Hello, I joined this forum as I have needed to get a few things off my chest for sometime whilst also seeking advice from people that have undergone similar experiences. I have battled with my sexuality for sometime and as I nearly approach 18, I have finally accepted that I am gay. I take pleasure out of seeing attractive guys, I know my 'type' and looking back, realised I was gay for as long as I can remember.. but I'm not 'out'. Many people have speculated that I have been gay throughout my life, which I have taken offence. Yet my real dilemma lies with the fact I am currently in a long-standing relationship with a girl who I love dearly, but it's for the wrong reasons to be dating her. I feel awful that I have lied for such a long time, and don't want my sexuality to be the cause of the break-up... I would like to tell her after we have spent sometime apart as I am concerned what her reaction will be. I know that once I am 'out' (I don't feel ready, just yet) everything will be fine as I'm sure it will not surprise people I know. It's just this 'issue' that's holding me back... Thanks in advance for the advice.
Hey! Can you elaborate more on what you mean by "wrong reasons"? Do you just mean that you are gay and not straight and thats the "reason"? I'm not saying you should be with her, you are probably are right about being gay. I just want to know if there is something that you were just being indirect about.
If you are gay and love her. end it. You can either tell her or not. She may already know and could end up being your biggest ally. Conversely it could go horribly wrong...You will hurt her. It will suck. there will be tears and she will be embarrassed and ashamed of giving herself to you in a way you could never reciprocate. Don't kid yourself, your sexuality is the reason for your break up. It is an uncomfortable truth that you need to face. Whether or not you share that with her depends on your comfort with coming out. But end it. now. You know, you could just dump her. People do it all the time. Just break up with her, "its me, not you" would be honest and suffice. Yes, it is a crappy way to do it, but perpetuation a lie is equally crappy. So the real question is: do you respect her and trust her enough with the truth.
I had to do the same thing. I was dating a girl, and I found out that I was gay, and broke up with her. She hated me for a long time, but now she's my best friend. But now I'm confused again. Anyway, I know your situation, so good luck, man.
Hi! The "wrong reasons" is the fact that I love her as a friend. Her personality is just wonderful, and if I lost her as a friend I would be mortified. It's just I don't fancy her. However, guys on the other hand are a little bit different. ---------- Post added 9th Apr 2013 at 01:44 AM ---------- Thanks a lot! It's nice to hear that you have managed to build bridges with her again. I'm hoping this is something that I can replicate with my girlfriend once I announce my sexuality... It's just having the balls to do so. Right now, I don't feel like I can as I love her as a person- not for looks. Anyway, thanks for the advice.
