I've literally just begun to unmask bisexual tendencies that I've been hiding deep within myself for awhile now. I'm still very confused, and I was hoping that discussing it with some people who may have been through it previously might assist me in understanding things better. I am definitely very interested in women; everything from their physique to the feminine attributes they portray I find very erotic. I have dated and had sex with many women in my past, and never regretted or not enjoyed a single occurance. Recently, however, I've begun questioning my own interest in men. I do find emotional stimulation and attraction with some men, but basically with people I can connect with deeply and can develop strong friendships with. I never really considered these feelings more than deep friendship but I think this may be my ownself avoiding homosexual thoughts. When it comes to physical attraction, I do find myself from time to time fantasizing about other men's penises. On numerous occasions I have fantasized about s***ing another man's c***, or jerking another man off. But my interest in men just about ends with the penis, I have almost no other physical attraction to men. I am slightly repulsed by the idea of kissing another man, have no interest in anal sex, and don't really find the male physique to be like "eye candy" like I do with women (although I won't lie I like both men and womens butts!). I'm not sure if this repulsion may be my conditioned homophobic self convincing me that kissing another man and finding him attractive is wrong or if I truely have no interest in it. I have had gay experiences in my past, but when I was much younger. The first sexual experience that I can recall was with another boy, and I have NEVER told anyone about this. Interestingly, and I'm very embarassed to admit this, that boy is now a homosexual man. I'd say I was probably about 4 years old at the time. When I was probably about 9 years old, I had more gay experiences with a cousin of mine, although we never speak of this now and he is (as far as I know) straight and has a serious girlfriend. This summer I was doing some experimently with illegal drugs, and tried candyflipping (LSD and ecstasy). During my trip I began fearing that I was a homosexual, and immediately began worrying that I couldnt keep that secret and I had a terrible trip for the rest of the night. I have found hallucinogens and the associated ego loss to be very beneficial with reflecting upon oneself and I just recently was considering maybe that was my subconscious trying to come out to my conscious self. I feel as though these sexual experiences at a young age may have opened my mind to homosexuality, and I don't mean this in any sort of negative way. Like I said I have previously had gay thoughts before, but I've hidden them within myself and never really reflected upon them. I don't know if my fantasys are something I really even want to pursue and I don't know really where to go from here to begin finding more of who I may actually be. I was hoping someone may be able to help me find my actual self and discover if I really am bisexual, or just fantasize this concept of being bicurious.
Most people, to some degree, are bisexual. It is up to each person to determine their interest in pursuing one gender over the other, or to pursue both genders. It is also perfectly normal for adolescents to experiment with others. Your past experiments are not indicative of your sexuality. You are the final arbitrator of your sexuality. We each own our label. Though others may attempt to classify you as one sexuality over others, in the end your sexuality is only determined by the label you select. If you are currently unattached and are interested in pursuing a male, even if to only determine your interest level, I suggest that you go for it. If you don't want to pursue these thoughts then don't. You do not have to rush out and have sex with anyone just to prove a point.
It almost sounds like a case of "gay sex, hetero love" to quote someone's orientation on the forums. Can you see yourself in a relationship with another man? Maybe you should date one, and see what it does for you. If you can't connect with him emotionally, maybe the aforementioned quote is true for you.
I used to THINK I was bi..but i found out that im not...that was when i was still having "acceptance issues" of myself...and i found out it was just me wanting to be "normal"...so..ya...but i mean...for me...nobody could have helped me..well..maybe somebody could..but...i think it was more of me trying to understand myself than anything else...
It's not unusual for boys to experiment with other boys. Children are curious. Most of these boys grow up to identify as heterosexual. I wouldn't attribute your childhood experimentation with what you are feeling. Nor should you believe that everyone else is 100% straight or 100% gay: study after study indicates that most people have a varying degree of attractions to both genders, even if they don't perceive the feelings to be sexual or even if they chose never to act upon them. So, if you remove the stigma of childhood exploration and you remove the idea that your bicuriosity is unusual or abnormal, you're still left with the question or whether you're ready to act upon those feelings and fantasies. That's a question that only you can answer.
Firstly, welcome to EC. As has been said, most young boys and adolescents will experiment with each other. This does not turn you gay. The prevalent school of thought is that you are born with your sexuality. A lot of bisexuals get the tendency to "go for" both sexes later in life. Also, one can swing from hetero to bi to gay. There rarely seems to be a long-standing phase. If your circumstances allow you to "give it a go", do so. It's the quickest way to find out whether what you're experiencing is either a fantasy or your final destiny. You could be wondering for ever unless you take steps to find out. Then the replies to your questions should be there. Ultimately, you could be bisexual. How you embrace that is up to you but beware of getting into a long-term relationship with a girl but wanting gay sex too. That scenario is full of problems. Have a think of what's been said here and keep asking questions. There are a few members who have been where you are and I'm sure they can offer good advice. Good luck.
As stated above - only you can answer your question in the end. However, I also agree that you'll need to remove any 'stigma' that you might attach to being gay to really allow yourself to answer honestly. If you're fantasizing about sex with men, and can find their butts attractive, then there is likely something there. To what extent, it's hard to tell. Some people have no idea that they enjoy kissing another man until they try it. Some people have no intentions of 'bottoming' for anal sex, but find that they absolutely LOVE it! But you don't need to decide on any of this right away. You've at least opened the door to the possibilities. Good for you! And welcome to EC! This is certainly the rite place for you to figure all of this out!
Hey there - welcome to EC! You don't give much indication as to how old your are, although tone and content hints that you're probably at least in your mid-20s. And although you discuss your (long past) sexual encounters with other boys, you don't mention anything more current. I'm assuming you've just been living as straight. Dating women, having relationships, all that. No major problems there? Never been in bed with a woman, and kept wishing it was a guy? If not, it's possible that you're enjoying a bit of fantasy. All of us enjoy fantasizing about things - sexual and otherwise - that we would just as soon not do in real life. In fantasy, you get all the positives without any of the negatives. You know: all pleasure, no pain, everyone wants to do precisely what you do, they all finish when you do, and once you do, everybody vanishes. Fantasizing about a gay encounter, or a threeway, or an orgy, or a group of aliens in a wading pool full of olive oil doesn't mean that that's what you should be doing. It can just be a bit of spice - a fun fantasy to make things more exciting. Certainly nothing wrong with that. There's only an issue when the fantasy seriously invades reality. When you fantasize about the same thing for months and months, and it's the only thing that gets you excited. At that point, there may in fact be something there - your fantasy might be indicating your true "wiring". (Which may be problematic if it involves aliens and olive oil, but that's neither here no there.) You seem pretty self-aware about what's going on. You've been fantasizing a bit about guys. Could that mean something? Possibly. I wouldn't necessarily rush out to find a guy just to "verify things", though. Instead, let things ride for a bit. Try to relax, and let the fantasies go where they may. Allow yourself to enjoy them, whatever they might entail. Given a bit of time, I think you'll get a clearer view of what it is you'd really like. Lex
First off, I'd like to thank everyone who has replied. I really appreciate all your support, and I feel like I've come to the right place! I guess I'm not really surprised to hear that little boys have a tendency to experiment with one another, and that many of them turn out to indeed by heterosexual later in life. Funny how these things seem to be avoided being talked about by the general public and kept dark uncomfortable secrets by what I'd assume to be many men. Maybe I'm just not looking in the right places... I find it very difficult to remove all the stigmas associated with being gay. I've grown up (I'm sure as all/most of you very well know!) in a society where openness and gaiety is ostracized, and even hated and humiliated. Of the people that I normally hang out with, most of my friends enjoy ridiculing each other (all in good fun, usually), but my use hateful terms like calling each other fags and homos. Ever seen that movie "Waiting" with the penis showing game and once you get the guy to look you're supposed to ridicule him for being a fag and kick him in the ass? Thats actually a pretty realistic illustration of what it is like, all in good fun but still hateful! Despite the fact that I myself have used these terms, I wanted to make sure that you guys understand that I have no problem with the lifestyle and I would absolutely not be uncomfortable with having gay or bisexual friends. But I think in my life right now, if I began to experiment and my friends found out it would really put me through a lot of hardship and stress. It's not that I think most of them would discontinue their friendship (although some I think certainly would!), but it would take them awhile to even to come to terms with it, even though there would not be a single one of them I'd ever want to fantasize about. It is entirely unfair that (of course) these same people who would be repulsed by male curiosity, obsess about female bisexuality and enjoy lesbian porn, what a bullshit double standard! Anyway, with these stigma's I've grown up with and live around, sure it makes it difficult to imagine any sort of true male encounter, I've been conditioned to feel that it is wrong! I'm not really sure if I'm ready to experiment, for a period of time last night after I sent this message I felt like I was being dumb and jumping into experimenting with a lifestyle just because I felt something. I won't lie I'm lonely right now, and I'm sure that anything that will give me strong emotions I'm likely to gravitate toward. But I also can't just discard those fantasies and I really think that the regret may just be because I'm still coming to terms with these feelings and trying to remove the stigmas associated with male-to-male contact. Actually, when I think about it, the regret over posting really came when I was hanging with some of my friends. However, I do feel comfortable here and obviously I don't have to worry about being judged for any of these thoughts, plus the anonymity of the internet makes you feel free to really explore these feelings. Anyway, if and when I decide to experiment, I really don't know where to look and how to go about things while still keeping it secret. This summer I'm going to be going to Europe by myself as part of a study abroad program, so perhaps this would be the best time to explore these feelings. I can comfortably say that I'm certainly not a confused homosexual, like I said I do honestly love women and thats indeed the only place that I can (currently anyway) see myself in a long-term relationship. I don't think my bi-curiosity would ever propose a threat to any relationship I'd have or that I'd need to have gay sex to feel satisfied within one, I don't think of men when I'm with women. Maybe I'm just some hedonistic bastard who searches for sexual experiences everywhere I can. I'd probably say that I suffer from satyriasis, but I'm sure that term is thrown around and I can't say that I've ever taken my strong sexual urges to an extreme (such as rape), but I have been very pushy and sexual in past relationships. By the way, to give you all a better idea of who I am, I am a 22 year old male from the US (midwest region), and I'm currently working on my bachelors in college. As for any sort of recent male encounter, I've had virtually none except when I was a freshmen I kissed/pecked another guy (who I actually would love to experiment with if thats the path I decided to take) to get two girls to kiss in some sort drinking game. I've considered that this old friend may have been bi-curious himself (sometimes there were these strange awkward moments between us, and I'd seriously think he'd want to kiss me or something), but he has a very serious g/f now and I hardly see him anymore. Oh well, guess thats life. Anyway, sorry for such a long message, hopefully you guys can stand to read through it all and give me a reply! Once again, thanks for your help and support!
Well - again - there's no rush to do anything. So don't feel that you need to. Just hang around here. Because this was the first place I'd ever 'been' (I know - it's 'virtual', but still...) where I'd been able to interact with other gays and lesbians in an open, honest, supportive, friendly way. All other interactions had been cheap, sexual, and shallow. Not particularly positive. You're suffering from a similar pre-determined bias, that hopefully you can break by just 'hanging out' in here. Because the reality is, we're just people too! I'm an accountant with a university degree and a professional accounting designation. I love cars, hate to cook, have an ex wife and two beautiful daughters. I weigh a little too much, am the treasurer for my church, I have a great boyfriend, and my all time favourite group is ABBA. What's not to like? But it might take some time to feel comfortable. And your current batch of friends don't sound very 'open minded' if you ask me. Perhaps it's just about where you're raised, and what you've been exposed to. It's not them - but their surroundings. But it certainly doesn't make it easy on you! PM me any time you want to chat. Go at your own speed. 'Experiment' on your own terms. Know that there are amazing gay guys out there, and there are not-so-amazing gay guys out there - in roughly the same great / not-great proportions as the straight community! :icon_wink
Welcome to EC! I admire the guts you've had in writing these two posts, and in asking yourself some deep personal questions. As Jim said, there's no rush to do anything about your curiosities, perhaps a situation will arise where you might want to explore a relationship with another guy, just to satisfy your curiosity. There's nothing wrong with being open to it, but I wouldn't seek it out if you're not sure Even if these urges pass, try and stick around the site. I think it's good to have open minded straight people like yourself seeing what a loving community there is on this site. There's a lot of false ideas about the gay community that everyone grows up with, we're all just normal people.
I hope that I didn't give you guys the impression that I view gays as 'not normal people', cause that is definitely not the case. I have always been raised to be open-minded, and if I was bisexual and came out to my family they would be very supportive. You're right Jim, my friends are not very open-minded, but who's to blame? Themselves, or the society and religions that spoon feed them the beliefs that this is against 'Gods' intentions and is wrong? Sure they help keep these hateful feelings and beliefs alive, but I think they perpetuate these beliefs because of perhaps fears within their own selves, and the only way for them to overcome these thoughts are to explore their own personal thoughts and stop believing the crap that is being forced into their heads from religious fundamentalists. I don't think it would be fair for me to judge them for these beliefs. Wow, I digress, but I guess I just can get real angry that people are such sheep, I don't mean to offend anyone but I think religion is a major problem in our country. Anyway, I think its very important for people to do what they enjoy and what feels right for them. You all are probably right though, I should just hold off for now and wait till the situation or strong feelings arise, I don't think it is necessary to experiment since I'm just as content having relationships with solely females. But, as you say, its important to have an open mind and I will definitely hang around the site to explore these feelings and meet some wonderful people I am curious to hear more from others who decided that they are indeed bisexual, what their feelings and thoughts were towards both genders when they came to the realization, and how they explored these feelings.
If "our country" is the US, I would agree with you with some caveats. It's a mixed bag. If you look at the history of religion in the US over the past 300 years, it has moved back and forth between moderation and conservatism. If not for the churches in the US, we would probably still have slavery. The churches have pushed social justice and other "liberal" concepts in the past- like anti-poverty programs, voters rights programs and anti-segregation policies. It's Fundamentalism that is the problem. In the 1970s and 1980s, a few power-hungry members of denominations like the Southern Baptist Convention got into politics and they have succeeding in pushing their bigotry against women and gays onto the rest of us. It seems that they have forgotten their New Testament lessons and seem to have forgotten that Jesus' ministry was intended for all people- not just white heterosexual men. There's a forum dedicated to Bisexual Issues over on ###. You might read through some of the posts there too.
Sorry I got a little carried away when I said its a major problem, I really just mean in the respect of gay rights. Religion definitely has done many great things and it is a wonderful thing thing for many people. I am personally not religious but I do not mean to bring any religious discussion to this thread.
