Hi. So, at school today everyone was talking about prom, and people would ask me if I was going. I usually made of some bs excuse as to why I wasn't going, and people would say stuff like "so... your gay?" and several people asked me if I was. I I've only dated one girl in my whole life, and it was the only time people haven't asked if I was or called me faggot or anything like that. So anyways, how do people know? I'm not feminine or anything like that, and since around the time I found out I was attracted to guys, people have made assumptions about me or have asked if I'm a homosexual. I even act like I'm really conservative when I'm not really, so I'm not even vocal about my support of equality. How is it even possible that they would know? I feel like I have to constantly ensure that I don't say anything that can be portrayed as liberal or communist, because where I'm from, people associate democrats to communists. So, how would these people know this?
I doubt they know, in some peoples rather limited mindset they think "not normal" (ie not going to the prom/not liking football etc etc) = he must be gay. I was probably a bit conservative around that age, I had to be careful about that as I think that can be a sign IE trying to act so straight it hurts.
Here's a simple breakdown of what I believe the though process was; "So you're not going to prom?" (Search for physical/mental/personality reasons as to why you don't have a date) (Find nothing) (That's unusual) (Maybe he doesn't care about going out with girls) (Wait!...) "Are you Gay?" As for being called a faggot and such, unfortunately that just seems to be an insult of choice, so I wouldn't read too much in to that. Hope I helped
This is a good question. In high school I didn't date or get with any girls. I did go to prom both junior and senior year though. I kept a beard, and played sports everyday afterschool. I'm very masculine and don't fit any gay stereotypes really (even if they're bullshit). What I mean to say is, I really didn't do anything that would make me "seem" gay. Despite these things, my brothers still sort of put it together. My friends did as well. I don't know who calling you out (friends or random classmates), but the closer you are to them, the easier it seems they can tell. I think at the end of the day, we're all worse actors then we think we are. If they're calling it and you're not close to them, then I'm baffled. I hope the "faggot" is by your friends and is in a friendly manner, and not classmates. If you're being bullied then I'm sorry. I live in the northeast and not Alabama, so the homophobia is much less of an issue. It says you're not out at all so I assume you can't turn to anyone. In some ways, riding out my denial until college was good so I didn't have to deal with it in high school. But now the confusion is here so at least you're past that... Good luck to you. I don't know if I said anything that actually helped you, but I already wrote it.
I think some people can figure it out by the way someone looks at or talks about other people. For example, if you never gossip with other guys about an attractive girl, or you tend to look longer at guys and less long at girls, those would be hints.
I've had female co-workers tell me they could tell (even before I said anything) because when they got within my personal space I would unconsciously move or lean away from them. They claimed that a straight guy would do the opposite and move closer. I had never noticed I was doing it and just thought it was interesting. Todd
AKTodd, people are WAY too observant. I agree with what Ettina said - when you're the one guy who is completely silent when other guys are talking about girls, someone's bound to pick up on it. Also, I've noticed guys checking out girls multiple times - it's not hard to believe that someone could have seen you checking out a guy.
If there were any other guys in the office you might be on to something there, but I was the only one in our local dept. at this particular job at this particular time. Also, in the sort of job I work in you just pretty much sit and work on stuff. Social conversation is pretty limited and as mentioned, most people I work with are female. Talking about girls (or guys) in any sort of admiring way is a great way to get a visit with HR but otherwise has little to recommend it. Many years ago I was entering a mall with some female co-workers (we were at a training session in another city and it was after work) and was pretty blatantly checked out by a couple guys exiting as we went in. One of my co-workers commented on it later and I just said I appreciated the complement and didn't mind. They later told me that they figured I was gay from that since a straight guy would ALWAYS mind. Oh well. Todd
