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Coming out to younger siblings?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by sage13, Apr 6, 2013.

  1. sage13

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    Hi :slight_smile: Sorry if this is a little long and drawn out.. So, currently, I am not at all. I'm pretty sure that I'm either bi or a lesbian. I'm not quite ready to label myself as either quite yet and I wasn't planning on coming out until I figured a few more things out. Also, I assumed that I would probably be telling two of my best friends first, if I did come out in the near future. However, my younger sister, who is almost 12 years old recently had to write and present a speech for a grade 6 English project. While her classmates chose topics on animals or sports, my sister chose to do her speech on gay rights and marriage. She didn't and still doesn't have any idea that I'm not straight. She told me that she wanted to do her speech on gay rights and marriage because there are several kids at school who always make homophobic remarks and bully one of the boys in their grade, who they think is gay. I have never been more proud of my sister! The speech she wrote was great and I helped her out with it. However, she was a little nervous because she thought some of the kids would tease her and think that she is gay. Also, my dad is slightly disapproving of homosexuality. She knows that and didn't tell him about her speech topic. It makes me really upset knowing that the kids at my school can be so prejudiced! I wanted to tell my sister that she can just tell them that her older sister is gay. I feel like such a coward not being honest about my sexuality when I know it could help others in my school or at least, my sister. However, like I said, my dad disapproves of people being gay, (although he has gotten better now that he works with a very open lesbian, who he's becoming friends with). I am not going to come out to my parents any time soon and probably won't until I finish high school. (I'm in grade 11 now.) Is it too much to ask of my sister not to tell my parents or brothers about my sexuality if I come out to her? I don't want to ask her to hide something from my parents. Also, I'm pretty sure my dad would not want me telling my sister, in case it "influenced" her. Does anyone have any experience coming out to younger siblings, but wanting them to keep it from your parents? My family is very close. I don't want to put my sister in an awkward situation. I just want to explain how much her speech meant to me and that she can tell any rude classmates that her sister is the gay one, not her. Thanks!
     
  2. Martjain

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    Look, honestly, I think it would be totally brave of you to come out for that purpose, but really if you tell her and she tells her classmates, ultimately, word is gonna get to your parents, and that's not what you want.
    Besides, you've got to consider your sister's maturity level, cause she may not be comfortable/capable of keeping something from your parents.
    Sooo, I would go for no, mainly because your parents may find out ultimately.
    But do whatevet you like.
    Cheers.
     
  3. My little sister is 10 and, she doesn't quite understand that girls can like girls so, I am waiting to tell her that I am a lesbian. Also, I feel it would anger my parents (who I haven't come out to yet). So, I feel your pain.
     
  4. sage13

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    Thanks, I don't think I will tell her yet. Even though she is mature for her age, it would then be two of us hiding something from our parents and I don't want any more hiding than already exists. I think I'll wait a bit before telling her or at least I tell my friends.
     
  5. piratealisonnn

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    The first person I told was my sister, who is 14. My parents still don't know, and she won't be the one to tell them.

    The difference is in my sister's maturity level and yours. Mine has friends who are gay soo I know she can handle it.
     
  6. suninthesky

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    I have come out to my younger sibling that's 17, and I'm 19. I worry because I don't want her to have to go through keeping it from my parents. I am going to come out to my parents in about 3 weeks when I got home for a couple week break for the summer. I wish I could hear a siblings experiences with it keeping it from parents. I don't want her to go through any havoc on my part.
     
  7. alex408

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    Sage13,

    I agree with the majority of the replies to your post. A couple of things i'd like to add.

    First,
    Coming out is a Rite of Passage and should be celebrated! It says many great things about you as an individual who is that much more closer to becoming a whole person (a woman [in other words]). If you can imagine growing up as levels and stages of acheivements that you accomplish. This is how it involves your parents. It tells your parents that they have done the best they could do in rasing you and your sisters. And this too should be celebrated. Your parents love you unconditionally because you love them unconditionally.

    Second and Final thing,
    Your question was: Is it too much to ask of my sister not to tell my parents or brothers about my sexuality if I come out to her?

    My response is: Come out to your sister for whatever reason you want. But don't ask her to censor herself. From reading what you've posted your sister seems like a mature person and somebody who you could tell and would certainly bring you closer together. I would say TELL her if you are willing to let her off of the line for telling somebody else! If you trust her enough to tell her you are Bi or Lesbian then you should trust her judgement in who she might tell in the future. That is a price (small if you ask me) we might have to pay. But I think you coming out has more pros than cons.

    You have every reason to feel hopeful that you will have a positive outcome. I will congratulate you and your family when you have come back here and posted that you have come out.

    -Alex
     
  8. eatsleepclimb

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    One of my sisters probably knows, because I think she heard my parents talking about it. But I don't think there is a reason to tell my other sister, who is in 2nd grade.
    If it would help your sister I would recommend it though!