Okay, well this is going to be long, so if you don't have time to read or you just can't be bothered then just don't, I just need to get this off my chest. Okay, so I have a friend (lets call her sheridan, for that is her name) and my other friend is Hannah. I'm also friends with matt, who is Sheridan's boyfriend. I have been madly deeply in love with Sheridan ever since I met her, without her knowing it, and she'll never know it cos she's straight. This makes it a lot more painful. I've known Sheridan for quite a while, since last year when I was the only year 9 in my maths class with her, and we've been friends ever since. I've been friends with Hannah for about 6-8 months and we're quite close, and I'm doing my deb (prom for americans) with Matt, because we were joking and then decided to go together for real, because at my school, they don't allow couples to go together in case you break up and it gets messy etc. So we're all a fairly close bunch, or so I thought. Me and Sheridan would always talk to each other about life and if she needed to talk to someone about a prob, she'd come to me and vice versa. Me and Hannah would just hang out cos we're both kinda shy, and Matt's good for a laugh. But they all knew that they could talk to me about anything. So it's about two weeks before the end of last term, and Sheridan and Hannah just start to shut me out, completely, without Matt knowing. Like, Hannah and I used to wait for each other every lunchtime and she just suddenly stopped. I'd walk up to them and say hi and they'd say hi back and then go on with their own conversation as if I wasn't there. Hannah started getting really angry with me over nothing and giving me these looks as if she wished I wasn't there. And I tried to ask what was wrong, and they both said nothing. Sheridan just ignored me and stopped sitting with me in Biology classes. So I think to myself, okay, I've done something, what have I done? And when I asked them, they were still saying nothing was wrong. So I think to myself, Okay, well, that's good then. Except they start to move around at lunch to avoid me and when I walk up to them they kind of look disappointed. So for like, the last week I was sitting with some other girls instead, because I really liked them, and they're nice. And I eventually got sick of it, because I don't like being shut out of something without being told why, so I texted Sheridan, because I just wanted to know what was going on. The convo went as follows. Me: Have I done something? S: wtf? Me: Have I done something? You haven't spoken to me in weeks, you give me these looks like you don't want me around. What have I done? S: U reely wanna kno? Me: Yep. S: U sure? Me: Yep. S: Ur annoyn as hell! ur manipulative, sooky, attention-seeking, u use ur probs to try get ppl feeln sorry 4 u, n wen u dn't get wat u want, u crack it! Me: Why didn't you tell me this earlier? I would have changed, but I've never known that I was doing all this manipulating so how could I know? I'm not mad, you knew I wouldn't be, why didn't you just tell me you thought I was like this? S: I'm not the only one feeln like this. Me: You still could have told me. S: Get stuffed. And its two days until school goes back. I feel so enormously hurt about all this. I have never ever tried to manipulate her or Hannah or Matt or anyone else. I've never tried to use my problems to get people to feel sorry for me. And I don't crack it when I don't get what I want, because life's like that, you don't always get what you want, so you have to get over it or find a way to get over it. But I do realise that sometime I may have come across as Attention-seeking, because sometimes we have a conversation, and something will pop into my head, and its relevant, but it just comes out all wrong and sounds stupid. And I don't know where she got sooky from because She's seen me cry a grand total of twice in the year and a half we've known each other. And both times were on absolutely shocking days when I got sent to the counsellors office because I was that distressed. I just don't know what to do. I really really want to talk to her about all this, but she's refused my calls, ignored my email (I only sent one. I wasn't going to bother again.) and I just feel really hurt that she didn't have the guts to tell me all that face to face. We're (were, I should say) best friends, and she knew she could have told me all of that in person and that I wouldn't have gotten mad. I don't get mad unless I'm talking to my dad because he is quite possibly the most infuriating person I know. I just texted her asking if we could talk at school and all she sent back was "Mm". What the hell does "Mm" mean? Is she going "hmm I'll think about it"? or "maybe" or "yeah sure" ? I have no idea but I really need to talk to her about all of this. What should I say? I have an idea, but I'm not really sure if it'll work. Whoever read all this gets 10 life points and 50 kudos points and a big thank you. I just needed to get it off my chest. Advice would be great though and earns you a block of virtual chocolate, courtesy of Lindt Chocolateirs.
imho, i personally dont think school would be the best place t have a conversation like that, though i understand that theres probably not much place else you can talk, considering shes blowing you off so much. If school IS the only place you can talk,try to catch her alone, and make sure that you're not agitated or upset, but go into it with a clear head, and talk things out. Tell her what you're feeling friendship wise, and allow her to do the same. that what i did when it came to friendship drama anyway. Good luck!
Hi Tess, your friend's reaction seems very agressive to me, putting all the blame on you, making you the big bad monster. We all of us have character faults and we accept these in our friends as we must accept their's so it rather makes me think that this agression is a defence mechanism for something that she has done or said concerning you. The fact that your friend doesn't even want to talk to you about it makes my case even stronger. Having said that it doesn't help you manage this situation. As I see it you have two solutions; either turn the page on this friendship... I don't think you want to, or go and see your friend at her house or after school and apologise for the things she is reproaching you, ask her for specifics (not in a confrontational way but in the aim to improve yourself and reduce a negative character trait) and tell her that in the future if you do something that displeases her that she should tell you, talk it through with you and you will do your best to avoid being like that around her in the future. Personally, and from the outside looking in I wouldn't bother. You are a lovely person, we have all seen here how caring and kind you are. Of course you have your problems, we all do, of course you seek attention from time to time, who doesn't! That is the whole point of having friends... so that you can help them and they can help you through the difficult times in your life. In a way your friend is saying that she only wants the laughing, smiling happy Tess and the rest you have to keep for yourself... not a very nice attitude for a friend but that is just my opinion. I hope I haven't upset you being so frank and don't forget this is just my opinion, you must do what feels right to you. Can I have that chocolate now? Lindt is my bestest most favorite chocolate in the whole wide world... I don't really touch anything else! Hope it all works out for you (*hug*)
*hands chocolate to Louise and MusicIsLife* See thing is, I still want to be friends with her, but Now this has happened, I know that our friendship can never go back to the way it was. We'll only be friends, not best friends like we were. I don't have a problem with you being frank, I asked for advice and you gave it, so, thanks I just, I dunno. I feel really really hurt by all this because I have done nothing to hurt her. I know that I'm going to the deb with her bf, but she's had plans to go to HER deb with someone other then her bf since last year, and I checked with her to make sure she was okay with it, and she was, so I really can't see what I've done. I don't bitch or backstab, I don't say nasty stuff as a joke, I don't do any of that kind of thing so I really can't see why she's suddenly told me that she's never liked me and that I was ruining HER holidays by asking for her to be honest. I'm not angry at her at all, cos I know I have character flaws, but so does she! She dumbs herself down so much when she's around guys, and then she can be a total bitch when something really gets to her, but she's my friend and we've been there for each other for fair while. She knows I would've taken those things in my stride if she'd told me face to face, but the fact is, she didn't. She didn't even have the guts to tell me to piss off face to face, she just hid behind her phone screen, which is what really gets me, cos it made me wonder, how much longer would she have lied to me about this? I hate being lied to more then anything, because when I trust people, I really truly trust them. I really trusted her, so this was like a huge slap in the face.
(*hug*) I'm sooo sorry you're going through that. I know it must be really hard to be in love with her and then to be completely slapped in the face. It's like the others said, you can either try and be friends again, or get over her. It might seem really tough, but in the end, life keeps moving forward and I'm sure one day you'll befriend people who will *really* be there for you, and won't get bugged at you for a few minor character flaws.
Wow. Get stuffed?!?!? That would possibly be the last time I talked to that person. No friend of mind would talk to me that way. But perhaps I'm taking it more seriously than I should. Would you talk to each other like that all the time? It sounds to me like your two friends are actually jealous. Tess - you're smart, funny, pretty, insightful, caring... need I go on?!?!? Just be casual with them. Indifferent. You don't need to apologize for anything. Have a great time with Matt and try to get over Sheridan. If you're hanging with a new group of nice people, stick with them. Friends will come and go with time. I have literally NOTHING to do with the people I was friends with in highschool. My best friends I met in universitiy. So don't get too bummed out over this. You're a wonderful person that deserves better - no question. I know - I'm a GREAT judge of character! :icon_bigg (*hug*)
Tess, Jim hit the nail on the head. Any friend that would say something like that to you isn't much of a friend in the first place. It's a painful lesson learned but realize you are better than that!
Phew.... what a friend. Obviously I don't know you in real life, but you don't seem like that at all. She hasn't given any evidence or explained her problems, and she's told you about them in the most immature way imaginable. And that whole thing with the ignoring you for weeks? That's just unnacceptable. If there was a serious problem with you she ought to have just told you, especially seeing as you used to best friends. Some people are just wankers, sadly. Or sometimes people go through phases of insanity when they behave like wankers despite having been good people previously. It's people like you who trust people who make the world go round and then get the flak from twits like that. I'm sorry (*hug*) You don't deserve it, and I can see how your trust feels betrayed. But just remember that you've done nothing wrong, the wrong is all on their side. Try not to let it prevent you trusting others again, because not everyone's like that. (*hug*) I just really wanna go and give her a talking to, because her behaviour was dreadful.
