Drifting Away...

Actually, this sort of thing is REALLY common.

When you're in high school, you're all forced to go into the same building every day. You end up near the same folks on an ongoing basis. You see the same people, and so you tend to interact more. It's a lot easier to meet folks and make friends during high school, simply because you're all placed into the same spot.

Once school ends, you no longer see them daily. Or weekly. Or monthly. You might run into them at the store, or on the street, but it's a chance encounter. Suddenly, the onus on keeping the relationship going falls on the participants. It's up to you and your friends/semi-friends to keep the relationship alive.

And, as your finding, some people aren't doing it. Either they're not aware that they need to, or they just aren't interested in putting in the effort. I don't think it has anything to do with you personally - they're probably just focusing on the one (or two) friendships, and letting everybody else fall by the wayside. It sucks, but there it is.

So what can you do? A few things. Actively pursue the ones you think are worth salvaging. Don't just send a shout-on on myspace. Call. Stop by. See if they wantto do something. Don't be vague - "you wanna do something sometime?". Pick an activity you think they'll like, and make a plan. "How about we go bowling Saturday?" "Let's go see the Screaming Cheese concert at the end of the month, maybe have dinner first."

Secondly, respond to those that respond to you. They're taking the steps that others aren't. Let them know how much you appreciate that.

Thirdly, keep working on getting a job. It doesn't have to be full-time, or something you want to do for the rest of your life (or even the rest of the summer). Something to work at, something to add to your resume. Because nothing looks better to employers than employment. If you still can't find anything, look into volunteer work. Don't look to your friends to fill your days - fill them yourself.

Lex

 

I have found the same sort of thing happens when changing jobs. We all promise to keep in touch but it really doesn't happen. We do, sort of, for a while, but it usually fizzles out within a few months.

A lot of our real-life friends are from work, school, college etc. The two guys I work with I regard as good friends. One guy I worked with in my previous job I also regarded as a good friend but we drifted apart within a few months.

So don't feel too bad about drifting away from school friends now you are away from school. It is not unusual, and it is not just you. It's just life, unfortunately.

If you can't get a paid job yet, what about voluntary work? Charities and voluntary groups always need more people. If you can find something you enjoy it's good for your self-esteem and outlook, good for getting a reference for a job, and good for making friends.

 

(*hug*)

I'm sorry to hear that. I can sorta relate, this girl who was my best friend years and years ago drifted away from me.

There's nothing really that I can say other than what's already been said, so listen to the above 2 posters, and I hope things get better for you.

 

I haven't really much advice, except to recommend what the above posters have already said, and to say that I too have experienced a similar drifting of friends whenever moving/leaving school and university. There is one friend, for instance, who although was my best friend throughout university, I haven't actually seen since graduation day some years ago, although we talk on the phone/email every 6 months. It seems as though as soon as we were taken out of the similar setting, we no longer functioned as best friends. Instead, those we both spoke to every day were those we worked with, and lived with. I experienced this when leaving school, too - usually I only take one or two friends with me, if you know what I mean.

This isn't to say that you shouldn't feel upset that you feel you're losing contact with friends, but it is to say that it is usual, and that it's very unlikely to be personal, because of you. In fact, it may be that some of your friends feel the same way. Once you leave school everyone gets different timetables and priorities, and you actually have to work at meeting each other. So I think that you just have to try and pursue it, and try and get people's emails and numbers, even though you say you don't like phoning people. And, as has been said, work is also a great way to meet people. But I hope that you manage to re-establish contact with at least some of them. But whatever you do, don't try and take it too personally, as it's happened to most of us at some point. But good luck!