Draft letter to my sister

So I took a step forward and wrote a letter, I just don't know when or how I'm gonna give it to her.... I go home this Saturday for 3 days then won't be home till end of May for summer break. Any advice??????????? I feel like I'm spinning in circle's thinking about this.


Dear (sister),

I’ve always felt like I could tell you anything and that is why I am writing you this letter today. I’m writing you instead of talking to you because I know I wouldn’t have the courage to say any of this out loud. That and with me always away for school or internships and you always with your kids, it’s difficult for us to get time to talk alone. I don’t mean to worry you. Everything is fine. I just have something I’ve been wanting and needing to tell you for quite some time. Something I’ve had to come to terms with myself before I could talk to anyone else about it. It’s taken me years to figure this out, but I’m gay.

This may come as a shock to you or maybe you already suspected it. Either way, I hope this doesn’t upset you or change the way you see me. I am, and always will be your sister. This doesn’t change who I am as a person. I just hope that this doesn’t change our relationship with each other and my relationship with the girls. (The girls are my nieces)

It has been a real battle for me. I remember years ago, if the thought “I might be gay” even crossed my mind, I would immediately shoot it down, lock it up, and try never to think about it again. I started struggling with this about 3 years ago, but now I realize that it’s been there even longer. This wasn’t something I chose. It’s not something I would have chosen, because living with this weight on my shoulders is very difficult. For a year, I struggled to fight it. I tried so hard to push it away, but only to realize it can’t be pushed away. I can’t change who I am.

I have only had the courage to tell a couple friends (Friend A & Friend B). Otherwise, no one else knows. It is important to me that this stays between us for now. I am not ready to tell mom, dad, or anyone else just yet. But when the time comes, I want them to find out from me.

Telling others about this is the most terrifying thing for me. I wanted to finally be honest with you, and I hope that you will try to understand some of what I have been going through. I’m still the same person I always was, I’m just finally being honest with you and myself. I’m sure you’re going to have questions, and going to want to talk to me about this. And I’d be happy to talk to you when we can find some time away from everyone else.

Your sister,
Frogger

 

Thanks! Yeah I'm afraid it will freak her out at first. That's why idk if i should give her some time to read it and think before she see's me.
Not sure if I should email it or actually print it and put in her room or something.
I've been dieing to tell her for some time now, but at the same time its terrifying. I just hope she can see past her religion for me.

 

Yeah I think I'll email it. Cuz knowing me I'll change my mind last minute. I said i was gonna tell her last summer and that never happened...
Only thing i didnt mention in the letter is that Friend A is also my girlfriend, and my sister knows her. She knows my gf as my best friend, and her kids know my gf as my best friend and they think of her as an aunt. Cuz she is literally always at my house.

 

I sent it finally.... Just now. I'm nervous as hell about it. I sent the letter in an email. I told her something was coming in an email soon, just not what it was. The letter i sent was longer than this one but almost the same thing.
I can't stop shaking and my heart is pounding so fast....
She probably won't see it until like late tonight when I'm in bed or late tomorrow night.

 

I just wanted to fill you guys in. My sister replied this morning while I was at work. I had a tough time getting anything done at work today... I'm glad to have my two intern friends at work who know and support me. She helped comfort me.


Anyway here was her reply:

"Hi Frogger. I got your letter. I won't tell anyone until you let me. I would never tell Mom or Dad. The only person I would want to talk to is (her husband), but I don't have to until you tell me I can. You definitely should be the one to talk to Mom and Dad, because I won't be able to answer their questions.

Why do you think you are gay?? Are you attracted to girls, or just not attracted to boys?? I really struggle with people being gay because I don't think we were meant to be that way. I think it is wrong. But then I know people say they are born that way and they aren't choosing to be gay, just like you are saying, but then our culture is so gay-celebrating right now that I think it will make people consider being gay who never considered it before.

Ok - I'll start by saying - it will not change my relationship with you, or you with my kids. ok? Although, I will also say that if you suddenly had a girlfriend, I would feel really awkward but it's because I dont' know what to think about it. ya know? I don't want to lose you as a sister or friend or aunt.

Can I tell you this makes me really sad?
I'm glad you could talk to Friend A and Friend B.
Let me absorb this and I'll write you again later.

-(sister)"


My other sister, who I'm not as close to, we dont talk much. But she supports gays. and after today, i really need someone to tell me its ok and that they love me. I think I'm gonna tell her tonight. We are talking on FB right now, just about gay rights, not about me.

 

Thanks guys. Yeah I'm hoping if i just give her some time she will accept me. I know that she would never stop loving me. I replied to her email I have posted above. Basically I told her how important she is to me and how important her option is to me. Cuz of all my family I really need her to accept me the most. I also tried to explain to her how I don't "think" i'm gay, I know I'm gay without telling her about my girlfriend.

Good news!! I told my other sister Wednesday night after my last post. She took it amazing! Practically guessed it, and once i told her she said how she still loved me and she'd always wondered if i was gay. We talked a bit. And she asked me if my best friend was my girlfriend (cuz its kinda obvious) and i told her of course. She was happy to hear it and said she liked my gf.

Even though sister2 is ok with it i really really need sister1 to accept me. She's so important to me. But I think she will come around. I just need to give her some time.

I know how much good news like this can help others on this site, cuz it helped me get to where I am. I just want others to see that it really can work out.

 

Here's an update for ya guys:

So i emailed sister1 cuz i wasn't sure if she was waiting for me to reply or not. I basically tried explaining to her how i knew i was gay without mentioning my girlfriend, which was really hard to do cuz I found out i was gay cuz i fell in love with her.


She replied with stuff like "If you go down this path, just know that you can always change your mind." and "I realize it is a hard decision for you either way. To be gay or not to be." and "Do you think it is alright to be gay? Or that you can be gay, but not act on it? Just stay single. Just think about that." "If you truly believe you were born this way, maybe there is no going back, but I've read stories about people who use to be gay and choose not to be that way anymore and are now married or just not gay."
"I've been trying to think of things for you to think about. Because in your situation, you can talk to people who are gay, who'll be able to tell you all about being gay, but they won't tell you not to be gay. Or you can talk to people like me, who have no idea what its like to be gay. All I want to do is talk you out of it."
"I can't throw bible verses at you... I mean I could, but I am sure you don't want me to. Homosexuality it wrong. I know you will get into some groups who'll tell you otherwise - That the bible says otherwise, but in the bible it is wrong. That's what I base all my truth off of. So that's why I say it is a sin."
"Just so you know too - just because someone, like me, is against homosexuality, doesn't me I hate people who are gay. Does that make sense? There's a lot of stuff out there that says Christian's are hateful because we don't approve of homosexuality. That is really untrue. I will love you the same. I just don't agree with that you are doing. Like when sister2 lived with sister2's husband before they got married. I REALLY don't agree with that. It can really big a huge mistake. And even though they may still have great marriage, in a lot of cases I think it sets people up for failure. But I still love sister2, even though I didn't agree with her."
"Let me know if I hurt your feelings or say something you think is stupid. I've never walked in this territory before."
"I still love you. I'm still looking forward to you being home this summer."


So then I replied with a really good response. Here's only part of what I said:
"This isn’t a matter of belief or religion. This is a matter of what is and what isn’t. I’m not saying I belief I was born this way. I don’t know what causes people to be gay and that’s not important to me right now. What’s important is that I know for a fact that I’m gay, and that it cannot change. I’m sure there are stories out there of people “changing,” of deciding not to be gay. Honestly if a person says they decided not to be gay, either they were never gay in the first place or they are bisexual (they like men and women). There are countless more stories out there about people who try to suppress it and get married. Some of those people live out the rest of their lives unhappy and not in love, others end up getting a divorce because their marriage isn’t built on love but instead it’s built on traditional gender roles. I’m not saying traditional gender roles are bad, I’m just saying that if a person is gay then relationships with traditional gender roles will never work. Do you think its ok for people to get married (male and female) even if they will never truly love each other? "
"You asked me if anything you said was hurtful, and honestly yes some of your words hurt and hit me deep. It hurts when you said just stay single. It hurts when you say, this is wrong and a sin. I know these are your beliefs but it is still hurtful. This isn’t about me dating someone, or about me being ‘gay’. Ignore the term. I hate labels anyway. You can call me gay, homosexual, lesbian, it doesn’t matter what word you tack on me it’s the same thing. I only label myself as gay because by definition that’s what I am, but that’s not how I think about it. I’m just like you Sister1, I want to live my life with someone who is the most important person in my life, who I live everyday just to hear them say ‘I love you’, who I care about more than I care about myself, and who I would be willing to give up my life, heart, and soul for. Would you rather me be single the rest of my life than to be with someone I love even if that someone is a female?"
"This isn’t something I’m deciding or choosing and it’s not just a phase. This is something that part of me, part of who I am, who I was, and who I will always be. There is only two choses I had: 1) Accept the reality, stop causing myself pain, hurt, exhaustion, and agony by denying it by not allowing myself to truly love someone or 2) Do NOT accept it, live a life of hurt, pain, and lies by denying myself the happiness of loving someone, by being with a man that I could NEVER truly love or just by being alone my whole life. Those are the only two choices for me. I would rather live my life happy, in love, with someone I care about deeply regardless of their sex. If I were to find someone I cared about and loved as deeply as you do your husband would it really matter if it was a male or female? Wouldn’t you just want me to live my life as happy and as loving as I can regardless of who it’s with? "


She hasn't replied to that yet, but she is really busy this week.
I know sister2 called sister1 and sister1 really really needs to talk to someone else about this. I just sent her a short email tonight saying she could talk to her best friend about it.