Well first off if anyone's read anything that I've posted I'd just like to say thank you. It's been nice to know that so many of the thoughts and feeling I've felt were just mine own have been shared by so many. It lifts some of the loneliness. I'd discussed my bi-curiousity/same sex attraction pretty early on in my relationship with my ex-wife, it was a pretty singular conversation and certainly not something discussed in depth. In the whole process I've been going through in the past few months I've finally been able to say some things out loud that I never thought I would. My best friend is a woman that's about nine years younger then me..we live in the same building, dated about four years ago for a few months but have been a daily part of each others lives ever since. Over a year ago we tried dating again but it lasted a short while before we both agreed we were better as friends and without missing a beat our friendship resumed. A few months ago after some drinks and listening to her go on about bad experiences with men I shared some of my physical history with men-something I'd never told anyone. She was a bit shocked but said she had experimented with women years ago and that was pretty much the end of the conversation. About a month later with drinks in me again and after being down for a few weeks, I shared more with her about past abuse and about my attractions...I told her I was bi and again she was good-telling me stories of her own. She told me to stop driving myself crazy about it all and that it wasn't that big of a deal. We were both unsure about how or if the abuse I suffered had any impact on my orientation at all but we joked around about things a bit. A few funny texts about cute guys she met that she'd send my way, and me wondering why I'd want a man after all the headaches I see her get from them. A short while later after much more reflection I acknowledged the fact that I'm at the very least predominantly gay or bisexual leaning gay or whatever..I told her of this and she didn't really say anything, are friendship has just continued on as is. Which is nice in a way but theres been no more jokes or comments about my sexuality. Then theres times where we talk about relationships as she just got out of one and met a new guy and when I talk about wishing I could meet people as easily as her she will make comments like "the right girls out there for you" or "you just need to try harder to meet women", theres been no acknowledgement about any of our past discussions and I'm sure how to take it all. She was over last night for a bit and saw I had a picture of a shirtless guy on my computer screen and didn't say anything..we watched a movie and she talked a bit about one guy in it being hot I'm not sure if she was looking for my opinion..if I should bring up my sexuality again or if I should just give her the time to process it all.
i think she'll get the point, if she hasnt already. I am of the opinion that in our development something happens that makes you go one way or the other, or both with regards to orientation. I do have a traumatic experience that I believe caused me to develop my orientation as well. You will find lots of people who will claim that its determined at birth. I see that more as a current version of people looking to reinforce their beliefs. Religion was used in the past, these days its science, hence the "gay gene". Be with whomever makes you happy. I'm sure your friend is just trying to get you to solidify your orientation. You can't blame her: you were dating her for a short while there. She will come around though if she hasnt already.
To me wether it is determined at birth, genetics or a part of our development doesn't really matter..it is simply not a choice regardless and even if people were actively "choosing" their orientation that shouldn't matter either-who people are attracted to shouldn't cause as much pain or anguish as it does.. Instead of searching for why I'm just searching for acceptance and understanding of exactly what my orientation is. I'm sure my friend will come around-I maybe haven't been as clear as I should be just because it hasn't all been as clear to me as i would like it to be...I guess if maybe she was more encouraging me or excited by it it would probably help me with all the struggling.
Ya I hear you on that one. Sorry I didn't mean to run off on a tangent from the original question. I just found it interesting that you mentioned it because it's similar to myself. I agree with you, your friend should have been more accepting. Let me know of any updates.
