It's been a while since I've actually posted but here's something I've never actually mentioned on here. At one point I was actually in love with one of my best friends. Now I say "at one point" because I think I have actually gotten over this now. After being friends with him for years, I have kind of worked out that he's not gay. I met this friend when I started university. I didn't actually find him attractive during my first year. It was only during my second year when I started to find him attractive. I remember staying at his place and secretly hoping that he would notice me, and feel the same about me. I know, that is quite sad! When it got to our final year of university, I remember he made a new friend and used to do stuff with him and not ask me. I felt so jealous about this and would always voice my opinion. One of the best examples of this was when we were on a night out and this new friend texted him asking him to do something else and I was like "what about me? Are you just gonna ditch your old friends?" His reply was basically "you sound like you're my girlfriend or something? What's wrong with you?" I realise with hindsight that I did probably sound weird at the time. This friend was always a virgin throughout our time at university, so I always held out the hope that maybe he was gay and maybe just playing a good pretending game. I always thought at the back of my mind that there was no chance anything could happen between us, because he is such a good friend. However if he ever made a move on me I know I wouldn't hesitate. Since we finished university, we live in different cities, so I don't see him as much. But recently one of my other friends texted me asking if I'd heard that this friend had slept with a random girl we knew at university. It made me feel like crap. Although I convinced myself that my friend wasn't gay, I was still shocked that he's eventually lost his virginity. After speaking to him, he seems quite serious about this girl. I am really jealous, and it's annoying me because I know I can't change how other people feel. It's just really hurt me because I always had false hope that one day this friend would come out. Is this just a case of me being selfish and hoping that some of my friends would come out as gay one day to make the process easier for me? And without telling me "just ignore it" does anyone have any advice as to how I can make myself feel better about this, as it has really hurt my feelings?
Hi Closet88 Your situation sounds very similar to mine, as I hoped that my friend (who I thought was a virgin, therefore possibly gay or bi) would one day come out and tell me he felt the same way. However recently I found out that he got a girlfriend which left me feeling hurt, jealous and devastated. But by knowing that he has a girlfriend, reality hit and I knew that there was a zero chance of it every happening between us. To begin with it hurt but with time I moved on. Making new friends and going to uni helped me feel better and I put the feelings behind me. So since you don't see him as much as you used too, you are already creating a good distance. You need to accept that the hope you had for him was false and that reality has hit. This reality does hurt but in time will go away. You should focus on other things such as hobbies, other friends, work etc. You also said he is a good friend, so try to put the idea of the good friendship before anything else you feel and focus on being happy for him instead of being jealous. Also don't be hard on yourself and no your not selfish, you cant help who you fall in love with. All the best mate
