Sorry to bother anyone, I've never posted here. I don't know what to do anymore. I think I've realised and almost accepted myself that I am gay, but I am so petrified of everything that comes with it. I told my closest friend, still the only one who knows, and she didn't react the way I was hoping for: she didn't believe me at first, and then when I promised I wasn't lying, she replied with "no, this is the last thing I wanted to hear." I'm just so messed up, and hate myself so much at the moment. Its a lot worse than I anticipated, and it seems to be affecting me more than i ever thought it would, and I'm becoming scared not only of everyone else, but of myself too. I'd give anything just to be straight. I'm so sorry for wasting your time, if anyone reads this, but I don't know what else to do.
First of all, we're here for you - you are not alone. It's really sad that your 'closest friend' said she didn't want to hear what you had to tell her. I know it's cliché to say but at this point how 'true' of a friend is she? Don't hate yourself. There are plenty of (read: countless) people who will love you for who you are but you need to start loving yourself as well. I've struggled with my own sexuality for going on 8 years now. Over the past few months I've finally accepted myself and I'm starting to feel better. (Though I don't plan on coming out any time soon). I just joined this community a few days ago and love it already. Everyone is so kind, loving, and many of them have gone through the same situation you're in. I hope you'll stick around and make some friends! We're glad you're here.
I'm wondering if your friend said what she said because she likes you? But don't worry. Like funnylion said, you're not alone. The support here is amazing and can definitely help you! Focus on yourself and what is best for you!
Firstly don't worry your not wasting anyone time we all happy to answer you Sorry your friend reacted like that but remember that it people can't accept you for who you are that it's their problem not yours. It's ok to be gay and being straight sucks most my friends are straight and they seem to argue all the time with their girlfriends (it's actually quite entertaining to watch). Don't hate yourself, from your post you seem to be a nice person don't let other people tell you that there something wrong with "you". Being gay isn't a problem but a form of love
I will echo what Funnylion and Emily6267 said above, you were unlucky in that your first coming out turned out less than what you expected. Trust me, there will be better reactions. I find it helpful to take an adventurous position, as in: ok, I am gay...so what will I do with this information? Then ask yourself: What do I really know about what it means to be gay? What is it, exactly, that I'm afraid of? What do I still need to learn? Be very specific; from sex to relationships to politics, there is a ton of stuff to learn about being gay! I find that the more I know, the less definite I get about things. Ironic? Yes, but this also means that there is far less to worry about and much more to discover, both about yourself and about others! Take this discovery about yourself as something to cherish and to be proud of! It is who you are to your very core. That is what acceptance means.
You're not wasting anyone's time! We are all here for you. For me, it took me A LONG TIME to discover myself and who I am. It took years to come to terms that I could be gay. I was confused for a few months, but just a few weeks ago, I finally realized that I am gay. I lost a friend because of it. But people who actually cared, have stayed by me through it all. The first reaction you had, from what I read, didn't go swiftly. But that is OKAY! Other people will be WAY more accepting. There is a lot to learn about being gay! One major thing is not to be ashamed of it. And if you can, at this point, start to embrace it. Don't be afraid to post on here. We are all here for you
