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Coming Out Advice A supportive place to ask for and give advice about coming out. Includes a sub-forum for posting stories about your coming out experiences.

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Old 10th Apr 2013, 12:10 PM   #1
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Default I want to talk, but not sure how to start the conversation...

Ok, so I quite sure I am lesbian (very sure I'm not straight) and think it's time to peek out of the cupboard.
Where (or with who) do I start? Definitely not my parents - my mom is ill and I want to talk to them when everything is a bit calmer.
I am head over heals in love with my best friend and I'm pretty sure she's straight, still way too scared too mess up a really good friendship. (I'll try to get over my crush before telling her)
I tried telling this one friend this afternoon, but chickened out at the last moment... (she has a lesbian aunt so I think she'll be accepting) But: What do I say? We have shared a bed at sleep overs, will it be awkward to come out?
I am terrified of what might happen... perhaps I should wait till next year, varsity, new town, new people? Maybe if I am this scared of coming out I am not yet comfortable with my identity and should first work on that?
Thanks for reading! I would appreciate any help/thoughts.
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Old 10th Apr 2013, 12:59 PM   #2
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Default Re: I want to talk, but not sure how to start the conversation...

Definitely start by finding the right person to come out to, for me it was the person I could talk to about anything, and who I could trust the most.

Also another thing that helped me was that I didn't talk about it... at first. I wrote a letter, which made it so much easier to explain everything. Plus it gave us more time to think about it.
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Old 10th Apr 2013, 01:10 PM   #3
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Default Re: I want to talk, but not sure how to start the conversation...

I agree with Rexmond about finding the right person to come out to but remember there is no rush if you are not yet ready or completely sure who you are. I came out to my friend and I figured she would be accepting because she has bisexual friends. She was totally fine with it and there was no awkwardness even though we had shared a bed at sleepovers. I think that if someone values your friendship then they will accept you and move on. Good luck with whatever you decide to do
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Old 10th Apr 2013, 01:55 PM   #4
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Default Re: I want to talk, but not sure how to start the conversation...

I agree with the others you will know when the time is right. It's when the desire for someone to know overtakes the fear of telling someone. I also think it can often help to write out what you want to say as a reference or to give them to read. I don't think I would have been able to come out without writing it to the first few people. If you really want to say it face to face then it can help to tell them before you are with them that there is something you want to talk to them about that way opportunities are more likely to pop up in conversation.
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Old 10th Apr 2013, 02:30 PM   #5
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Default Re: I want to talk, but not sure how to start the conversation...

First of all...LOVE your sig. That is my absolute favorite painting.
Second of all...that's kind of what EC is for! Talk to people, look at posts, see what others have figured out. It really does help! After I spent a couple months talking on here, I branched out to LGBT groups (found through meetup.com) and it is awesome to ask questions and have some people in the same boat as you. You're still really young, so take advantage and explore! I know it can be difficult and confusing, but you should really look at it as exciting because you may finally be able to figure out who you really are and what you really want!! I went through the same questions and the whole being in love with my best friend thing, and I learned a lot from it all. It's all about experiencing life and just figuring out what YOU want. The rest comes into place. Best of luck to you and message me any time!
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Old 11th Apr 2013, 05:31 AM   #6
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Default Re: I want to talk, but not sure how to start the conversation...

Thanks a million for all your replies!! It rely helps opening my mind up too options and getting a bit of perspective...
I've tried drafts of letters, but I really want to look my friends in the eye when I come out! Perhaps I'll go for making a few notes before hand...
Quote:
Originally Posted by silverhalo
It's when the desire for someone to know overtakes the fear of telling someone.
I think I'm there, silverhalo...
Think I'll try and meet up with this friend (not the one I have a crush on - your right Rexmond - I should find the right person, someone who would be supportive and not worry about my possible feelings for her)
I am starting to feel excited about it, still extremely nervous, but excited
If all goes well (and my courage holds up ) she'll know before the end of next week. (won't be seeing her before then and don't want to do it texting or something like that)
(PS. Thanks FallenAngel, VvG is one of my all time heroes, for being so far ahead of his time and the work he has done in spite of his suffering and how he tried to help the poor)
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Old 11th Apr 2013, 06:36 AM   #7
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Default Re: I want to talk, but not sure how to start the conversation...

Know that if it is a really good friendship it won't matter.
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Old 12th Apr 2013, 07:55 AM   #8
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Default Re: I want to talk, but not sure how to start the conversation...

I did it! My first time telling someone I know...
I told one friend, (the one with the lesbian aunt) she was totally cool with it! She asked me for how long I’ve know and she said that she did not expect it at all, but can kind of see it now that she knows.
Also she asked if I was planning on telling another friend. I said: “Yes, eventually, why?” (because she was asking about this girl I have a crush on, I thought she might have worked it out) turns out that this friend thinks homosexuality is wrong...
At least now I know and I can (try to) get over her and figure out a way to tell her one day without ruining our friendship. Her friendship is way too important to me to let this ruin it; hopefully she feels the same and can accept me. (I think I’ll leave out the “you’re beautiful, I think about you all the time-part” though )
Any advice? I know I should take it very slow, letting it slip that I really don’t see anything wrong with loving whoever you want etc. (I suspect her objections are of a religious nature, but not sure)
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Old 12th Apr 2013, 12:36 PM   #9
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Default Re: I want to talk, but not sure how to start the conversation...

Your crush on this friend might pass! I haven't told anyone I'm gay yet, and had a crush on one of my best friends for a few years. It has passed though for some reason, and I feel that when I tell the group of friends this friend is a part of, it will be easier now.
But I guess this differs per person, because we are all different! Just trust what you think is right, and you will know when the right time is there. That sounds totally vague, and is, but you know yourself and your friend best!

Good luck!
PS: I'm from the Netherlands, so whoohoo for van Gogh!
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