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Meeting New People

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by tiredofreality, Mar 30, 2008.

  1. tiredofreality

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    I live in a smallish town, but have alot of friends. I don't know one single person that is Bi or Gay, and open about it. i know plenty of people and have my suspicions, but they arent open and i'm not going to mess with them about it, its their choice to come out. I have a few gay and Bi friends on myspace and messenger, and stuff, but i have never met a gay or bi person to hang with. I know that there are some at my school, but they are still in the closet. I kinda feel like i will never meet anyone that i could hang with or possibly have a relationship with. I have some friends that i know would be ok with me being bi or gay, and some that want me to be bi, cuz they say i give awesome advice, and they love to go shopping with me. Although i have some friends that would resent it, and never talk to me again, and i have talked to some people online that know my situation, and told me that they arent real friends if they do that, and i know this, but cant stand the thought of losing them. Some of my friends are real homophobes, and some i think are gay/bi themselves..but who knows. I watch plenty of soaps, and movies to give me hope that someday i will find someone, but find no truth in them, since they are after all, just soaps, and the characters are made up. I get caught up in the thought of real love, just to wonder if i will ever find it.
     
  2. byeee

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    Or as someone I know would say- the people that won't accept you as you are actually try to repress their sexuality.
    If you want it, you could try being open to a close group of friends. You never know what might happen :wink:
     
  3. Lexington

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    Well, you can't truly blame people for acting the precise way you are. If there are other gay students at your school, they obviously have the same fears and concerns that you have, and so it's not surprising that they've chosen the same path as you. The problem, of course, is that it leads to nobody revealing anything, and so nobody ever hooks up. Two solutions to this:

    1. Come out. Obviously, it'd cause some waves, you might lose some friends (and potential friends) due to it. But it'd be the most direct way.

    2. Befriend others. Don't approach them as "potential boyfriends", but simply cool new people to be friends with. If the relationship doesn't get much past the fun, occasionally-hang-out stage, that's cool - we could all use more friends. But if you get tight, and feel this guy is somebody you can share things with, you might come out to him personally. At that point, he'll hopefully be somebody you can confide in, and who knows? He may come out to you as well. You can always come out later. It seems to be easier to do post-high school.

    It'll be up to you which path would be most comfortable to you. Best of luck!

    Lex
     
  4. Paul_UK

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    I think all of Lex's advice is very good. If you are hiding and they are hiding it's going to be very difficult to find each other.

    How far away is your small town from somewhere bigger and likely to have some sort of gay youth group or whatever? And would you be able to get out and get there sometimes? That would be a good way of meeting other gay people around your age if the option is available somehow. Local gay support helplines would know what's available (these youth groups etc are usually not publicised generally for the safety and privacy of those attending).