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I just found out my mums partner is a completely racist and homophobic biggot! HELP!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sully, Apr 1, 2013.

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  1. Sully

    Sully
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    Okay so I was in a bit of a heated argument with my mum and her partner, mainly about asylum seekers and that sort of stuff.

    I mentioned penalty of death in some countries for homosexuality just to gauge where they stood (knowing they're biggots). The conversation went on a my mums partner said, and I quote directly.

    "I only want to hang around white, heterosexual people"

    and

    "I don't want to be around blacks, or homosexuals, because I just don't"

    WHAT THE HELL! This makes me feel physically ill.

    I've just (yesterday) told ONE of my friends I was gay, and have been thinking about how I'll tell my mum. Now, I just don't know what to do! I don't know how he's changed my mum because she never used to be like that!

    This is too much, I was thinking when it's just me and my mum around just saying 'Me and your partner are going to have problems, I'm gay' then just walk out of the house and leave her standing there!
     
    #1 Sully, Apr 1, 2013
  2. HalfInsane

    HalfInsane
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    Re: I just found out my mums partner is a completely racist and homophobic biggot! HE

    I would stay away from theatrics; I definitely understand the appeal of saying "I'm gay!" And walked out, but that will only breed conflict.

    A lot of people who say things like your mothers partner have never even MET a gay person. And the preconceived idea they've formed in their head about what gay people are like is almost certainly wrong. I'm not saying he'll react well, but his opinion is just the result of ignorance and negative, preconceived ideas.
     
    #2 HalfInsane, Apr 1, 2013
  3. Sully

    Sully
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    Re: I just found out my mums partner is a completely racist and homophobic biggot! HE

    I've just started thinking, that there's really no reason that my mum or him needs to find out. Yeah it'll mean that I can't really be myself completely around them, but I guess until I'm fully ready I might just keep it with friends, who ever asks, and possibly my sister.

    Just hearing those things is really crushing, I was hoping to come out to my mum, but now, yeah, it's hard to hear that sort of stuff.
     
    #3 Sully, Apr 1, 2013
  4. skiff

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    Re: I just found out my mums partner is a completely racist and homophobic biggot! HE

    What makes you think being around somebody changes how you think? If I find myself in the company of ill informed people I do not become ill informed.

    If your mum was open minded in the past she still is. She may be hiding it "closeted" to keep this guy around for reasons that are not apparent to you. She may be lonely, getting insecure with age, yearning for more stability, or 1,000 different issues.

    He might not be her perfect man and she may have put herself in the closet to keep him. It happens.

    As you gain life experience you will learn there is more than one kind of closet. There are conservative closets, liberal closets, LGBT closets and others that people stuff themselves into simply for the feeling of belonging.

    It is people who stop thinking for themselves in lieu of dogmatic ideological views who pose danger to others. It is not the belief system it is people not thinking that is the issue.

    If your mum was an open minded thinker she most likely still is, but has stepped temporarily into some closet of fear to keep this guy.

    Eyes open, figure it out, help her out of her closet of fear and you help yourself.
     
    #4 skiff, Apr 1, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2013
  5. Sully

    Sully
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    Re: I just found out my mums partner is a completely racist and homophobic biggot! HE

    Honestly she's become really racist as well! She's the least closeted person I know! She's upfront about everything and will happily speak her mind! She hasn't been with this guy for long, but they're like two peas in a pod! They're perfectly suited! But perhaps if I do come out to her, she will closet it herself and not want it to be known to him!

    ---------- Post added 1st Apr 2013 at 10:54 PM ----------

    If what you say about people not changing if they're around others, that just means she's always been a racist biggot herself.
     
    #5 Sully, Apr 1, 2013
  6. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Re: I just found out my mums partner is a completely racist and homophobic biggot! HE

    Hi

    Keep in mind how open you are. Is it likely a racist, bigot could produce your sensibilities. Possible, yes; but probable...

    Look at you... Nobody knows your gay unless you want them to. There is always a chance your mom is putting on an act for this guy as she fears something more than putting up with him.

    If you came out she would have a hard choice; my son or this racist bum.

    Only you could best predict her choice. Some woman are terrified of growing old alone and as looks fade they become desperate.

    Talk to her, ask her directly if she really agrees with the crap this guy spouts.
     
    #6 skiff, Apr 1, 2013
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