well...here goes nothing.

Well...welcome to EC. Your story and mine share a few similarities. I've done everything I could to "make" myself straight, before realizing it was a fruitless endeavour. Most of the gay people I know are also really feminine, so growing up, I found it hard to relate to them. I'm not feminine at all.

As far as determining if a guy who isn't feminine acting is gay, I don't have any advice for you there. I'm not attracted to feminine guys either, and I've never dated a guy. I am taking it slow as far as coming out goes, as I live at home due to some unfortunate situations (although that's changing come August.)

Take some time for yourself. It's an adjustment going from "I want a wife and kids" to "I want a husband".

 

Hey Dude, Welcome to EC... You'll be alright here bud, we're pretty chilled laid back peepz ... well i am

dude when i first realised i was into guys the same thoughts creeped up to me too...at the time i thought gay guys were fem and i was shitting myself coz i thought i was going to end up like them and if i was to go for a guy it would be some one who acts like a chick and that is a hell no (my personal prefrence) ... so i did nothing about it and went with girls (im bi) and put dudes on the back burner coz i didnt know what to do...or who to speak to. i was 20 then

Then this year, i came back to EC and, got a better prospective of what was out there and realised that the way i thought of gay was just the general sterotype and that not all gays are like that... i was relieved that i wasnt going to start acting fem either... i dont know where to find masc guys either.. i was just lucky i over heard a dude talk to his mate about me and so i grew some balls and went for it... and he's introduced me to other guys (all masc)

so bruz dont beat yourself up about it... im pretty sure its normal what your going through. Good Luck on your new journey (damn im corny at times) and see your around on the forums :smilewave

 

First of all... There's nothing wrong with never having had a sexual relationship when you're 24. That's quite young, still. If it makes you feel better, you could watch the 40-year-old Virgin again. (!) I'm just kidding, but really, still, nothing wrong with being slightly older and inexperienced. It either means lack of opportunities, interest, or that you value your virginity (Ugh, I totally don't mean that to sound like similar to Cinderella the blond, chaste virgin with birds chirping outside, friend-to-all-living-things, etc.).

Secondly, I understand what you mean about supporting LGBT things and all, but not being able to accept it for yourself. I can say this: it's a struggle for many people. You likely won't be able to accept it within yourself without 2 things: a) exposure and b) an 'aha' (Like Oprah! (!)) moment (I'm kidding, but not really).

Exposure can be gained on these forums, readily and easily. A moment of clarity can be gained at any time, really. For me, it was when I had to explain to my mom that I knew for sure that I was gay. For you... Who knows when it'd happen, but it likely will happen one day. You've got to keep engaging these thoughts and feelings, though, for this moment to likely happen.

I'll say this: feminine gay guys are the 'most' noticeable. In some cases, the flamboyancy is played up, either because it makes them feel comfortable with themselves and how they're expected to act, or because they don't 'know' any other way to act. There are plenty of gay guys who are just 'normal' guys.

There's no real way to know if someone's gay or not, even feminine guys. The 'best' way to know is either to ask / bring up the topic, or to see if the person checks out other guys. Even then, the latter option may be ambiguous and may yield unfavourably indecisive results.

As for being a better dad than your father, and being a father, in general... This might make you feel a bit more at ease: Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka. Gay people can be wonderful parents, too. Really, gay parents are practically the same as straight parents, but sometimes a bit more thought has to be put into having children.

Don't hide that you're gay. It'll just make things messier and more tumultuous down the road for yourself and perhaps even others, as well.

I hope you can find the clarity that you may need and desire here. You weren't dramatic. You wanna see dramatic? Here.

Heh. More seriously, I hope things turn out nicely for you. EC is here to support you, too.

 

I've been drinking so I don't have much to offer, but this is why I really hope those 4 NFL players come out publicly...to get rid of that stereotype that gay people aren't manly. Dude I'm one of the most manly people I know. You say the only gay ppl u know ACT gay, this could sound rude so sorry if I offend, but I think the gay ppl that all of a sudden "act gay" are just as insecure as the people that stay in the closet....just be yourself and be happy

 

Hi Hitch :welcome: to EC ride: :goodluck: with telling your Mom :icon_bigg

 

Welcome to EC!

What you've said mirrors quite a lot about my life. When I was in school, all of the other gay guys lived up to all of the stereotypes and everyone seemed to think we all put on pumps and a party dress and head out to see musicals, when in reality the gay community is just as diverse, if not moreso, as the straight community. Gay men have types too, some prefer feminine guys, others prefer masculine guys, etc. That is perfectly normal. It can be almost impossible to tell if a guy is straight or a masculine gay guy, that's why we have things like gay bars.

I had a crappy dad too and I have always wanted, and still want, to be a father. I always wanted that ideal life of a wife, two kids, a golden retriever and a house with a picket fence. That was the hardest thing for me to accept about being gay. But the reality is that will never happen. That doesn't mean you can't be a father, though. There are so many options like surrogacy and adoption. You don't have to give up on your dreams, you just have to adapt them around your reality.

 

Well, you're right about the wife part. Technically speaking everything else on your list is perfectly doable

Todd

 

Jokes on us yah jackass

 

My jaw was literally on the floor reading your coming out story Hitch...I felt terrible lol.

I'm glad it went well though, congratulations! I bet it's a huge relief

 

I almost bought that for a minute :eusa_clap But then I realised no sane person who didn't have a death wish would ever come out to their mother in a moving vehicle.

Good for you that it went well, congrats

 

Oh man, you actually scared me there for a minute.

I'm glad it went well...

 

Congratulations ride:

 

Wow, reading the fake coming out story gave me a little scare, haha.
Just wanted to pitch in: I'm another gay guy who is just a normal guy (at least I think so). I don't think I'll suddenly turn more feminine when I come out (whenever that happens). I never thought about the ideal future until I really started considering my ambivalent feelings towards girls. Then I started to think, what if I'm gay? That would change my future!
This still scares me, and makes me wish I wasn't gay... but on the other hand I'm very happy I understand myself better, and can finally give my feelings a place.

I would say, give yourself happiness now, and find out where the road leads! Happiness and being content will lead to an even happier life, and the rest will come. Don't stress about the future, that only leads to futile wasting of effort.

 

I am in a similar situation... funny how this forum really shows us that ehh? I am 23 and have never had a real relationship of any sort due to being in the closet. I am a pretty masculine normal "straight" guy in every regard except for the whole not liking girls thing. This has made it particularly hard for me because I feel extremely isolated from my peers and feel like I do not belong anywhere. On one hand I am gay, despite how deep I am in the closet, and when I look at the stereotypical gay culture I do not see anything I can relate to. The feminine fabulous fashionable queens that run around the streets of Chicago in their underwear make me feel like I do not belong with that culture at all... and yet I am gay. By the way I don't mean to offend anyone at all by that last sentence in any way shape or form. I love you all.

Anyway I then look at all of my friends whole are straight normal guys... yea its strange how I really have no friends who are girls... only one. Most gay guys have the opposite with a bunch of girl friends right? But I feel like I do not belong in this group either... While I have almost everything in common with most of my friends and we do many different things together like lift and play video games ect the fact that picking up chicks is such a prominent thought and goal for all my friends all the time and that I do not share this makes me feel like I have no real "group". This of course leads to isolation and depression and just being so alone, even when I am not. Granted I always tell myself that if anyone I love whether it be friends or family or co workers would find out that I am gay they would reject me and I would loose everyone... which does not help.

And of course as you said you just cant walk up to a straight looking guy and try to flirt them up... you will get a fist in the face at best. Especially where I go to school... But at least you have gay friends who may be a good place to start helping you with support. I have no gay friends and only one very distant gay uncle who is the butt of all my familes "light hearted" jokes.

 

WOW, your story is SO similar to mine.

Only differences are that I'm bi and 18.

Anyway, I know what you mean that you don't like feminine gays and you don't want to be categorized with them. I'm the same. I don't find them attractive, but I obviously respect them. And just like you, I don't want people to consider me like them, because unlike them I'm masculine and like everything a straight guy would like. You're a blues fan, and I'm a HABS fan. GO HABS GO!

When I came out to my friends, they acted weird at first but they then realized im the exact same person, and they had no idea I was bi before. Everything went smoothly and they're still my friends and don't treat me any differently.

Good luck to you!