Mom: I was always afraid that your sister was lesbian. Me: How come? Mom: She was always acting like a boy. I was so afraid. Me: Well, how did it work out? Mom: She started acting more like a girl in her teen years. Me: Well, what if she was actually lesbian? Would you still love her? Mom: Yes, of course I would. Me: Would you be okay with it? Mom: (long pause) I wouldn't like it because I really want her to marry a man and have a family. Me: What if she was? What would you do? (She kept avoiding my question so I don't know what her real answer is). I tried talking to her about it. T_T It doesn't seem like she'd be real happy to hear that her son is actually gay. Now what?
Wow...that sucks. The only thing I can think of is that in hypothetical situations rarely do you give answers that you will stick too so there is a chance that if/when you decide to come out that she will react differently(Hopefully in a more positive way). Good luck!
There are 2 things I picked up on your conversation, that were quite positive, one was what she said & one was what she didn't say! She said "that she would still love your Sister" this is what she said, which is a good thing, the thing that she didn't say was that she would kick her out or disown her, at the end of the day, like most mothers, she wants her children to be happy when they leave home, married with children, this is their chance to have Grandchildren & to become a Grandmother, that would be why she would be disappointed, You have a good mom there, who loves her children unconditionally, she may be disappointed at first that you are Gay, but at the end of the day she loves you & want's you to be happy & if that means being Gay, she will come to accept that, especially as this does not necessarily mean you won't have kids & she won't be a Grandma. If she wouldn't have accepted you being Gay, she would have said "she would have said "that she would have stopped loving your Sister & would have kicked her out, disowning her for good" which is what some parents do
Yeah, I agree. I think there are a lot of positives in the conversation you had with your mum. The disappointment she expressed is very typical and is much more about your mum challenging/dare I say, "mourning" her own expectations for her children. It sounds like your mum wants your daughter to be happy and, in her head, she sees a husband and a family as something that would make her happy... Anything different to that is (I assume) likely to be alien to her so of course she will need time to adjust and will be a little feaful of the unknown.. So, my advice is take the positives from the conversation and don't get hung up on the pauses/concerns your mum expressed. Plus, even by having that conversation with your mum, you've hopefully given her something to think about which should hopefully benefit you whenever you decide to tak to her about your sexuality! All the best.
