I'm having a lot of trouble coming out at the moment. In January and February I came out to four people. Since then I haven't told anyone. Every time I told someone I'd feel great, and then really regret it for a whole week. I spoke to my friend about it, and he said not to feel pressured to tell people. The thing is that right now I want to tell SOMEONE. At first I was really happy that absolutely nothing had changed, but I started to wonder whether they just didn't want to think about it or accept it. I guess I'd feel more comfortable if I could talk to my friends about it, but it feels really awkward for me whenever I do. Any advice?
I think this is really honest. I am struggling with some of that, too. I wonder if there are just "flat" periods. Then again, I wonder if I lack enough same-sex relationships to help me feel validated. I also wonder if the risk is always there to sort of slide back into the closet if we don't encounter the opportunity to out ourselves after a certain period of time. It sort of "feels" like we're back in the closet, but are we really? And how many people really care whether we're gay or not? I sure spend some time fretting over that. But I'm not out all that long either. Then again, I could be out for 5 years potentially and still experience this, I would bet. The scales of my wavering indecision cause me anxiety that there's probably no need for. It sure helps to have other relationships and meaningful friendships with other gay men and women, though. That helps us to feel connected and immersed into our community. Thanks for sharing this post.
In my limited experience with coming out, and from other sources of information, it seems to me that what you are experiencing is that the people you have told so far don't feel it is such a big deal. They were interested when you told them and now they are back to their normal, urgent, lives.
And I think that's a positive thing. This means that you friends know who you are, and you can be open with them. Moreover, they don't think it's a huge thing in your relationship with them. That's a great thing!
Haha, well I came out to another guy a week ago,and his words were 'that's cool, I don't care.' I guess I'd built it up so much in my head that the responses were sort of underwhelming.
Haha, wow. That's quite blunt and straight-forward of him. A friend of mine once said she liked spilling her emotions to guys because they'd be like, "Okay, I don't care. I'm gonna play CoD." Haha. Obviously, that's a generalization, but... It's humourous to me. Congratulations, though =)
I used to get this all the time when I was your age. Because it was such a big deal to me, I felt such an overwhelming feeling of anti-climax when coming out didn't matter as much to them as it did to me. I was expecting fireworks, tears, arguments, "no fucking way!?!?!?!" and all I got "oh cool, did you see the footy last night?" I think this was when I first realised that the world didn't (entirely) revolve around me. It's good your friends don't care - they accept you for who you are, and that's a special thing!
I think that you shouldn't necessary concentrate on telling more people at the moment rather talk to a good friend that you have come out to in more depth about being gay. That what I did with one of my friends and it made me feel better after I had quickly came out to him without really discussing it with him.
This. After coming out there comes a phase of "living as an out person", which just means incorporating your sexuality to your everyday life. Things like talking to your friends about crushes, dates, pointing cute people out, LGBT events happening, etc, help normalize the notion that being gay is just another part of your life. That being said, like you said, this process that be super uncomfortable. The only thing you can do is to just talk about it and push through the feeling of being uncomfortable. You can even tell your friends about your intentions if that makes it easier for you.
