After finally realizing I was a lesbian I reached out to a friend who's openly gay and told her. It felt nice to have someone to talk to, but I didn't feel relieved, I just got more upset. She advised me to seek counseling, because if was feeling depressed it could get so bad that therapy wouldn't be enough (i.e. require medication). So, I did it, went to a therapist and talked about it. The therapist was understanding, told me it was ok, that my sexuality was my own business and if people decided to walk away, then they didn't really care about me. But, I just kept crying the whole session, she asked what was wrong, if thought homosexuality was wrong. I don't. I just couldn't answer her question. But after mulling over it the reason that it upsets me it's that I still want the white picket fence with 2,4 children and the dog, with a MAN. I just can't seem to let it go. I never really been attracted to men, not the way I'm to women. But I just can let go this "dream".I know gay couples who have stable relationships just like my straight friends, so I know I can have it too. I just don't know how to feel. Is it silly? How do I accept it.
We all know that feel. When you grow up being told that you'll have a perfect little hetero family, it becomes your expectation, and your expectations can let you down. It is not silly at all. I don't really have anything to suggest about how it can heal, but know that lots of other people have experienced exactly this.
It's always entirely possible that you're bisexual! :3 I don't know how strong your attraction to chicks is, but you should probably just give it a bit of time. Sometimes people have relapses of denial about being completely homosexual, and part of that is because most of us have been raised in a strait environment where our goals were to find partners of the opposite gender- and I think that sounds like what you're thinking now. c; It's an image that's fairly universal and been imbedded into our heads since we were little ankle-biters, and I'm afraid only time will tell whether it's something that you really want or not. (Geez that makes me feel old. *hobbles in with cane and croaking away* 'Oh, it'll all happen in time~ Ow- meh spine..' xP) But my point is: You're definitely not alone on this. The same thing happens to me and I feel like I'm making a terrible mistake and- Oh hey that's a hothothothothothotchick .O. Well, that's how my mind deals with it anyway. xD It's different for everyone- so again, time and hormones will tell you what you really want. I think you might also be a bit lonely! .~. You obviously have things you'd like to say, but not to certain people [like the therapist]. Remember you've always got people to chat to on here if you feel like it! (*hug*)
That was my main reason why I could not accept being gay as well. I wanted that fairy tale dream life, and I had it momentarily, but things did not work out. My feelings for women were much stronger than my desire to be with a man. And it took me forever to accept that I would live my life raising my kids with a woman instead of my ex boyfriend. You can still have that "dream", but with a woman. Is that such a bad thing? Perhaps, you should tell your therapist this, because I'm sure she can help you see things from a different perspective. Like, for me, I have all boys and I'd love to have a little girl in the future. Once I learned to accept the things that I could not change (even though it has been a difficult journey), I felt so much better. So, it is going to take time, so please be patience with yourself (*hug*)
Is not a bad thing, but I don't want it for me. I apologize beforehand if this offends anyone, but it's my opinion and it applies solely to me, not anyone else and I know people will feel different, and I understand; so I hope I'm understood. If I have children I want them to have a father and know him,and spend time with him. Since, the law only allows two parents, at least as far as I know, there wouldn't be a second mother, and it doesn't bother me. The reason I feel like that is a long story, but it has to do with identity and feelings of belonging, I struggled with them growing up, and it has always been a work in progress. I'm dark skinned, as is my dad, my mom, is light skinned. Growing up, kids would tease me saying that I wasn't her child because I didn't look like her, and it hurt my deeply. It got pretty bad, that my mom and dad had to sit my down and explain that children can look like either parent. They showed my baby pictures of my dad and me, and we looked very similar, it was a relieve. Still, I struggle, people still sometimes ask my mother, is she really your daughter (Even though we do have physical similarities, shape of nose, long fingers, our feet) And it angers me and makes me sad, but no one ever asks that when I'm with my dad. I hated feeling that way as a kid (like I didn't belong to my mom) and I know it would have been worse if my dad hadn't been around. I want my children to know where they come from and who their parents are, and if they ever question where x characteristics comes from they'll get their answer. I just don't think I'll find a woman who'd comfortable with that. I want my kid to have a mom and a dad, another mom would be great, but I think legally and emotionally it would be very difficult.
Yeah...I just came out to my mo and she said she had a hard time dealing with it because she would have to completely change the way she thought my life was going to be like. But I don't think it has to be that different; you can still have a normal family. I understand that there is the problem that you talked about when you feel like your parents aren't really your parents, but I hope that once same sex marriages become more accepted people might be less mean about that kind of thing.
I feel really sorry about your situation but it's really not a bad thing as you can still have that but with a woman instead which I think would be good for you as it gives you the best of both worlds. I know I'm only 14 but I would love to have children and a wife and have a nice wedding but that's simply not going to happen unless I wake up straight but I realise that I can have children and a wedding/ceremony of some sort with a guy and that makes me really happy. I really do wish you the best and we are all here for you x
