Hey everyone, this is my first post- though I'm a long-time lurker. I guess you could say I've been partially out for a while now. My close friends and family know. I have had multiple sexual encounters with guys, but it's never been anything serious or deeply emotional. In fact, I've been having difficulty fitting in with the rest of the LGBT community where I'm from. Most of the male members are made up of white males and I've noticed some intense discrimination against my ethnicity (Asian). Now I realize this is also the case with white women and Asian men (as attested by some of my straight Asian male friends), but as I was slowly coming out I was hoping for less hostility towards my race. I am reluctant to be so open about this side of my life since I feel I would only be opening myself up to additional intolerance from homophobes and from the racists in my LGBT community. It's one thing to be rejected by a guy you like, it's another thing to be called ch**k by a group of drunk guys at a social gathering at the bar and no one even bats an eye. I've never faced this when I was at a sports bar minding my own business (I'm a masculine dude). I'm a bit lost here and really don't know what to do. I hate playing the victim and really just want to know how best to proceed. Thank you for all of your help.
That really sucks. It makes me so mad when people who've been targets of discrimination themselves go and treat others badly. They should know better! (I've encountered some gay-positive, anti-autistic people. David Kirby, who wrote Evidence of Harm, is a relatively famous example.)
You don't need to fit in. Who are they to make you feel that you need to fit in and meet their social standard? Fuck them. I'm the same as you, don't really fit the stereotypical mold of what a gay man 'should' be. You know what? I don't give a shit. Just be yourself and don't change for anybody. Meet friends (gay, straight, bi, whatever) that like you for you.
I'm asian too and I have the slightly same scenario when I visit my friend's GSA in the city of Alhambra (There's more white people and latino there). I would get reactions like "You're gay and asian? Pffft..." Just say that gay asians are still gay guys no matter what.
This is something ive come across too, unfortunately racism and negative stereotypes about minorities and people of color extends across sexualities. It can feel really bad to not feel accepted by the gay community around you, on top of already feeling like outsider in the broader community. But just like when faced with struggles or discrimination anywhere else in your life, you cant let the actions of a few people ruin your idea of the whole, and you cant let the ignorant words or actions change the way you feel about yourself. This is a very kind website in my experience, theres people here from different backgrounds who can relate with you as well. If you ever want someone to talk to about it, please hit me up. But also welcome! And feel comfortable to share
This is a thing? Ugh. I guess this isn't something I've ever run into, living in a city where pretty much half of the citizens are ethnic...
It's unfortunate that a lot of gay (not all or even most necessarily) people dream of a blond-haired blue eyed muscle jock as their ideal partner. It literally makes me sick to my stomach that as a community, a lot of us LGBT folk tend to worship the white boy-next-door jock type as the ideal person for dating. It's retarded, really. In my opinion, you are special PT1988, and in a good way. I happen to think Asian men are really sexy in general. I don't want to generalize, but I have rarely met a gay Asian male who has NOT been sensitive, empathetic towards others' feelings, and supportive in general. Maybe it's the upbringing, but who knows... Sometimes, it makes me want to cry because of how some of the other members of our community are treated by the community itself. As if we have the right to pass judgment onto others and to treat people within our own community as second class citizens. My advice? Recognize how special and how sexy you are to a lot of people. Treat others as you wish to be treated. Kill the racists and homophobes with your own kindness and understanding. Continue being yourself. I wish you luck, although you won't need it I'm sure if you ever feel like you need a friend to talk to, you're always welcome to message me.
