Okay Hi, I am new to this site and I am in some real deep stuff... I am gay, I have known that for a while now, 18, in college and am dying to come out. However, it isn't as easy for me. I have a large and long back story. So it started out when I left my home country- India- to come to the US last semester. I wanted to come out to my parents on my 18th birthday but I was on a plane getting here, so that was not going to happen. Now, I am in college and have a girlfriend. I am definitely not sexually attracted to her one bit. I love her- she is a great person, but I just formally asked her out in front of a huge crowd of friends- kinda like a wedding proposal. I didn't want to, but she as well as her friends have been kind of on my neck to ask her out. And though I make up excuses to not see her and say I have stuff to do, the plain fact is, I am not comfortable getting intimate with her because I am not interested in her. The complication begins with my family, I am from a conservative Hindu family, where homosexuality is not really accepted easily or rather at all. My parents pay for my college partly, I have never had a job because it is simply unheard of to have one in my country till you officially start working after education. As far as I know, the last time my family talked about homosexuality, they ridiculed the person. What makes is worse was that before I left, the one thing my parents said was "you can do anything you want, just bring home a girl, not a guy." That was reiterated by my mothers friends who said the same thing. I know I shouldn't worry about them, and i'm not really too bothered by that. I just really want to come out. I do not feel happy, and I am sick of living a secret. What do I tell my Girlfriend, my parents, my younger sister? What if they stop paying my tuition, I am 100% sure that I cannot support myself without them, never have and I don't know how to do it...... Sometimes I feel like crying. Thank you in advance, Buelefelt
Okay - first question - what part of the States are you in? Are you in a bigger city? If you are, look for an LGBT support group. Your college may have one. Secondly, if you are dependent upon them paying your tuition, then as much as it sucks, maybe now isn't the time to tell them. You are a whole world away, you could probably live your life here without them knowing much of what was going on. Live your life openly here, tell them after college.
The other option is to come out and figure out how to make it on your own. There are loans and scholarships available to just about everyone. If you WANT to come out and in order to do so you need to be able to support yourself, then find a way. It might not be easy, but anything worth doing requires some hard work.
Hey man, I'm in college too. Fortunately for me I don't think I have the family pressures that you seem to have with regards to homosexuality, although I'm still worried about telling them. Does your school offer free counseling services? Mine does and I've considered going to it multiple times. For me they have free services with professionals who will help sort out your problems with you, maybe advise you to seek certain help or just act as a therapist. They also have groups for LGBT people. Not like clubs, but counseling groups with multiple students, all of which is confidential. I haven't gone but maybe I will next semester when I'm ready to maybe come out all the way. Also, it sounds like you live far away from your parents. Would they ever find out if you came out in college? It also sounds to me like you need to break up with your girlfriend. I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I feel helpless behind my keyboard, but maybe look deeper into the schools resources and you might find something that can help.I wish I could give you a hug. Good luck to you and keep us updated. Empty Closets has been a great resource to me so you should stick around!
