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Came out to my crush. Bittersweet

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by GingerGuy, Mar 31, 2013.

  1. GingerGuy

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    Most people say the hardest people to come out to are your parents, and I agree with them. However, we sometimes forget that telling the people we are in love with is also very hard, much more than it would be if it was only a friendship. Everyone believes you might be corresponded, and if you're rejected, it's going to hurt much more than any other bad experience in this world.

    Today, I finally came out to the boy I've crushed on for many months. Actually, it wasn't just a crush, but maybe the first time I've genuinely fallen in live with someone my whole life. Never before I felt so crushed, so hopeless, when I be and sure that he's straight. And I knew that making love to him wasn't enough. If I couldn't have him by my side for as long as I could, no one could have. This is why I felt, and still feel, so much hatred for his girlfriend, even though she has always been nice to me.

    I told him through whatssap, because I just couldn't do it face to face. I was complaining about my singlehood and finally dropped the bomb. Everything was planned and orchestrated, today I wanted to tell him instead of boiling it all up again.

    His reaction? He wasn't surprised at all, and said he already knew it. I believe in him, because I dropped hints of my gayness for a really long time, hoping he would notice it. And he did, just like pretty much all of my school. What happened later, however, is what made the story so bittersweet. He told me he would find it really weird if I happened to like him, and that he's so sure of his straightness as I am of my gayness. In other words, he told me that he has no idea about my feelings. None. And he'll never know.

    Many will say, "move on already", and I've tried to. But only succedeed partially. My brain does not view him as a romantic interest any longer. However, my heart still does, and this is a wound only time can heal. There's nothing I can do to avoid looking away everytime he kisses her, or to scroll down when I see pictures of the two on Facebook. If only he knew, and perhaps accepted it, life would be easier for me. But for him, things are better the way they are. And I won't destroy his happiness like he destroyed mine. Even though he did not knew it.

    "Someone like you" starts playing as background noise.