So now that I have finally chosen a college, I am on some facebook groups looking for a good roommate (i would prefer not to do it randomly, i'm not big on surprises lol). And I ran into a bit of a problem. I am already 100% sure I want to be out in college and I'm trying to think of the best way to go about doing it. So I figure I have two options: 1. I can find a roommate and not tell him I'm gay until it happens to come up (which could be pretty late into school). The thing I don't like about this is if I get to befriend the guy first, I will be a lot more worried about telling him later. Because I will obviously worry about keeping him as a friend. And there's also the fact that if he treats me different cuz of it it would definitely make things awkward to have him as a roommate. 2. I could also tell him I am gay right off the bat. I tried this with one person already who I just met, but its still pretty awkward. Cuz I basically gave him like a disclaimer, like "FYI I'm gay, just wanted to let you know". Whats good about this is it will definitely weed out anyone who wouldn't be okay with it, so i wont even have to worry about my roommate being cool about it because he obviously will be if i told him already! But whats bad is I'm afraid it will take me a lot longer to find someone to room with because there are still the ignorant ppl out there who don't want to room with gays. So each option has pros and cons, but I wanted some more advice on this. This situation has probably happened to other people in here, what are your thoughts??
I didn't have to deal with this in college, but from what I understand these days a lot of schools have roommate matching programs that include orientation issues re what sort of roommate you are looking for. You might check with your school about this. As far as how easy/hard being out might make finding a roommate, I'd say it probably depends on where you're going to school. A big school in a more liberal part of the country probably won't be much of an issue. A smaller school in a more conservative area may require more work. I would tend to agree that being out and open from the start will likely save on awkward conversations later, although again this may depend on what other issues may be found due to the school you are going to and its location. Hope this helps, Todd
Thanks for the reply, I am going to the University of Virginia. So its in a pretty conservative state, but the actual college is large enough where I heard it is pretty diverse and liberal.
In my opinion, option 2 would be the better choice. Like you said, it would weed out anyone who would give you problems about your sexuality. You might end up even finding someone on the group that you like a lot. Personally, I don't have a roommate, but I would use your second option if I had to choose one. I hope everything goes well with you in college. It is the best 4+ years of your life. Cherish each moment.
I am about to graduate and have been in the closet all 4 years of college. All I can suggest is that it gets harder to come out the longer you wait because as you become an upper classmen you tend to live in larger housing options with all of your close friends. This makes it awkward, as at least I know I think "What if I tell them and they all reject me?" I still have to live with everyone and see them everyday... On the other hand its college... don't let the best years of your life go to waste because of the closet like I have. With that said I have had the same roommate for all 4 years haha so random roomates are not always that bad. Seeing if there is something you can tick off on the roommate compatibility sheet is a good idea.
Did a google on UVA under 'university of virginia housing gay students) and quite a bit came up, including this page, which you might find helpful: LGBT ยป Resources Note in particular the first entry about on campus housing. This and the other stuff I saw makes it seem hopefully probable that they have some sort of program for matching you to a gay or gay-friendly roommate. Of course just because someone is gay doesn't mean they won't make you want to tear your hair out (some college roommates can be a pain, others are totally cool) , but having someone you can relate to should help a lot. Todd
