Hi All, I have a problem. I'm lacking so much confidence it's ridiculous and no matter how much I try to convince myself to be confident, it doesn't work. The thing is, I don't have a problem attracting men, they give me plenty of attention and although it's flattering, it's not the attention I want. I feel like, maybe I'm not confident in myself at all, because I'm not comfortable with the fact that I'm gay. Back in November I told one friend that I was attracted to females and for a short time afterward I was confident. Because I acknowledged and accepted myself completely. Even though I told my friend the truth about myself, I still wasn't ready to tell anyone else. I went back in the closet and for the past five months I've been living the "normal", straight life. But, I feel like it's catching up to me. Lately, I've been a hermit and hiding out in my house because I don't know if I want to settle down with a man so I'm not alone or if I want to come out to everyone and be judged. I've been feeling like, hiding in my house is a more attractive option than either of those! Lol. Where do I start? How do I become a happy person? Who's just in love with life and wants to share my joy with everyone? Is that life available to me? Does anyone have advise for my crazy ass? Thank you!
Welcome to EC! In a generic way, people judge. People judge you by what you are, what you do, what you look like, what you say, what you wear, what you drive. But in nearly every case, it's no big deal. I'm sure some people I run into on a daily basis have an issue with something about me - maybe they think I'm too fat, too old, too weird-looking, too something else. Maybe it happens with every other person I pass by. The thing is - I don't give a rat's ass. Why? Because I'm living the life I want to lead. I'm the Lex that makes me happy, not the Lex that hopefully makes people/society happy. But here's the bonus - people seem to pick up on that. They sense my inner happiness, and they find THAT attractive. They might not know why I wear the T-shirts with the weird cartoon characters on them, but they see me living a kick ass life, and they find me interesting and appealing because of THAT. First and foremost, do NOT settle down with a guy to avoid being alone. It's not fair to yourself, and it's certainly not fair to the guy. Imagine going the other way - "I'm with you because it beats being alone". In short, all you have to offer that person is a warm body and a heartbeat. How special. If you have to be by yourself for a while, that's fine. But maybe we can help you start not just accepting but embracing your sexuality. Because once you start believing that you kick ass, others will follow. Lex
Well... Lex took lots of my words and spurted them out himself (paraphrased, naturally). I'll second everything that Lex has said, but also... Is there a reason you don't want to come out to others? Is the town / city you live in homophobic? It doesn't sound like you're in physical danger... I'm guessing that the city you live in also isn't that homophobic (I could be wrong). The truth is that if you want to settle down with someone, it should be because you like the person and they like you, not because you don't want to be alone. It'd be akin to me buying an apple, even though I don't like apples, just because there were no oranges to buy. Reading what others have gone through and are going through may be able to help you begin to accept yourself more fully. You may find that some posts or threads or people resonate with you greatly... and you might be able to find some clarity in yourself as a result. As for how to become a happy person in general... Accepting yourself is a great big step that'll help you in many ways. Of course, that life is available to you, and most, if not all, people. You definitely don't need to coop up in your house. Going out for walks, or window shopping, or sitting at a coffee shop (You don't even have to order anything at Starbucks; apparently many Starbucks places have many customers who go there and just sit and work / relax), or anything can also help. Do things that you enjoy. Treat yourself. Reconnect with new and old friends. Do things that will brighten your day and make you look forward to the next. Don't just look at the silver lining, but instead look at the bright side (there's a difference). All these little things and mindset shifts can help greatly. Hopefully this helped you at least a bit. Good luck, and we'll be here for you if you need us =)
Wow you know how to use words in a very coherent way, unlike me who can't explain my feelings in a straightforward way. Anyway my advice is to find an activity that your good at and enjoy to help build your self confidence then come out to someone you trust in order feel better.
I'm so jealous of you! I would love to just be myself and have no fear of what people think of me. The thing I realized after reading my post again and all of your responses, is that hiding in my house won't accomplish anything. I need to get out and start taking chances. Until I grow enough balls to show people myself, completely, without fear. Thanks for making me feel so welcome ... and normal! ---------- Post added 11th Apr 2013 at 02:14 PM ---------- My town is pretty small, but they aren't super homophobic. I'm more afraid of letting my family down, a lot of them are homophobic or super religious. Also, I don't want my friends to think I'm a liar. They've only known me as straight, I don't want them to think I'm deceiving them. If that makes sense. Bottom line, I care way to much about what other people think. I was raised that way ... now I just need to train myself out of it. Lol! I'm starting today though and your post has helped me big time! Thank you!
It's not that you need train itself not to care about opinions but to ignore snide remarks and I can relate with you about your family because I haven't come out about wanting to become female even though I'm male.
