I really don't know how to start. I've been dating this guy around three months, I know it isn't long but I think I'm in love with him and I don't want to lose him. It's kind of a long and complicated story. He's older than me, I mean much older than me. He's 45 and I'm 21. I never thought the age gap was an issue. He looks younger than he really is and he is very youthful and spontaneous. I never get bored when I'm with him. Everything was going perfect, we went out together, we laughed, we kiss, we had really good sex, we were falling more and more in love. We were a lovely gay couple living an idyllic love story in a very gay-friendly Mexico City. But he doesn't live exactly in Mexico City, he lives in a small town close to the city and it's a very small and conservative place. But the worst part is that he lives with his mother who also controls all aspects of his life, even his money. He doesn't earn much but he has a job. One night, it was very late and he took me to his place. It seems some neighbors saw us together and told his mother and sister. She went crazy and now he's like grounded and that sucks cause he's 45. WTF! I love him bad but now I think he's too childish. I told him he should confront his mother and he went all mad with me, then he said he wanted to kill himself. I don't know what to do now. I want to be with him but his mother forbade him to be gay and he won't confront her.
I don't exactly understand how a 45 year olds mother grounds him? His mother sounds extremely controlling, homophobic, and all around selfish. What does he say about it all? Does it bother him that his mother "grounded him"? That she is not willing to let him be happy? Does he have any plans on trying, or working toward maybe getting out from under her control? Or does he just act like its all ok?
He just got very angry when I asked him. But no, he doesn't seem to be willing to do anything. He studied art in college and now he's a school teacher, so he's poor. I think he's afraid that his mother will kick him out. I'm still in college and still depend of my parents so I can't help him either.
Hey Respectfully your boyfriend needs to man up a bit. I mean this in the best possible way but he is a 45 year old man, I know its sad he lives with his mother . His mother has no right to control him like that, I am 22 and I frequently tell my parents that I love them but its my life and I want to live it the way I feel right. She is selfish, probably homophobic and deluded to try and control her 45 year old son like that. Its not a healthy relationship. His mother has no right what so ever to control his money! I am 22 and I remember my Mum tried and I told her to back off since its my money to look after lol. Best bet would be to tell your boyfriend that you are there for him. Could he not try and move out, it will do him the world of good, It feels awesome to be no longer dependent on your parents, I am sure he will feel the same way
Hola, "Danestonfreak" My late father was from Mexico, and I was born there (but came to Canada after a divorce 2 years later). I do know that family ties are extremely strong and that, for some more traditional families certain rights are just assumed, like controlling your kids until your dying day. I also had a Mexican stepfather (complicated story), after he died in a car accident his family simply come to his house, literally the next day, and took everything he owned (my mother was separated from him at the time and we were back in Canada). It was simply assumed that "what's yours is mine"... P.S. I had no idea that Mexico City, the city of my birth, was so gay-friendly!
Yes! I thought the same when I read that he was "grounded" even though he is a 45 year old adult. He does need to stand up for himself, but I understand it's difficult hence his negative reaction. And I also never pictured Mexico City being gay friendly. Good to know!
I assume we are talking about more than just a little money? His mother's money allows him a lifestyle he cannot afford on his own? If he has been presented with a choice between what his mother offers and what you offer and he chose mommy, it appears you are the winner learning this. I know it is no comfort to you now but you are better off learning this early on. Next his mother says "marry a girl" and he obeys, then "give me grandchildren" and he obeys. You cannot imagine the suffering he will endure in the years to come. You have been spared that. I am sorry for you. I understand your emotions and nothing can make them better at this moment. It is a learning experience. This is not about his village, how conservative it is, it is not even about his mother; it is all about him being revealed to you. There are guys here from countries where gay means death and they stay together. That is true love.
