Coming out message to my gay friend.

There was me and two of my close guy friends out clubbing on Saturday night and I was being hit on by loads of other guys and it just felt like the right time to blurt out to my close gay friend that I thought I was gay. I asked him not to make a big deal of it, although I didn't think he would, he asked me if I was sure and how long I'd felt like this? And I said I wasn't entirely sure but had felt like this for a couple of years now. He gave me a hug and texted me the next day after we had got home from the park with everyone else saying he loved me for whoever I was. I thought I would write him a message to explain, it feels like a big step in the right direction. What does everyone else think?

Hey,

To elaborate on what I mentioned the other day, writing in a message seems easier than saying it face to face.

I don’t really know where to start but without going into too much detail, I fell in love with my best friend while at university and I guess in the end, it didn’t turn out to be what either of us thought it was. It was all really messed up to be honest and I guess I used coming to China as a fresh start. I came away from the experience completely hurt and also confused about whether or not it meant I was gay or it simply meant that I had strong feelings for this one person. I wasn’t sure where I fell on the supposed spectrum and I guess you could say I still don’t. All I know is that I’ve never really felt the same spark with anyone else so I guess that perhaps suggests I’m gay. I guess initially amidst all my confusion and torment, I was searching for a label, somewhere to fit in which I’m sure you amongst many others have also felt at some point or another. But now I’ve realised and accepted that I don’t need to fall into a label and that love should just be because it is, rather than having to be clearly defined.

I know now that coming to China was a blessing for many reasons but one of the reasons was meeting someone like you. You are just a wonderful friend anyway with all our travelling adventures, drunken nights out and your general company but more than that, you are obviously comfortable in your own skin. I don’t know if you have always felt like this but you really inspire me for that. I asked you the other day whether you think it would be easier if you weren’t gay and you replied that you wouldn’t want to be anything else because then you wouldn’t be you. I think this is really great. I don’t think I’m at that stage yet because I still feel that life would be easier if I wasn’t gay because of irrational reasons caused by societal impressions such as the fact that I want children and I am also worried about what people might think. I say irrational because I don’t think there is anything wrong with gay couples having children and I also don’t think there is anything wrong with being gay, black, religious, vegan, etc etc. Everyone’s different but I know and worry that not everyone is nearly so liberal in their mind sets.

I feel strong enough to admit this to you now because I feel the happiest and most stable I’ve ever felt in a long time now. Mostly though it’s because I trust you and really value you as a friend. I’m still the same person and friend I’ve always been.

Also, I don’t really know where this message leaves me, I’m not going to go around telling anyone yet and if I eventually end up with a guy then whatever, like I said I think sexuality is fluid and I don’t really know where I fall yet.

Anyway I should probably stop before I start repeating myself anymore.

Love,
(my name) xxx