But, anyways. It's not that I'm asking for advice per se, but I just need to say this to the world. Sometimes I'm so sad that I'm not out to my family. I mean, it really hurts. This weekend my aunt was talking about this guy that he is in the Human Rights Council here in Brasil and he is religious and he has said a lot of homophobes, racist things during his years. He is minister in a Church yada yada yada and yeah... I can't explain a lot, just that he doesn't fit in the Council, and for president, right? ANYWAYS. Then my uncle, who I love with all my heart and I respect him a lot started saying shitty things about gays. I mean. I was devastated. And my mom got that I was really sad after he talked about this. But I'm not out to anyone in my family. Sometimes I just wished I would say it already, at least to my mom. But I don't know how she would react and I'm really afraid of her reaction. ALTHOUGH, I think she already knows. I give signs, I like a lot of gay-related posts on facebook and she is my friend there haha. PLUS, I hang out with a lot of gay guys and support gay marriage and stuff like that. My mom is a sweetheart. When one of my girl friends was dating another girl, my mom would always advice her mom to be her friend and be there for my friend. But even though my mom is such a good person, I'm still afraid to tell her, I don't know how she would react. AND I don't want anything that might irritate me this year. I wanna be calm and just stay focused. But sometimes I'm sad inside, because I can't tell my mom anything about this situation. I'm out to my friends and anybody who is new in my life, I'll tell them. But my family... I just can't. I don't wanna disappoint them. I just don't know what to do. I want to come out, but I don't. Do you get what I'm saying? It's so weird. I'm really just sad about all of this and I just wanna sit here and read and study so I don't focus on it. But... yeah. I'm sad right now. OKAY, BYE.
I think she might have an inkling as well. It does get somewhat depressing when nobody in your family truly knows, only suspects(or at least when we think they do.). I get the same way but still haven’t said anything. Though I think I almost did this weekend after a minor incident with a dinner server.
What happened to you that you almost said? Once my mom was in the table with my friends and I. And we were talking about a club, and I was like "yeah, nobody is nobody's there" (i don't know if you get. It's like, people can kiss anyone there that's okay) and one of the girls said "yeah... only Mari (me) that has only one GIRL" and I don't know if my mom got it, we just know we all laughed about it. It's soooo sad that I just think my mom knows but if I tell her and she is like "WHAT?!?!?" haha i'd be crushed.
It’s kinda stupid, but… My dad and I went to dinner and had this super polite/attentive guy waiting on us. He was constantly checking up on us and making sure had the right drinks and that the appetizer and everything was good, but he asked these things more than once and slightly more directed at me I guess. Well the more polite someone is to me the more polite I am to them. It's like an infectious giggle/smile and a good way to get me speaking up. I caught the parental eye roll that suggests flirting has just taken place. I wasn’t, I just smile when smiled at and act all embarrassed because I get anxious talking. So I almost said I am not interested in guys and more interested in girls. For me telling my mom (who is a lot like yours in being accepting and most likely suspecting) is no sweat, I just haven’t bothered. But telling my dad I sometimes worry over as of late. I just feel like he has an idea of how I will do things and I don't want to crush that more than I have. But I think he would be supportive and just alter the dream. I’ll get around to telling them when it truly comes up. I.E: "Hey, this is my girlfriend." I don’t have a desire to come out just yet. Makes me feel un-normal that I don’t, but oh well lol.
I know what you just mean! Haha... guys will always think I'm into them when I start talking to them, because I'm really nice and just talk a lot. Haha. That's funny that your dad thought you were flirting with him. OOPS. Yeah, I've always thought about "i'll only tell when I have a girlfriend". But sometimes I just get the feeling and just wanna tell. Just so it can be out there and I don't have to worry about that anymore. Just get this off my shoulders, you know? But what I have in mind is just tell when it's really necessary (because I don't want any stress in my life if I don't need it).
Yup, that’s my take. It's funny about the servers. I am like a magnet lol. But only guys. Totally unfair.
At OP: I totally get what you mean. The Idea of having to keep something secret with only you knowing is a pretty big burdon that you want to get out but don't want to deal with possibly desasterous consequences. It's like holding a bit of burning charcoal that you REEEALLY SHOULD be dropping, but you don't want to risk setting the entire carpet on fire when you do. (Awful analogy, sorry ) My situation was quite similar as in my mom being quite okay-ish with most things, but if my dad had found out, sh*t would have totally hit the fan. But I still felt a bit of ... Well, lets call it judgement-clouding irrational fear that she still might not be okay with it. After my dad had left us and the atmosphere around the house became a bit less like a warzone behind enemy lines, she sort of just asked me. It was literally just her saying "So what's up with the girls?" I may have said no a bit too emphasized because then she asked "and what about guys?" I answered of course with with all confidence "...maybe?" (I was sort of playing a game on my PC, needless to say my attention was totally in the real world after that xD) But it turned out alright, basically she said "Huh.. Well, that's okay, my uncle is gay too. Carry on." ...and then she just left the room and went about her daily things I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you think your mom is supportive of this stuff but you still fear shock or rejection, I think you may be underestimating her. From what you've told us so far, she would seemingly take it quite well, perhaps a bit surprised, but still quite well, even if she didn't suspect a thing at first.
Your mom was so cool about that, I almost want to just tell my mom. That's really nice of her, like... asking you and then just "yeah, okay, bye", it's so good to hear that, you know? It gives me a good feeling about that. As I was talking to one of my friends (who is gay), we are not telling our parents, but I guess some mothers just know. I mean, he says his mom might know because he likes fashion and stuff like that. And my mom might know because 1. I've never had a boyfriend 2. I never mention guys like "wow he's hot" 3. the way I dress is not that feminine. I guess sometimes she just knows and is just waiting. It's like you said, I don't wanna burn all the carpet if i drop the burning charcoal. I'll tell her eventually, I love her too much to just not tell her. She is a great mom and I like talking to her. The only problem is that she won't confront me about that just like your mother and ask me. She probably will just wait for me to tell her. My dad keeps mentioning "boyfriends" to me, and I'm like "-.-".
