Experience before coming out?

I've never done anything with a guy or girl either. But I know i'm gay because i'm not interested in women at all and think and look at guys.
From what i've read in the post above, i'd say you were gay since you mention nothing about women at all, just guys. Do you have any interest in women?

 

I think before you can even begin to think about accepting it you need to figure out for yourself if you really are gay, to me it sounds like you are. I don't think the whole 'experience' thing has anything to do with it. I was in the exact same situation as you last year. I even went and found a girlfriend that I dated for a couple of months, she was beautiful, smart, funny, etc. In theory, she was almost the perfect woman. I think I hoped that by going out with her I could almost trick myself into believing that I was straight, or at least bisexual. But nothing changed and I'm still as gay as I was before having dated her.

Basically, what I'm saying is you don't need to have had an experience with both sexes to figure out what your orientation is. Only you know what feels natural and right for you, and I don't think sampling all of the options is going to change that. I think that maybe you are using it as a way of delaying acknowledging it.

Once you can finally admit it to yourself, it can be quite liberating. You don't need to tell anybody else until you are absolutely sure and have accepted it, which may take time.

It is possibe that you might be bisexual, are you/have you ever been attracted to girls in the same way you're attracted to guys?

 

I was in the exact same situation with my relationship, like yours it only really felt like a friendship, anything intimate with her felt really awkward and I really wasn't into it even though I really wanted to be.
Some aspects of life definitely would be easier for straight people, initially it probably will be awkward and may complicate things, but once everything settles down again you can live a perfectly normal, happy life with people who accept you for who you really are.
Feeling like you need to kiss a guy to confirm what you are thinking is perfectly normal and makes total sense. It's almost like the last part of the puzzle and could get rid of any doubts or answer any questions that you have.
Delaying things may make you more sure about it, but at the same time you're holding off on important life experiences (i.e. dating, relationships etc). It's almost as if your life will be on pause and you might end up regretting that. I've known for a really long time but I'm now only really at the beginning of the coming out process, and I regret now having started it years ago but, like you, I wanted to delay it.

 

I think what that guy said about overthinking the situation is probably right. I think I'm probably doing the same thing. I came out to one of my friends a few nights ago after having a few drinks, and I think the only reason that I came out then is because I wasn't thinking and it didn't seem like such a big deal.
I do know myself fairly well I think and I'm pretty comfortable with it now, though not entirely (I still sometimes fantasise about have a wife and kids and a house in the suburbs) The main reason that I'm not so sure is that I'm from a small rural Catholic community where being gay isn't really acceptable and even though I don't live there any more my mother and siblings still do and I'm worried that a lot of people there would think differently about them.
But I plan on being fully out before I go into my final year of university in September, I kind of want to wait till then because in a way it's kind of like going into a new phase of my life and if I'm out it will feel like more of a fresh start if that makes sense.

 

Exactly, being gay doesn't necessarily mean you have to give up everything you want out of life (marriage, kids, etc), it just means you have to adapt a bit and do things a little differently.

I'm from a rural part of Ireland where people views haven't quite evolved much (at least that's the impression I get), they are still very bigoted at times. I've only been able to really accept it since I moved to Spain where it is less taboo. But you are exactly right, it doesn't really matter where you're from, coming out is a really personal thing and it has more to do with your own personal feelings, beliefs, etc than it does with what other people might think. In reality, it's not a big deal at all, but when you're in the closet it's the biggest deal in the world and you kind of feel that coming out will have apocalyptic consequences, when really nobody really cares what your sexuality is.

 

I like what JPC said and agree with him and most peoples replies

I also have similarities with you and the last couple have days have made me realise that I think I am gay not the Bi I wished for (well actually I think and to be honest I sometimes just wish I was straight because its soo much easier) but shit happens and I guess the next step is dealing with that. the porn thing I'm similar in that Ive watched both straight and gay porn as a teenager but not gay porn till quite recently. Like you when watching straight porn im looking for the hot guys and wouldnt watch it otherwise.

EC is the most amazing website for you and me and so many others. Nothing is weird. You can be completely yourself without worrying about people finding out because of the monumental security that comes with the website (as it shows at the top of most pages on EC) So many days ive thought about things that I'd think no-one else would be talking about. the hey presto I come on here and someones saying what I'm thinking! (that includes your first post)

Brief story about me: I've had a shit sexual experience with a girl when I was travelling in Australia and the best experience with a guy on New years this year and it was incredible and felt right. I was, and still am afraid of people finding out. But sort of accept that it happened and when I think about it theres nothing but positive feelings.

 

EPC really is a great site, I've been coming on here for months but only now decided to join, and even though it's completely anonymous I think it's kind of a big step to come on here and talk to total strangers about what you're going through, things you would never say otherwise, and giving advice to others who are going through similar things.

I think on some level we all wish we were straight or bi at the very least, we'd probably have an easier life with more respect, rights, etc but in a way I think being gay is kind of better insofar as we have to go through a lot more than most straight people do and it builds character and helps us to know our own minds better and I think that's something to be sort of proud of.

 

You are definitely gay. You don't have to have a sexual experience to know that. Don't come out till your ready though. Take your time. If you want to figure yourself out more that is fine. I have had 0 experience with girls. The feelings I got holding a girls hand or cuddling with them and falling asleep with them was enough to let me know I was a lesbian. I have never wanted to be in a relationship with a guy. Good luck on your journey!

 

I identify with just about everything you've said, only I waited until a coupled weeks ago to finally start coming out. It's your ego that is fighting back and making you feel unsure. Once you can tell it to shut up, you'll be so much happier. It's a great feeling to be so relaxed, happy, and finally open with my emotions around those that I have told so far.

 

So basically I'm probably gonna repeat what everyone else said, but maybe in different words... It sounds to me that you're not completely straight. Most likely gay, because you haven't really been talking about women in the way you've been talking about men.

I hope you figure it out!

 

Sounds like you are the Dutch version of me! Similar age, similar dilemma...

I have only just started to come out (even just to myself!), and I haven't ever really done much with girls. However, I don't feel like I should have to sleep with both a man and a woman in order to make a final judgement. In fact, if I were to do that, I feel that I'd basically be using people, which isn't that cool.

In any case, though, I do coming out the closet should be done delicately and at one's own pace. Accept who you are first before blurting out with any raw emotions to the entire universe.

 

Experience has nothing to do with it. I haven't read the entire thread because I have to run, but basically I'm 34, and in your same situation (I've denied myself the experience because I thought it was "wrong", but also knew that I couldn't be in a fulfilling relationship with a woman. Ergo, no relationships of any kind).

I don't have any less confidence of the fact that I'm gay just because I don't have any experience. All of my sexual fantasies involve guys, not girls. Sounds like you're very, very similar, so I'd say with confidence based on what I've seen in one post that you are indeed gay.

Of course, you're the only person that can make that determination for yourself, but from the standpoint of a third-party, neutral observer, I'd say that you're gay.

 

Saying it to yourself is actually a pretty big deal. I've only ever said it out loud once, and even at that it was more of a whisper. Congrats!