So I have known that I am more attracted to girls than guys for quite a while, but was never able to accept it until very recently. I went to listen to a speaker about his experience coming out and living as a gay person and it actually really helped me finally accept myself as gay. However, I'm afraid to come out because I'm afraid I won't be accepted as gay; not that I won't be accepted because I'm gay, but that I won't be accepted as gay. Everyone around me thinks I am straight. I am currently dating a girl (the first girl I've ever been with), but people either think I'm just experimenting with a phase in my life or that she is the "exception to the rule." I guess a lot of people know girls who dated one girl and then went back to guys. The thing is, I can't ever go back to guys. Dating a girl really helped me gain the final realization that I'm gay, which is what it should do, I guess. My problem is that I don't know how to come out. People have put me in this role of "straight girl dating a girl" and I don't want to play that role for them anymore. I'm afraid that people won't take me seriously and think I'm only saying it to make my dating a girl be more explanatory and less complicated. I'm especially afraid that my girlfriend will be upset that I've kept this from her. I'm not sure if this makes complete sense or what I'm even looking for by posting it. I guess just advice on what I should do or say.
I'm confused... which bit have you kept from your girlfriend? The short answer is that I don't really know what you should do, having never been in this situation. But I would say maybe just keep dating her, and come out if you feel you want to in order for people to accept you as gay instead of just a girl dating another girl. At first maybe they won't believe you, but as long as one of the following situations happens then you should probably be fine. Either: -your relationship with this girl becomes serious and committed (unless it already is, I don't know what stage this relationship is at) -eventually maybe you'll break up with this girl, but not start dating guys I guess all you can really do is give it time. If you don't think it will harm you to come out then I would advise trying to do that and if people don't believe you at first, just wait for everything to take its course. I'm not sure there is really any one thing you can do to change this situation, but as long as you think the people in your life will still be in your life if you come out, I would say go for it. I hope this helped in some way
I have a friend who's bisexual and people question her sexual identity all the time. I really admire the way she responds to them; she's very graceful about it. Them: You're not bisexual! Her: I'm pretty sure I am, actually. Them: You've never dated a girl. Her: You're right, I haven't. I'm still bisexual. Them: You're just going through a phase. Her: No, I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual. She's totally calm when she does this, she doesn't raise her voice or get defensive, she just states the facts. A lot of us get the "You're not really x because y" speech. There's not a lot you can do but assert the truth and keep going. It's wrong and unfair and the people who do it are rude, and I'm sorry you have to put up with it.
Here's the thing about other people: they don't know how you truly feel. Just because someone says that you're not gay because they don't think you are doesn't mean they're right. You and you alone are the only one who's able to decide if you are gay or not. It's ok to question yourself but don't question yourself because other people are questioning you, question yourself because you haven't completely discovered what (who) you like. P.S. I just realised I'm the first guy to comment on this post but I think my advice is pretty gender-neutral so I hope it comforts you a little bit.
