if I say I'm gay and then it turns out I end up with a women not that that's likely but there's just so much doubt and confusion yet the thing is I think I already know exactly that I'm gay but just don't want to let go of my current identity.

    Any advice or feedback would be greatly appreciated and welcomed :slight_smile:
     
  2. jt1665

    Regular Member

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    I'm sure that there are better sources of advice on here than me, but I'd like to try to help if I can. First, let me say I know Exactly what you're going thru. You're description of yourself as being able to help everyone with their problems but over analyze your own problems is me to a tee. My advice to you would be to find someone that you trust completely and lay it all out for him or her and talk it out. If you're uncomfortable with that, perhaps a counselor would be a better choice. The point is, the sooner you figure out who you are, the sooner you can start dealing with it. I'm 48 years old and wasted my best years pretending I was someone I wasn't (even joining the US Marine Corps to throw people of the gay trail). If you're scared of telling anyone, that's normal. But my experience of coming out has been nothing but positive. I told my 2 best friends (both guys) and couldn't have gotten a better response. I told another (less close friend) great response as well, he in turn told several of our mutual friends and they were all cool with it too (especially the girls who were trying to think of guys they could hook me up with.) I'm happy to say that I haven't had a bad reaction yet, but if I do, fuck them. Either I've chosen my friends really well, or it's not nearly as big a deal as we all imagine it is.